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Home » Culture and Criticism

Coffee Talk

Submitted by on May 10, 2010 – 9:20 AM167 Comments

I have a couple of questions about coffee — about the word “coffee,” the ways we use it, not about the beverage itself.

The first one: “coffee black.” I don’t order my coffee in the same style every time; usually I want it with milk and two sugars, but sometimes, I just want the bean juice — no cream, no Splenda, nada nunca. It seems logically as though that is coffee black.

It isn’t, at least in NYC-area delis and restaurants; around here, “coffee black” only means no dairy products, and if I don’t specify “a coffee black, nothing else in it,” the server will add sugar. Even when I’ve specified, the server usually asks, “Sugar?” “Black. Nothing else in it.”

I meant to test the theory that it’s a Gotham regionalism on my road trip, but I’ve conditioned myself so thoroughly to ask for black coffee in that fashion that I never got to test the theory (and I could have just asked people, but I never remembered, because I…needed coffee).

My basis for believing that New York City has its own coffee-ordering m.o. is not the firmest: my mother explained to me once that, “in the city,” “coffee regular” meant cream and sugar. I don’t remember the context of the conversation; I do know that neither of my parents took their coffee that way (half-and-half only — or, as my father rendered it on the shopping list to save time, “1”).

So, English-speakers and -watchers around the globe: discuss. What does “coffee black” mean to you? What does it mean to your local servers? To your parents? What about “coffee regular” — does it mean the same thing in Wichita and Walla Walla? Do we even observe these nuances anymore in the age of Starbucks, the cup of coffee as lifestyle signifier?

The next question addresses what I’ve observed as a regionalism shift. I didn’t do a ton of coffee-getting as a teenager, but as of when I left for college, when I wanted to invite a friend or cute boy to enjoy a caffeinated beverage outside of the home, I said, “Let’s have coffee.” (Or, sometimes, “Let’s ‘do’ coffee,” carefully rendering the verbal air quotes — I think we still thought of that as ironic phrasing then.)

As I got closer with Ernie, a European, I adopted her more British usage of certain terms — “glovebox” (versus “glove compartment”); “have a coffee” or “get a coffee” (versus “have/get coffee,” no article).

My parents would tease me a little for adopting these lexical Ernie-isms, but I’ve noticed over the last few years that that one — “have/get A coffee” — is becoming standard. And if I had to point to a reason, I’d say that it’s the lifestyle-signifier shift I mentioned above; for most of us, twenty years ago, coffee was coffee was coffee, and while you could order it different ways — black, regular, light one sugar — it was still coffee. Nobody had an opinion on the merits of drip vs. percolated that I can remember, although a perk coffeemaker looked impossibly complicated to operate when I was a kid, the domain of grandmas and church kitchens too strapped to upgrade.

Now, nobody doesn’t know what a cappuccino is, what an espresso is, what a French press is. You might not care, but you know these terms, and their contemporary presence everywhere seems to have elevated coffee lexically from a useful beverage to an experience, a mini-event. When you have dinner, that could mean anything from a Michelin-starred steak to microwaved mac-and-cheese; when you have A dinner, that’s something different, with invitations and linen.

Do you still have coffee? Or do you have A coffee? If you have A coffee, is this something you grew up saying, or hearing your parents say? Or did you start saying it in the last five or ten years, without realizing it or knowing why?

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167 Comments »

  • iiii says:

    I’m from California, and I too am weirded out by the idea of someone else putting cream and/or sugar in my coffee. Why would they do that?

  • Bertha says:

    I’m from the Boston area. Here Dunkin’ Donuts is the coffee standard and most people order something like “a medium regular” which is coffee with cream & sugar. I’ve also heard people order a “medium extra extra” which of course is coffee with extra cream & extra sugar. A “medium” black would be plain coffee with no milk or sugar. I would say “do you want to go get a coffee?” I am not sure how my parents said it!

