"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Home » Culture and Criticism

The N Cookie AA: Round 1, Flight 4

Submitted by on June 30, 2014 – 7:27 AM17 Comments


As a chocolate sandwich cookie concept, I get it. As a name, however? Hydrox is one of the most bizarre decisions.

(Not sure what's going on here? Check out the N Cookie AA FAQ.)

Right along with the old-timey term "phosphorus" for a soda-shop soda, Hydrox smacks of food invented in a sterile chemical-filled lab with people wearing clean suits. Which I guess it is. And which, to be fair, I guess ALL of these cookies are, but you don't need to remind people of that; it's so unappetizing. I know it won't ever happen, but it would be kind of interesting to see them go up against Oreos.

I totally see the Farm Chesapeake and Sausalito leading this particular race and I'm not mad at it — those are two of my favorite cookies of all time. (However, I will SWEAR they have gotten smaller in circumference since I was a kid.) I see Dansk and Nillas up there, too. Although Nillas are meh for me now, they're totally the training ground cookies you're given as a kid — along with Lorna Doones — before you're deemed ready for the harder stuff, so I see them being classically popular enough to push on through. Dansk is a definite, I think, because those shiny blue tins are filled with butter-drenched heaven. Also, they were the cookies that kept on giving. You'd think you'd gotten down to the last cookie but no! There was another one and another one and ANOTHER ONE! And after that? There were more layers! God, life was delightful before I learned how to count.

I'm not sure on the fifth, though. Maybe Manischewitz macaroons will duke it out with Dare maple, but man, I wouldn't hate to see Mother's frosted animals get pulled along. Of course, I was pretty wrong about Mother's last time, so maybe it'll be a Pocky or anise-y Pizzelle surprise upset. — Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic

Well, this is interesting: a bunch of cult classics all clustered together, along with a few I've never tried and a few I just ignore when browsing for cookies (no offense, Chesapeake fans). Aaaaand one that's visually disgusting, yet irresistible.

I won't be voting for the Pooblobwiches Keebler insists on calling E.L. Fudge Double Stuffed, however. I've got to go Nillae (microwave 'em for 15-20 seconds, then perch them on your favorite sherbet or just eat 'em straight); Hydroces (the Oreo's superior cousin); the clumpy, dry Man-aroon in the bread-crumb tin; the Danish Butter, almost as much for the handy tin as for the crunchy, crumbly, rock-sugared sleeves of heaven inside (I have many fond memories of lounging around my dad's cramped top-floor "study" as a kid, reading while he paid bills or cataloged his coins; D1's storage system for various tchotckes and buttons of import is also a five-decade history of Royal Dansk fonts); and the Danish Butter's brother in visible-sugar accessorizing, the Ginger Man.

And I think a few of these might actually finish in your top five, too, as Hydrox fans are few but devoted and the Nilla Wafer is a classic. But I also see the oft-seconded Dare Maple Leaf Cream finishing high (and boy do I want to try those), along with one of the Keebs (probably the Grahams; y'all love a graham-adjacent snack) and the Happy Meal character cookies of yore. — Sarah D. Bunting

Vote now!

Vote for your FIVE (5) favorite cookies!

  • Nilla Wafers (14%, 331 Votes)
  • Royal Dansk Danish Butter Cookies (12%, 288 Votes)
  • Pepperidge Farm Sausalito (8%, 199 Votes)
  • Mother's Circus Animal Cookies, frosted (7%, 169 Votes)
  • Keebler Fudge Shop Deluxe Grahams (5%, 132 Votes)
  • Pepperidge Farm Chesapeake (5%, 131 Votes)
  • E.L. Fudge Double Stuffed (5%, 126 Votes)
  • Pocky chocolate (5%, 117 Votes)
  • Pepperidge Farm Ginger Man (5%, 116 Votes)
  • Pizzelle (4%, 108 Votes)
  • Chips Deluxe Fudge Stripes (4%, 107 Votes)
  • Dare Maple Leaf Cream (4%, 93 Votes)
  • Oreos, chocolate cream (4%, 89 Votes)
  • McDonald's character cookies (3%, 85 Votes)
  • Hydrox (3%, 82 Votes)
  • LU Pim's Raspberry (3%, 71 Votes)
  • Manischewitz macaroons (3%, 61 Votes)
  • Jaffacakes (2%, 60 Votes)
  • Peek Freans gingersnap (2%, 44 Votes)
  • Matt's chocolate chip (1%, 28 Votes)

Total Voters: 548

Loading ... Loading ...
Be Sociable, Share!



