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Home » Culture and Criticism

The N Cookie AA: Round 1, Flight 2

Submitted by on June 23, 2014 – 9:02 AM28 Comments


Okay, this is not the time to get into the chewy/soft-baked debate. NOT THE TIME.

(Not sure what’s going on here? Check out the N Cookie AA FAQ.)

Fig Newtons? Ramona Quimby said they were filled with worms and even though I was old enough to know better then and today, I still don’t disagree.

Oreos original? They’re fighting it out with Double Stufs in the finals, so we can move along.

Mint Milanos? Remind me of a horrible ex, so moving along.

Keebler Fudge Sticks were another opportunity for amateur cookie dissection and I adore them and I don’t know what I’ve been doing the last 20 years of my life not eating them.

Mallomars. So, I freaking LOVE these cookies. I don’t know if they are better or worse or the lovely same as Pinwheels but I don’t care. I have time to compare and they SHOULD move through because they are chocolate and cookie and marshmallow that has been fluffed more than a porn star. Eat them eat them now.

If you haven’t had Trader Joe’s Peppermint Joe Joe’s with ACTUAL CANDY CANES CRUSHED INTO THE FILLING? You haven’t ever eaten a cookie in your life. Shh. Just — SHHHT! No, NO, shut up, because you haven’t. (Dr. Mathra would feel the same about the dark-chocolate-covered peppermint Joe Joe’s but between you and me, I think the couverture is overkill.)

Those are my feelings. My predictions are: Oreos, Oreo Double Stufs, Mint Milanos of a horrible ex, Fig Newtons, and Chips Ahoy chewy. — Stephanie V.W. Lucianovic


Wow, randomizer. I hate you. This is a nightmare.

…Well, not for my own voting, because I can eliminate most of these out of hand: I’ve never tried any Trader Joe’s cookies, I hate raisins, and while I’ll sample the occasional stunt Oreo for Revolting Snacks, they’re not something we have in the house on the reg. I’d have to go Frosted Animal; Nabisco Ginger Snaps AND Newman’s Own Ginger Os; Tim Tams; and the humble chewy Chips Ahoy, just because Dirk loves them and we always have a tray around the house.

As for what gets through, I have no damn idea, but I think we can probably wave original Oreos and one of these TJ’s through based on the fervor of the nomination round, along with Mallomars (probably only here on a technicality, but extremely popular) and Fig Newtons. But what’s the fifth? Mint Milanos? Maybe. Fudge Sticks? Maybe. My prediction: Double Stuf, or good old reliable (if crappy) Chips Ahoy. — Sarah D. Bunting


Vote for your FIVE (5) favorite cookies!

  • Oreos, original (13%, 403 Votes)
  • Graham crackers (9%, 285 Votes)
  • Oreos, Double Stuf (9%, 268 Votes)
  • Chips Ahoy, chewy (8%, 252 Votes)
  • Fig Newtons (8%, 247 Votes)
  • Pepperidge Farm Mint Milanos (8%, 241 Votes)
  • Mallomars (6%, 188 Votes)
  • Keebler Fudge Sticks (6%, 181 Votes)
  • Trader Joe's Peppermint Joe Joe's Sandwich (6%, 170 Votes)
  • Nabisco Ginger Snaps (5%, 151 Votes)
  • Keebler Frosted Animal Cookies (5%, 150 Votes)
  • Tim Tams, chocolate (4%, 127 Votes)
  • Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Peppermint Joe Joes (4%, 110 Votes)
  • Keebler Rainbow Chips Deluxe (2%, 68 Votes)
  • Newman's Own Ginger Os (2%, 62 Votes)
  • President's Choice Butter First Oatmeal Cookies (1%, 34 Votes)
  • Matt's Oatmeal Raisin (1%, 34 Votes)
  • President's Choice Lemon Lucullans (1%, 30 Votes)
  • Christie's Pirate Cookies, oatmeal peanut butter (1%, 21 Votes)
  • Oreos, Uh-Ohs (1%, 16 Votes)

Total Voters: 665

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  • attica says:

    No, I can’t endorse the chewy verzh of the Chips Ahoy. There’s something so unnatural about them, and they’re clearly trying to outdo my beloved Freihofer’s. The crispy kind? Yes. One needs a crispy cookie for milk-dunking.

    I would’ve voted for the Fig, but the redesigned recipe is so much fail, I cannot in good conscience support it. Fie on the Fig!

  • Heather C. says:

    If Mint Milanos don’t go through, it will be a travesty of epic proportions. Those are my cookie kryptonite.

  • adam807 says:

    Stephanie, I love you, but candy canes have no place in anything you have to chew. (I’m looking at you, Williams-Sonoma Peppermint Bark.) All those sticky little bits getting stuck in your molars, not to mention the sharp pointy bits providing a risk of real injury. Yet another reason why Trader Joe’s is a nightmare without end.

  • Molly says:

    Clearly the only reason TimTams aren’t getting more votes is that not enough Americans have tried TimTams. Best. Cookie. Ever.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Word, Molly.