  • Natalie says:

    Colorado via Idaho here, I tend to order coffee (black coffee, nothing in it) and the response is: “room for cream?” They pour the coffee, you add the rest.

  • Jason says:

    In Boston when I lived there, a ‘regular’ came with cream and sugar, while a ‘black’ was just bean broth.

    In the Seattle area where I am now, just finding a place to serve brewed coffee can be a challenge, as opposed to the ubiquitous espresso stands. Most places won’t doctor your coffee for you, though, so there’s little confusion about what goes in it, just about whether you want room to add your own cream and sugar.

  • Renee says:

    Here in Philly, at the carts and coffee shops, coffee black is completely naked. If you want sugar, you order coffee sweet. Coffee regular is one cream, one sugar.

    The most commonly used phrase for going for coffee in my circle is “must stop, need coffee.”

  • Elyse says:

    I’ve read the word coffee so much now that it’s starting to look strange.
    I live in California, San Francisco area, and have never heard of “coffee regular”. Cream, sugar, honey, different fat percentage milks, etc is all on a table for after you receive your cup of coffee from the counter; you can do whatever you want to it then. When you order a coffee, they ask if you want “room for cream”, mostly so you don’t dump coffee into their garbage can. Even in restaurants, they just let you do whatever you want to it, once you’ve received your black coffee. I’m not sure I’ve ever had someone else put the cream & sugar in my coffee for me, except for in Miami when you order a cuban coffee and they fill half the cup with sugar.

  • Erin says:

    I’m not a coffee drinker, but my husband is a very big fan of the stuff, and I’ve never known him to have to say anything but “coffee.” As Halo noted above, he gets asked often if he wants room for cream, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation with him when someone else actually put the coffee or the cream in for him.

    Well…now that I’m thinking of it, there is one place in town (a drive-thru coffee place) that does put the cream in, and he likes that because they always seem to do just the right amount.

    Anyway. In other news…the word “coffee” is starting to look really weird…

  • Fiona says:

    Coffee is one of those words that stops looking like a word the more often I see it written out.

    Grew up in NY, went to school upstate, live in the city. I grew up saying “go for coffee” but now say “go for a coffee”. I don’t know when the shift happened.

  • Sandy says:

    As a teenager working at a Dunkin Donuts in Jersey :
    If people ordered “a coffee– black”, I would still ask if they wanted sugar, because no one ever agreed on whether black meant no cream AND no sugar.
    A coffee regular : medium size, a cream, two sugars.
    Police Officers : very particular about how they liked their coffee.

    As a secretary in Paris :
    A coffee is coffee, not what you’ve added to it.
    Most frenchies I know drink it black, fairly strong, with sugar (and now that’s how I prefer it, too).
    Starbucks is for tourists; the natives only ever order orange juice there.

    In French, I’d take a coffee. In English, I’d grab A coffee, but I’d have/get coffee.

  • Melina says:

    I grew up in central Mass, and to me black coffee is coffee with nothing in it. I don’t ever get it that way, though, so I’m not sure what the experience is in this area in terms of asking for it. In my family, if you ask someone what they want *in* their coffee, they might say, “No, just black, please,” but that’s about it. I know I have heard people at Dunkies ordering coffee “regular” but I confess, in terror, that I have absolutely no idea what that entails, even though I am pretty sure that is grounds for revoking my Masshole card. I’m a dairy-only kind of girl, and I only drink it black if I’m in the middle of a field and have no other option.

    Generally, I don’t use an article with coffee. “I need coffee.” “Want to grab coffee sometime?” “We should get coffee!” If I felt like using an article, I’d say say, “I need A CUP of coffee.” Saying just, “a coffee” seems really weird to me. On the other hand, while I am an addict, I also need a script to navigate Starbucks, so.

    I have now written “coffee” so many times in a row that it has ceased to look like a real word.