  • Sandman says:

    … Hydrox smacks of food invented in a sterile chemical-filled lab with people wearing clean suits.

    Or of the Labours of Hercules!

  • bristlesage says:

    I very much like Gingermen by themselves…but a Gingerman sandwich with crunchy peanut butter in between? YEP.

  • Keckler says:

    You know now that I think about it and have written the name out several times in the past hour, "Oreo" is also a weird name. It's almost Greek or something. I think it's the "x" and the "y" that make Hydrox especially bizarre, but also that it brings to mind hydrogen and oxygen.

  • drsue says:

    Deluxe Grahams! The one cookie I cannot keep in my house because i just can't stop eating them! They are amazing!

  • Keckler says:

    I think a brilliant companion to our NBracketAAs would be if Bunting and I collected all your individualized recipes for how you all eat certain things and made a bizarre cookbook.

  • Rebecca U says:

    People – Dare maple creme, how can this not be in the top 5? Now I need to go the grocery store on the way home.

    I'd be interested in the cookbook.

  • Rachel says:

    Only 8 votes for Matt's?! Those things are amazing! They were always the highlight of any trip to Aldi, which was the only place that carried them in Kansas.

  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    Buuuuuuuuterrrrrr coooookieeeeeees.

    Oh, yes.

    And I had to vote for Nillas because they are the only true vanilla wafer (none of those knockoffs get the texture right) and because of a story an old friend told me, of using Nillas to attract buffalo.

    Basically, buffalo love Nillas. So when his family growing up owned a few buffalo and wanted them to come close to the fence, they'd put out little piles of Nillas and wait. Sure enough, the buffalo would come up and start munching and whatever family/friends were visiting could take pictures.

  • Sandman says:

    "Oreo" is also a weird word, no doubt about it. "Hydrox" feels more Greek(ish) to me — that X and Y — but there's a strange formality in a cookie whose original name was "Oreo Sandwich," especially considering said cookie's colour approximates that of topsoil.

  • LizzieKath says:

    I'll confess to confusion as to whether the Chips Deluxe Fudge Stripes are the same as my beloved (reg'lar?) Keebler Fudge Stripes, but I voted for them just in case they are. I would put those donut-shaped guys on each of my fingers and then eat around the outsides, like a champion/true lady/Power Ranger/boss.

  • Nanc in Ashland says:

    Conversation between me and a coworker:

    Coworker: Is it me or do all of the cookie choices in this round somehow sound porny?

    Me: It's you.

    Coworker: Even the comments sound a little porny.

    Me: No,it's you!

    Coworker: No, seriously, read the names and then the comments! Especially Sandman's comment at 3:36 pm! Remember when we proofread that really long report for [giant international client] and we got a little punchy and kept saying "that sounds like an academic commenting on porn."?

    Me: Stop it! You're making me feel really dirty about voting for Royal Dansk Danish Butter Cookies!

  • Sandman says:

    Hee. Maybe it's just as well I refrained from commenting on Pocky Chocolate, then.

  • attica says:

    I have a friend who might be orthorexic; he's about healthy eating. And he loves him some Royal Dansk Danish Butter Cookies. Ergo, they must be good for you! Right? Right?!?

  • cayenne says:

    I could've been happy just voting for Dare Maple Creams & Royal Dansk this round. This stomping of the DMCs is a travesty, y'all.

    I don't understand this love for Nillas – they're just one tippy-toe step of a label change away from being a cracker. I mean, graham crackers are essentially bland sweet crackers – and bloody well CALLED crackers – so how is this different? Feh.

  • Kitty says:

    Pepperidge Farm Ginger Men! Pepperidge Farm Ginger Men!

    [Picture me in a marching band leader's hat and whistle twirling a baton]

    But seriously, one of the best cookies!

  • Heather C. says:

    PIZZELLES, BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Seriously, the only thing with anise I will ever eat. Make them myself at Christmas. The kids call them snowflake cookies and help me make them.

    And they are perfect in every way.

  • Allie says:

    For the some day cookbook: When I was a kid and my brother and I were especially good, Mom would serve us up Nilla wafers sandwiches – filled with chocolate frosting (from a can of course). OMG! So good/terrible!

Leave a comment!

Please familiarize yourself with the Tomato Nation commenting policy before posting.
It is in the FAQ. Thanks, friend.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>