  • Sandman says:

    Three other people have HEARD of Lemon Lucullans? Wow. I’m oddly thrilled. I’ve never seen a Mint Milano, but I’m sure I’d like one if I met with it. Christie’s Pirate Cookies must be a Canadian thing, too.

  • Jo says:

    Oh, no. Three of the five cookies I nominated are on this list. What a tough bracket!

    Attica: THANK YOU. My husband thinks it’s weird that I like crispy cookies. He likes his practically still runny. We always have to take cookies out of the oven, put his on a plate, and then put mine back in. I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  • Robin in Philly says:

    Oh, crispy chocolate chip cookies are of the devil, served daily in Hell alongside overcooked vegetables. If I can’t bend my cookie like a taco shell, it has no place in my life.

    I was grateful to see the Uh-Oh Oreos make it onto the list; I have little love for regular Oreos (not a fan of carrying chocolate bits around in my teeth the rest of the day), but vanilla sandwich cookies are my long-time love and Oreos does them right (both choc AND vanilla fillings).

    …And if the Mallomar doesn’t make it through to the next round, I am dropping my mic and WALKING OFF STAGE.

  • Kristin 2 the Kristin Boogaloo says:

    Candy canes have no place anywhere; they’re just nasty starlight mints with a stylist. Ugh.

    Excited to see the humble graham cracker, cookie of so many sick days, making a run. But bummed that Mallomars are currently behind, because those rock.

  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    There are so many cookies I have not tried. Life is too short for all the books and cookies out there.

    Mint Milanos, come to mama.

  • S says:

    Vote for the Pirate’s peanut butter oatmeal cookie, you guys. Imagine an oatmeal Oreo with peanut butter filling.

  • Keckler says:

    @adam807 But see, these candy canes are so crushed they absolutely do not get stuck in your teeth. They aren’t sizable bits like the bark. And believe me, M hates it when stuff gets in his teeth and he loves these.

  • Jo says:

    I can’t believe Ginger-O’s aren’t getting more votes. I only assume people haven’t tried them. I’ve been craving them ever since the original request for nominations was posted, and the stores I’ve looked at have been out every time. So sad.

  • Jane says:

    I came here to say precisely what Molly already said. And I insist anyone with access to a Cost Plus World Market stop what you’re doing immediately and go seek out Arnott’s Original Chocolate Biscuits so you, too, can experience Tim Tam bliss. Expert level: learn to execute a Tim Tam slam.

  • Plaidsneakers says:

    Graham Cracker is NOT a cookie.

  • Lily P. says:

    Graham crackers?!? Graham crackers are not cookies! They are crackers!

    In other news, mint milanos are cookie royalty and should reign supreme over all these peasant cookies (and CRACKERS!).

  • Ben says:

    Word Attica. There is one acceptable soft chocolate chip cookie and it’s bite sized. Freihofers, suck it ‘hoys. I feel like the soft Chips Ahoy should be labelled Chewy? Chips Ahoy because the texture is more akin to slimy or syrupy than actually cookie like. I’m not coming out in full on support of crispy cookies, but I am very anti-“gross soft ones”.

  • bluesabriel says:

    Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Peppermint Joe Joes?! Why was I not aware these existed?!

    “If I can’t bend my cookie like a taco shell, it has no place in my life.” You get me, Robin in Philly.

  • Jenn says:

    Eat all the hard cookies you want. Then have fun naming the ants that come to eat all your crumbs.

  • Nanc in Ashland says:

    @Jenn for some reason I hear a Miracle Max/have fun storming the castle voice saying your “Then have fun naming the ants that come to eat all your crumbs.” line!

  • Sandman says:

    I saw packets of Tim Tams in a store yesterday for the first time in my life. I had no idea they existed before this bracket, honestly. (Maybe I’ve been walking past them all this time?)Clearly the universe wants to eat them. Thanks for giving fate a nudge, Sars (and the Nation)!

  • Sandman says:

    Er. Wants ME to eat them, I mean.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    It’s both, hee.

  • Kat From Jersey says:

    I’ve always wanted to try Tim Tams (mainly because they’re offered to a character in ‘Muriel’s Wedding’), but I’ve seen them in the International aisle in my grocery store. I vow to pick them up this weekend when I’m doing my weekly shopping.

  • Leigh in CO says:

    So now I picture your abode with fancy silver trays of cookies sitting about. It must be heaven there.

  • LizzieKath says:

    MALLOMARS. Sars doesn’t lie. Amazefluffs.

    Though after seeing the Tim Tam slam on an Australian talk show (thanks YouTube!), I have great trans-Pacific respect for them.

  • Kitty says:

    Man, I know I’m the only person on earth who can’t stand Oreos, but boy am I going to be disappointed when all of the Oreo permutations keep making it through these rounds.

    I love anything with ginger in it, so I will always vote that way!

  • Sandman says:

    Ermahgerd, people — Tim Tams! WHY DIDN’T ONE OF YOU TELL ME?

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