  • Zipper says:

    In Missouri (central and east) and Illinois (central and north), if you order “coffee” the server will either respond “black?” or “cream and sugar?” If you say “black” then you get plain filtered coffee with nothing in it. We rarely order “black coffee” or “coffee, black.” I suppose we presume that if we wanted cream or sugar we would have specified.

    We tend to use the article in circumstances where we are walking to pick up a cup of coffee and carry it back to work, but “let’s get coffee” means it’s a social opportunity. But there is a lot of variance on this one.

  • Lynne says:

    @Katherine, I was just going to comment on the double-double. Such is the power of Tim Horton’s that you can actually order a double-double in pretty much any Canadian restaurant and they know what to bring you.

    Sars,the “coffee black” thing has to be a New York quirk because I’ve never heard of that before. Coffee black means exactly that. “How do you take your coffee?” If you’re not going with dairy, the answer to that question is either “black” or “one sugar, please”.

    And “let’s get coffee”? Weird. I’ve never noticed before but I think I’ve stopped doing that too. Mind you, when I said “Let’s get coffee” in university, it generally meant sitting in the fourth floor lounge for hours drinking four or five gigantic cups of cafeteria rotgut. Now when I say I’m getting “a” coffee, I actually mean I’m only going to drink one.

  • jlc12118 says:

    Albany/Saratoga NY region here – to me, black coffee is nothing in it – and regular, well, just means caffeinated… no additives implied… and the good old light & sweet – well, thank you Dunkin’, but no I don’t need a pile of sugar in the bottom of my coffee… skim milk & two sweet-n-lows for me please…

  • Laura says:

    Georgia by way of the Midwest/Southwest (MO, OK, NM, TX) here. Like Halo, everywhere I’ve ever lived, the customer does her own coffee-doctoring: black, regular, etc. are unknown. You order “coffee” or “decaf” and sometimes the server asks “Do you need cream?” (or at Starbucks, “Do you need room?”) On my first visit to NYC, I had to have “regular” explained to me by a gregarious server at Junior’s in Manhattan.

    I will “get a coffee” if I’m stopping somewhere for that purpose (and like Sars, I adopted “get a coffee” from the Brits), but with friends I “get together for coffee” or “have coffee.” My Québecois husband anglicizes “prendre un café” to “take a coffee.”

  • Mel says:

    I live in Nebraska, but grew up in all corners of this country (Hawaii, San Diego, Maryland, Seattle, Connecticut). I’m reasonably sure I’ve never heard an American friend say “let’s go for A coffee” when speaking of an event or activity, only ever using the article when talking about a specific drink: “What can I get you? Juice, milk, soda?” “Just a coffee, please.” But even that happens less often than “Just coffee, please.”

    So I still think of “let’s go for A coffee” as wholly European. Which I love.

    As for “black,” I’d interpret it as having nothing in it. To me, “regular” also means not decaf.

  • Lis says:

    I live in West Virginia, but work/hang out a lot in DC/Maryland/Virginia, I’m not clear on where you all are going where the server actually puts anything in your coffee, and I’m super jealous that you have that as an option! At a drive through (McDonalds, Dunkin Doughnuts what have you) here if you order coffee they will ask if you want cream and sugar and then just give you the packets (which… it really sucks adding stuff to coffee while trying to drive). At a diner or restaurant when you order coffee the sugar/splenda/equil is already on the table and they’ll bring you creamer packages in a bowl when they bring you the cup. At a coffee place (the local coffee shop really, I’ve never ordered plain coffee at a Starbucks) you pump your own coffee so if you get regular coffee they just give you a cup.

    I generally say “do you want to grab a cup of coffee” or something similar. If someone in our office is going they’ll say “I’m going to get some coffee, does anyone want anything?” or more likely we’d get an email saying “Starbucks run… orders?” but I am pretty sure in general conversation I would say a coffee, not just coffee. Then again I’m the first generation of my family to not be born in Europe (London, Ireland and Germany) so that may be just me. When I lived in Texas it was always “a cup of coffee” so you would ask someone if they wanted to get a cup of coffee, or more often you would offer someone a cup of coffee when they came over to visit. Also if someone ordered a coke, the server would ask what kind and then they’d say Dr. Pepper… Texas is weird y’all.

