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Home » Culture and Criticism

N Cereal AA Round of 32, Flights 1 and 2: Classics and Fruit/Nut

Submitted by on July 1, 2009 – 9:29 AM22 Comments

psychochaun

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1 Rice Krispies vs. 9 Shredded Wheat. Each of these unadorned Classics had a relatively easy path to the Round of 32, but despite the mid-to-low seeding of the Shred, it’s a tough match to call — Rice Krispies don’t feature as robust a flavor, but they also don’t rip up the mouth quite as much, and it’s hard to argue with the signature snap, crackle, and pop (though the characters based on those sounds can shut up aaaaaany time now).Shredded Wheat’s taste is fuller, and while that’s not a good thing in everyone’s opinion, the Shred works better with fruit and other toppings than the Krispie.I don’t love either cereal, because they’re what I got stick with as a kid instead of the sugary stuff, but I think the association with the eponymous treat carries the day for Rice Krispies.

12 Cocoa Krispies vs. 4 Lucky Charms. Cocoa Krispies’s surprising defeat of Corn Flakes in the last round leads to an unexpectedly sugary early match-up in the Classics draw, and CK’s luck probably runs out here.It had a hard enough time beating a workmanlike flake in the Round of 64; against colored marshmallows, it has no shot.The leprechaun, without breaking a sweat.

6 Frosted Mini-Wheats vs. 3 Cheerios. I can’t vote for plain Cheerios.As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, the smell of them — chewed, drooled on, hucked at my head from the highchair and then left to molder where they’d rolled under the stove — is insupportable.Mini-Wheats have enough sugar on them to make the packing-materials-esque texture palatable, while still letting me feel smugly healthy about eating them.This is folly, no doubt, but it beats the humid stench of partially digested oat.(…You’re welcome!)Mini-Wheats for a narrow victory.

7 Life vs. 2 Frosted Flakes. Life is a very good cereal with a very famous campaign.Frosted Flakes is an even better cereal with an equally famous pitchman.I prefer Double F myself, and I predict the voters will take Tony over Mikey.

*****

1 Honey Bunches of Oats vs. 8 Blueberry Morning. Hmm.I think HBoO pulls this one out, but blueberry doesn’t seem like a fruit or flavoring that anyone really can’t stand.Cherry, banana, raisin, some people really hate those, but blueberries inspire a lot of love without any corresponding loathing in the other direction; Blueberry Morning has a dumb focus-groupy name, but is delicious, so it’s not impossible that it wins here.But it’s unlikely.Bunches for the win.

5 granola vs. 4 Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. I like Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, but I don’t love them; the flavoring is a bit faint for my taste.Do I like them better than granola, though?Depends on the ‘nola.If it’s sweet and has a lot of nuts in it (insert joke about family here), I’ll take that over the ACCs, but I don’t know what y’all will do.

11 Kashi vs. 3 Special K with Strawberries. I didn’t think Kashi would get through the last round; I doubt it survives this one, not against a well-liked contender like Special K with Strawberries.Kashi does have a lot of varieties, though, and passionate fans of various flavors could put together a victory over the K.Could, but probably won’t.

10 Cranberry Almond Crunch vs. 2 Raisin Bran. Raisin Bran is the only palatable raisin format for many raisin-haters.I, however, am not mollified.As many voters pointed out in the comments for the last round, the bran flakes in Raisin Bran have a zero-to-mush time of about 0.03 seconds.Furthermore, Raisin Bran contains raisins, and speaking only for myself, there is no sugar coating thick enough to fool me into thinking otherwise.HATE.That’s just me, though; we seeded it second for a reason, and Cranberry Almond Crunch, while yummy, is too niche to survive against this powerhouse.

Sarah D. Bunting

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22 Comments »

  • LynzM says:

    Hey Sars, your tags are cracking me up! Thanks for the laugh! :)

  • Lisa says:

    I was Cocoa Krispies staunchest supporter in the round of 64, but up against Lucky Charms? No way. LC are MAGICALLY delicious, and no amount of cocoa can beat that.

