Regina: So then he’s all, “Okay, well, bye,” and I’m all, “Okay, well, bye, except WHAT THE FUCK DUDE,” and he’s like, “Errr, I have people over, so,” and I’m like, “Oh, well, that’s just …

1. Chips and dip. Ketchup-flavored chips — that’s the genius of socialism at work, right there. Why don’t we have these in the US? Why does the Frito-Lay Corporation persist in futzing around with flavors …

It’s nearly two weeks now since the 11th. It doesn’t seem like that long; the size of that day makes it feel much closer. At the same time, though, it seems like much longer ago, …

I haven’t worked out a coherent essay for today; most of the things on my mind now don’t hang together very well. It’s funny, the things that come to mind at times like these — …

I didn’t really want to go downtown in the first place. I had to speak on a breakfast panel, but I didn’t feel very well and I didn’t like my outfit so much, and I …

It’s not a good day today. The weather is vintage August in New York — going outside feels like a cross between draping myself in a wet blanket fresh from an autoclave and taking that …

In about a month, I will relocate to Toronto for the season. I’ve scored a sweet sublet complete with DSL and a parking space, and I can’t wait to blow out of Manhattan with my …

I had no choice. I’d already tried running Scan Disk in Windows, running Scan Disk in DOS, running Scan Disk on an Amiga, defragging the drive, bellowing the word “NOT!” at the monitor in various …

Stomach: Psst. Hey. Hey, you guys. Psst. You guys, wake up.
Liver: [Mrfflle.]
Stomach: Hey, wake up, you guys!
Liver: Shhhh.
Stomach: You guys?
Lower Intestine: Shhhh!
Stomach: You guuuyyyys…I’m huuuuungry.
Kidneys: SHHHH! God!
Stomach: Well, it’s eleven-thirty, and —
Liver: Dude, shut up. …

I’ll tell you what I really miss, living in New York City. Sure, I miss the sound of a breeze blowing the leaves together on an autumn night, and the elusive three-dollar-and-fifty-cent pint, but right …