  • BK says:

    I grew up in NJ very near Sars’ hometown, so a “regular” coffee then to me was cream and sugar. If you wanted a lot of both, it was “light and sweet,” but if you just asked for a regular coffee you got cream and sugar.

    I’ve since lived in NC and Iowa, and have noticed that a “regular” coffee now means “not decaf.” Coffee in these areas comes black with nothing in it and I’m given the means to add to it myself. Since moving from NJ/NYC, I’ve never had someone doctor a coffee unless I’ve specifically ordered it with cream or sugar.

    But man. What I wouldn’t do for a light and sweet and big-ass deli buttered roll.

  • beth says:

    i’m in the UK – newcastle specifically, but i suspect this applies to most of england (rarely go to other parts of the UK so can’t speak for them).

    i’ve never known a coffee server put sugar in the coffee for me. everywhere i’ve ever had coffee it’s separate, either on the table or on a separate table with sugar and stirrers and serviettes and things.

    i think i usually say ‘go for coffee’ but sometimes ‘get a coffee’.

    usually i say ‘fancy a starbucks?’

    i wouldn’t do a double take at any of those phrases.

    interesting conversation. i love that people take these things seriously and find them worth debating round here.

  • Nicole says:

    Here in California (I’ve lived in both Northern and Southern) you get a cup of plain black coffee no matter what, and you are responsible for adding sugar/cream or leaving it black. In cafes everything is on a table to the side, and in restaurants they bring you your cream and sugar on the side. I really, really hated it when people would order coffee when I was a server because there are so many g/d steps to it: get the cup & saucer, fill with coffee, get the cream pot, go to the fridge and fill said pot with milk, grab sugar container – ugh (this also assumes everything is stocked, which usually was not the case). But it does take all the guesswork out of it – if you want sugar, no cream, you just…ignore the cream pot. The only instructions I give people pouring the coffee when I order it is “room for cream”, or “with room” so that they know not to fill the cup all the way to the top with black coffee. For what it’s worth, I’ve never heard coffee ordered “coffee regular” before.

  • Dawn says:

    I’ve lived many places (outside of the East Coast) and in all of them, I order coffee. By this, I mean black (nothing in it) and no one questions it. Nor have I ever received vile nasty sugar in my “coffee,” – though I did just return from a trip to Providence, RI and learned to order my black coffee hot, so as to avoid iced coffee. I did not know that one needed to specify, as I assumed that one would specify the iced part (and hot coffee = the default). Live and learn, I guess.

    I now live in Canada (and understand the Tim’s lexicon, but I still drink my coffee black) and folks use the article all the time – going for A coffee, but I haven’t started with that yet.

  • MattPatt says:

    Having now seen the word “coffee” so many times that it looks like it’s written in Elvish, I have a completely irrelevant tangent — “glovebox” is a Britishism? My parents and I been saying that for years in Texas and Louisiana. The more you know, I guess.

  • Annie says:

    I’ve lived in Texas all my life, and “black coffee” means plain: no cream, no sugar. I can’t remember hearing anyone say “coffee black” but they may have said, “I’d like a coffee, black.” In most cases, places that serve normal coffee (Starbucks and their ilk are their own thing) will ask whether you want cream and/or sugar, but won’t assume anything and put it in. Sugar packets and little creamer tubs are served on the side.

  • Tisha_ says:

    Ok, was born and raised and still live, in Oklahoma.

    When I “have coffee” at a regular resturant I just order “coffee.” Everything I need – I’m like The Wolf in Pulp Fiction… lotsa cream, lotsa sugar – is on the table for me.

    But, if I heard someone order Black Coffee, I’d assume they didn’t want anything at all in it.