  • Valerie says:

    …and then there was the time a kid sitting next to me on a plane puked his Cheerios into my lap. Humid stench of partially digested oat, indeed.

  • attica says:

    No, sorry. LC are deeeesgusting. CK evermore!

  • Slices says:

    You are so right re: the smell of Cheerios, particularly once they’ve been moistened with either milk or saliva. I could gag just thinking about it. When parents bring them out in public in little plastic bags as portable snacks for their kids I have to turn the other way. gack!!

  • Rinaldo says:

    Regarding the first paragraph, I’m a Shredded-Wheat-every-day guy myself (unless it’s Cheerios instead, so there…). But Rice Krispies has to its credit one of the most musically awesome commercials of all time, back in the early 1960s. A full minute of “Cereal characters do ‘Fugue for Tinhorns’.” Enjoy!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6TIsxTdrCU

  • Anne-Cara says:

    Call me strange, but I really don’t mind the smell of Cheerios. When there are children around, MUCH worse smells follow.

    Also, I hate Lucky Charms, disgusting marshmallows included.

  • tulip says:

    Is it just me or is anyone else having trouble with the voting page? I have cleared the cache & history and still nothing but the side links on the voting pages.

  • Melanie says:

    *choking down first bowl of Cheerios is possibly ten years, stumbled over Round 2, read read read rea- promptly puts down bowl*

    I’m going to buy some HBoO on the way home from work. And never ever touch Cheerios again, thanks Sars.

  • FloridaErin says:

    No ammount of raisiny goodness can overcome the horrible texture of mushy bran flakes that occurs as soon as they touch milk. ::shudder:: Go Cranberry Almond, Go!

  • Dude…have you people not _tasted_ Special K with Strawberries? They sent me a sample and I nearly puked. Granted, that was sans milk, but even my 2-yr-old wouldn’t eat it and he _LOVES_ cereal of any kind (even the cardboard-tasting gluten-free Os I made him eat for his first year). I love strawberries and usually love cereals with dried fruits in them, but GAAAK, that stuff was gross!

  • AmandaJeanne says:

    ‘humid stench’ made me choke on the pickle i was having for breakfast. spitty cheerios are almost as nasty as…well, i can’t think of anything! love the polls, love the write-ups–best summer entertainment for me so far!

  • AmandaJeanne says:

    in fact, i voted for the mini-wheats, even though i am very emphatically not a fan.

  • avis says:

    Marshmallows in cereal have the texture of fingernails on a chalkboard and are not for the eating.

  • Mike says:

    Lucky Charms is okay if you eat it dry, once you add milk the contest is over. You get chocolate milk from CK and the marshmallows in LC turn into a mushy, odd tasting mess.

  • amy says:

    Once upon a time, there was this little shredded wheat biscuit that had mushed up raisins in the middle and it was divine. And then they stopped making it.

  • Mimi says:

    Why the hate for mushy Raisin Bran? Sometimes I nuke my RB & milk, just so it gets mushy (and hot!) faster.

  • natasha says:

    wrong i HATE blueberry so much oh god

  • meltina says:

    I know a lot of people think of Raisin Bran as a classic, but the fact that it’s winning is a travesty. C’mon people, show some love for the cereal that introduced us to dried cranberries…

    Also, I would think that RB can not be improved by nuking. It would turn it into a poor substitute for oatmeal (and I bet if you read this far, you probably know which one I would prefer).

  • LALALA says:

    I just can’t believe that a true classic of the genre, Cheerios, is getting all this hatred. Maybe it’s because I don’t have kids. I love them, my dog loves them – go Cheerios, GO!

  • Roberta says:

    @Tulip: Here at work, I’m running Internet Explorer 6.0 and an older version of Flash and I can’t see the voting either. I tried it last night on AOL, of all places, and it works fine there.

  • Margaret in CO says:

    @ Valerie: That kid would’ve been wearing my G&T then. Oog.
    @ Roberta, me too, but it works fine for me. I blame Java. I blame Java for most of the ills in the world…

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