    When I go to Starbucks or something, I just order a small (I still refuse to say Venti or whatever) with 4 sweet-n-lows and enough room for lotsa cream.

    I have no idea what a French Press is, but assume it has to do with coffee.

    Also, I have a glovebox, not a glove compartment.

  • MizShrew says:

    I’m from Wisconsin, and here “coffee, black” means brewed coffee, nothing in it. From my waitressing days (a long time ago, granted), “Coffee, regular” would be how a customer would indicate that they did not want the decaf stuff. This was a supper-club-type place, though, where you’d run around with both regular and decaf pots to offer after-dinner refills to the coffee drinkers at your tables, so take that for what it’s worth.

    If I wanted to invite someone to meet up at a coffee shop, I’d say “Let’s meet for coffee at (whatever place).” If I’m on my way back to work from lunch with friends and I want to get a coffee, I’d say “Let’s stop for a coffee.”

    Most of the diner-type places here are most likely to bring you black coffee with the cream and sugar to add yourself — so they’ll ask if you want “room for cream.” Maybe that’s a reflection of living in the Dairy State.

  • When I waited tables people would specify, but I didn’t care because the cream and the sugar live on the table. Usually it’d be the elderly people saying, “I want coffee. BLACK COFFEE.” “Yeah, I’ll try to keep myself from putting something in it!”, I’d think. To me, black has always meant nothing at all in it. My mom drinks her coffee with just “1”, but if I order for her at S’bucks, I get “Venti coffee, room for cream” because they don’t make it for you either. And I always get something like a mocha or macchiato–all the instructions are already in the description, I just have to specify a size!

  • Bex says:

    Regional background: I waitressed in Wisconsin and Michigan in high school and college. I’ve since moved to the East Coast, but I don’t drink coffee or waitress anymore so I don’t know what the regionalism is around here.

    To me, black coffee and regular coffee are synonymous — both are straight-up non-decaf coffee, no milk or sugar.

    90% of the time, I’d say “have coffee,” although I think I do remember toying with “have a coffee” in my late teens/early 20s if the purpose was to ask someone out on a date, probably because it sounded very sophisticated and European. Especially to a Wisconsin girl waitressing her way through school.

    (Bonus round: I grew up saying ‘pop’ instead of soda. That habit was broken when 17-year-old me was waitressing, and asked a table full of guys if I could give anyone a pop while they waited for their meal.)

  • avis says:

    South Louisiana.

    I don’t drink coffee generally so “regular coffee” being coffee with cream and sugar floors me. I would assume it meant not flavored or not decaf. Plain coffee.

    I don’t think I would ever say “black coffee.” What am I drinking? Coffee. If I wanted to order it, I would just ask for coffee and assume I would get a cup of coffee and add my own cream and/or sugar.

    But generally I am ordering a white chocolate mocha latte with cinnamon dolce. Because I like to drink candy with a faint coffee flavor.

  • Hirayuki says:

    SE Michigan (Detroit metro area) also says “black coffee”. You still get the distracted server who asks, “Cream and sugar?” or brings the coffee with a bowl of creamer anyway, but “black coffee” is straight joe. “Coffee” itself usually implies the plain black variety as well.

    When we stopped in a tiny Cape Cod cafe for take-out coffee (ordered as “coffee”), though, we didn’t realize until we’d gotten back in the car that the default version came with cream. I didn’t mind, but my staunch black-coffee parents were a little put out.

  • Speaking of Tim Horton's says:

    As a Californian (hence only an occasional Timbits-enjoyer) I was VERY surprised, when ordering a latte at Tim Horton’s, to get something that had been sweetened. I took it back to the counter and said there had been a mistake, and the server told me that lattes there come with sugar. Crazy!!! (She did make me a new one, but that’s the only place I’ve ever thought I needed to specify if I didn’t want my coffee sweetened.)

  • Cassie says:

    Here in Indiana, as far as I’ve been able to tell, when I order coffee, I get black coffee, nothing in it. But they’ll also ask if I want cream and sugar, and then put said additions on the side. Which is how I like it – I take my coffee white and sweet, heavily so, and most places that insist on putting them in on their own don’t do enough for my taste.

    I’d also challenge the idea that people know what a cappuccino is. I used to work as a barista for a local cafe, and had people order them – and then complain that it was ‘just espresso and foam!’ Most people think that latte and cappuccino are roughly equivalent, which they aren’t. Perhaps I’m nit-picking, though.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    @Rachel: Overruled. Dunkin coffee rules all.

    I know “light” and “light and sweet” (and of course the double-double), but I never heard of “white” before I saw it as an option on a coffee machine at an interstate rest stop.

    Regular coffee can also = “leaded,” “high-test.”

  • K. says:

    I haven’t thought about this in a while because I’ve been making my coffee at home to pinch pennies. I started drinking coffee when I was a teenager (mid-90s) and I lived in Philly then. My parents don’t drink coffee so I did all my coffee-drinking outside the home. I take it black, which to me means nothing in it but beans and water, and I’m pretty sure I just said “Can I get a coffee, black?” and got bean juice. When I moved to NYC for college (and stayed for years after) and ordered it black from bodegas, I did get it with sugar once so I’d say “Can I get a coffee, black, no sugar?” I’m with those for whom “regular” means “caffeinated,” not “milk and sugar.”

    I spent six months in France and there I’d order “cafe Americain,” because otherwise it was espresso. I did notice that if a French person wanted to have coffee, s/he’d say “have a coffee” (in English or French. Occasionally if a French person was speaking English it would be “go for coffee”).

    If I want to go to a place, sit down, and pay for coffee, that’s “having/getting/grabbing coffee.”

  • K. says:

    @Sars: Word. D&D French Vanilla is the shit.

  • Beth C. says:

    I”m a Californian, like Anna. Here the server does not add anything to the coffee, they just ask if they should leave room for cream and you add everything yourself from the milk/sugar sideboard. So, coffee is just coffee, there is no “coffee black” or “coffee regular” just coffee or decaf. Unless you’re ordering “fancy” as my friends and I call lattes, mochas, etc. etc.

    Honestly, I’m in awe of the trust the rest of the country puts in coffee servers to get it right. There’s no way I trust them that much.

  • Amanda says:

    Southern New Englander here and I don’t drink coffee. Unless it’s coffee milk. Mmmm, coffee milk.

    “Black” means no cream, no sugar. “Regular” means cream and sugar. I’ve never really heard it ordered that way, though. I pick my mom up a coffee most days of the week and I always order it as “milk and two Sweet’N Low.” And waiting in line at DD, everyone has painfully specfic orders. Of course, I frequent the DD on my college campus and no one can just drink coffee on a college campus.

    I can’t really speak to “have/get (a) coffee,” though, since I don’t say it and rarely hear it. I think I would say “have/get coffee” if I weren’t going to think about it. And if I drank coffee.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    I’m from California, and I too am weirded out by the idea of someone else putting cream and/or sugar in my coffee. Why would they do that?

    They don’t do it at restaurants; they bring the cream doodad and the sugar (or it’s already on the table). In Starbucks and at some delis, 7-Eleven, etc., you fix it yourself. But at many delis here, and at the coffee carts, the fixings are behind the counter, or inside the cart with the proprietor, so you have no choice. It’s just how it’s done. I’m more weirded out by the disgusting condition of some fixings areas then by a deli man adding sugar for me.

  • Joel says:

    I have always like the Spanish method of ordering a black coffee. Café solo encompasses the color as well as the sweetness of the coffee in one simple phrase.

  • Kristina says:

    I’ve lived in NoVa, Boston, Chicago, Georgia, and overseas, and coffee black is always coffee sans everything. New York is clearly weird.

    I don’t call it coffee black/black coffee (both those sound weird to me), but that might have to do with the fact that I put enough crap in it so it doesn’t remotely taste like coffee. And then there’s the Heavy D song, and the fact that in my family we joke about my mom liking her coffee the way she likes her men. (With a spoon in them! No, my mom’s white, my dad’s black, e.g., etc.)

  • JennJen says:

    I live in Southern California, in a suburb of LA fondly referred to as the Inland Empire. I’ve been drinking coffee for quite a while, and about a year ago it became a daily thing, but that may have simply come with having a normal job which required me to wake up at 6am every day. I don’t ‘do’ coffee and i do go to have ‘A’ coffee. We just have coffee., or that’s how it’s always been for me.

    As far as “black coffee” that’s always meant straight up coffee for me. Just the coffee. And Starbucks and such usually don’t even ask you if you want cream or sugar because people have such variances of how they like their coffee around here that the workers can’t simply add “the norm” and have content customers. Then again, California seems like the place many people just drink coffee because it’s cool, or something; not because, like me and a few of my co-workers, there is a major different of before and after coffee.

    You know the Beasie Boys song where they say “I like my sugar with coffee and cream”? That’s SoCal.

  • BK says:

    @Rachel: the DD cream/sugar in for you is the best part. You get the ridiculously sweet delicious coffee without any of the guilt, because it’s not YOUR fault that they put so much in.

    However, I’ll note that there’s a regional difference to this too. I haven’t tried at a DD in the midwest, but I am positive that once you cross the Mason Dixon on the East Coast, Dunkin’ Donuts is required to slightly burn all of its coffee and not put enough cream and sugar in.

  • Jen S says:

    I’m an non-coffee drinker from Seattle (I know,I know) and the Starbucks culture is so engrained here (hee) that it’s just a given that when you offer to make the run to Starbucks, everyone whips out a pen and scrap paper to write a mini-novel on how they want their coffee drink prepared. I think “coffee drink” is redundant, but whatever. Our boss is so notorious at the local S branch that as soon as we walk in the door they say “Oh, the Jun special” and start whipping it up. I shock them every time by just buying a juice.

    If you go in and just say “coffee”, they are going to look at you with mingled pity and irritation, because that’s like going into a restaurant and ordering “food.” Tall, Venti, Grande? Milk, Cream, Half and Half, or Room? Steamed? Foamed? Sugar? What kind of sugar? Syrup? Full or Half shot of syrup? And that’s just with regular brew–you want an espresso and all bets are off.

    On another note–I’ve always loved the construction of “have A coffee”, it’s just so British to me. Like saying “going into hospital” or “ring my solicitor.” Ah, I am instantly transported to a tiny village where all the locals are endearingly eccentric and very clever and meticulous about their murders. But please: Why is a coffee without cream a “flat white?” Doesn’t the cream turn the coffee white? Do you ask for a flat white with cream, or what?

    Okay, “coffee” looks like it’s written in some bizzaro world alphabet now.

  • Jen S says:

    @MattPat, me too! We always said glovebox in the Pacific NW. Which is odd because when you think about it, when was the last time anyone besides Coach from Home Movies actually wore driving gloves? 1910? You’d think the name would have evolved by now.

  • Jaybird says:

    In north Alabama (where I grew up) and SW Georgia (where I’m currently trapped) it’s “black coffee”, meaning utterly unadulterated. At least, that’s the way I’ve always heard it. If the drinker of the black coffee wanted sugar added, it was specifically stated, never assumed. I’ve never heard “A coffee”, either; it’s just “have coffee”. I’ve been drinking the stuff since I was 4, and have always asked for it as “large coffee, cream, no sugar” without problems.

  • Jaybird says:

    Now I’ve read over all the comments, and Eddie Izzard’s bit with “D’you want a cup of COFFEE?” “Je suis le president de Burundi” keeps looping through my mind.

  • Amie says:

    I’ve been thinking far too much about this since I originally commented.
    I think context plays a role in what I mean by “regular”, too. I always want caffeinated coffee, so I don’t usually specify and I assume that is what I’m getting. But if I’m asked, of course the choice is “regular or decaf”, indicating caffeination and not dairy/sweetening.

    For those mentioning “regular = cream and sugar” and “light and sweet = extra of both”, is that a regional thing? I’m in the northeast, too, and that is what I’ve always taken it to mean. (There’s also the “extra light, extra sweet” camp, too, which is too much even for me!).
    I tend to frequent Dunkin’ Donuts, so is it a DD thing? I am intrigued!

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    “fancy a Starbucks?”

    I forget who said this — sorry, commenter! — but I meant to mention that locution in my original piece. There’s a scene from The Sopranos in which Danielle is insinuating herself with Adriana, and she says something like, “I was going to go sit with a Starbucks.” I noticed it at the time; what’s striking about it now is that that is something I wouldn’t say. “A coffee,” yes, that’s what I usually say, but for a brand, I would go with “some Starbucks” (or “a latte from Starbucks,” whatever.)

    At the studio, the staff references to Dunkin have gone nearly non-verbal. Partner 1: “Dunk?” Partners 2 and 3: “[raised hands]” Mmm, coconut Dunkin (“Dunkonut?” “[raised hands]”).

  • lanyo says:

    I’m born and raised southern California, and had never ordered my coffee already mixed with stuff until I went to Michigan and hit up Tim’s. I had my friend explain to me what I wanted to order.
    My family are all Coffee Drinkers, so we would never get A coffee, because that sounds like a single cup, but we will drink it by the gallons, so going out for it meant a sit-down place with refills. Now that there are Starbucks/CoffeeBeans/Peet’s all over, we will go get “coffee” or “a coffee”, but it’s usually “a tasty beverage”.
    As far as black, that’s plain. Just coffee, no additions.

  • Elizabeth says:

    Another voice from the LA suburbs, here – San Fernando Valley, to be exact. When I country club waitressed 20 years ago (gah!), c&s were on the tables, patrons would sit down, and if they wanted “coffee”, they would turn the cup over in the saucer. I would ask “leaded or unleaded” (caff or decaf?). So, leaded = you want to get wound up, to me.
    We did have neighbors from NJ who told us about the “coffee regular” thing, but said “you damned Californians” laughed at them until they changed their vernacular.
    I have a colleague with whom I regularly need to have confidential/private discussions, so we “go for coffee” (my term) out of the office. He refers to it as “a coffee”, and so when he has drained his cup and is looking around for it to be refilled, I have been known to smirk at him “Oh, no. You had A coffee, as in one. You don’t get more.” Hmm… looks bitchier in print.
    Starbucks = successfully created their own culture, so yes, all bets are off.

  • MizShrew says:

    @ Bex: I almost spit my tea on the screen at your pop/soda story. Always called it soda, myself, but we seem to be at the border of the pop/soda divide in SE Wisconsin, so I could totally picture your situation. And also, I think those guys ate at the restaurant I worked at too. Friday night fish fry? About 17 beers each? A lot of snide remarks/ogling and a mediocre tip? Yeah, that’s them. Classy.

  • Cola says:

    I have to delurk to say that as a native Californian, I’m confused as to why you’d have to order your coffee in any style at all. We just get the coffee plain and then put our own additions on it. People are so particular about the exact amount of sugar and cream that they want in their coffee that I have a hard time understanding how anyone could be happy with a system where you don’t get to choose.

    This explains why Krispy Kreme does that really creepy thing where they give you your coffee with stuff in it. I’d never encountered it before. Every other fast food place just asks if you want milk or sugar and then gives you a couple of packets. I actually felt a little insulted. Like they thought I’d steal their milk and sugar or something.

    Anyway, as far as I’m concerned, “black coffee” doesn’t have anything in it. If you want sugar but no cream, you ask for “black with sugar”.

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