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Home » Culture and Criticism

TN Read-Along #13: Inside Scientology Discussion Thread

Submitted by on December 18, 2011 – 12:15 PM59 Comments

William Poundstone is pretty good with a low-pH zinger. In Bigger Secrets, a book I’ve reread a hundred times thanks primarily to Poundstone’s “…seriously?” prose, he gives this account of Scientology’s handling of Hubbard’s death:

Finally in 1986, the Scientology organization conceded that Hubbard was permanently indisposed. The word death was studiously avoided, but we were given to understand that Hubbard “no longer had need of the encumbrance of the physical identity we have known as L. Ron Hubbard,” in the words of Scientology President Heber Jentzsch. (60-61)

So far, Inside Scientology is offering a similar experience: the sense, in prose, of a chef uncovering a dish, then standing back from it silently while it steams.

As I may have mentioned elsewhere, I’m listening to the book, so the experience is a bit different — starting with the fact that I consume it primarily in the car, so all the eye-rolling I do at L. Ron Hubbard’s made-up words and kookoopants conceptions of our collective past (…a…mollusk? world? REALLY, NUTBAR?!), and Scientologists’ credulity thereof, has nearly sent me off the road several times.

I haven’t finished it yet — as of this writing, I’ve gotten to the part where that Jeff guy is trying to dodge the draft by taking over Scientology’s graphic-design “org.” So far, though, I’ve been impressed that what the introduction promised — as balanced a look as possible at the history and workings of Scientology — is pretty much delivered, not least because the even-toned presentation makes much of the man and his teachings look that much more ridiculous. (There is one spot where she stops just short of adding an acerbic “…for ONCE” to a sentence about how Hubbard did not write to the FBI to complain about something or other as he had 23,193 times in the past. Heh.) The narrator, Stephen Hoye, has an “I don’t make the news, folks; I just report it” delivery that creates smug delight around each variation on the theme of “research failed to substantiate Hubbard’s grandiose claims” — of which there are many. Hoye’s rendition of the lead-up to the Saturday Evening Post‘s story on the Church, then Hubbard’s childlike reaction to the author’s contemptuous hit job (and the snippets from the hit job itself), is immensely entertaining. I also like the patronizing micro-pause he takes before each time he says “LRH.” Because: barf.

I admire Hubbard’s construction of the organization. He was clearly a megalomaniac, but the explanation of how the special terminology — how words no longer mean what they mean to “suppressive persons” — both makes converts feel special and privileged and effectively estranges them from outsiders is concisely insightful, and Hubbard’s ability to capitalize on certain sore spots and anxieties, while not used for good in my opinion, is in fact an “ability.” Reitman’s refusal to break the authorial wall and wail “THIS IS THE SMURFIEST THING I EVER HEARD — ‘A GIANT CLAM,’ FOR FUCK’S SAKE” is really quite heroic, as I screamed that very thing to myself in the car last night about ten times and I doubt I could have resisted doing so in Reitman’s shoes. (I have also screamed things like “MARRY SOMEONE YOUR OWN AGE, YOU BIGAMOUS DEADBEAT-DAD HOG FART” and “WHY DON’T YOU ‘INTREPIDLY EXPLORE’ A BEEHIVE, YOU LYING WEIRDO” and “PLEASE LEARN CRITICAL THINKING, NINETEEN-SIXTIES TWENTYSOMETHINGS, JESUS H. CHRIST.”)

It’s informative, it’s obviously meticulously researched, and it’s creeping me right out that searching for it on Google pops Scientology’s own website up first. Nice SEO, thetans.

What about you guys? How’s the writing from a reading (vs. listening) standpoint? Any disgusted muttering occasioned by the word “Dianeticists”? Anyone else giggle at the part where Hubbard is all, “Dear Navy, I wish to inform you that blah blah leaving the state, as surely you will give many shits about my whereabouts at all times,” and the Navy was like, “Whatever, dude. Take care”?

Speaking of that, one last snippet from Poundstone on Hubbard’s d’oh-stinguished naval career:

Off Oregon, Hubbard’s ship engaged what they thought was a Japanese submarine. The navy thinks it was just a log. Hubbard’s ship next sailed down the coast and opened fire on Mexico. Since we weren’t at war with Mexico, the navy thought this was a dumb idea. Hubbard was discharged for arthritis and bursitis. (60)

Reitman differs in that Hubbard was apparently released because of his ulcers, and also for being a pain in the ass, but still. Hee.

…Discuss!

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59 Comments »

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    I can’t believe that David Miscavage 1) has a personal tanning bed and 2) made Sea Org members tithe for his schmancy birthday presents. Ass.

  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    Seriously! Gawd, it’s like he went out and bought the “Big Book Of Sham Religious Leader Cliches”, studied it closely, and just creeated this persona out of whole cloth!

  • Hannah says:

    This whole book I kept flashing on the Simpson’s episode where they join a cult. (“Be careful, Dad. You’re the highly suggestable type.” “I .AM. the highly suggestable type.”)

    I never realized at the time that that was specifically about Scientology, but the wave of red hair on the Leader brings it all home.

    “Outsiders have kidnapped some of our property! We must respond with our deadliest weapon.”

    “The lawyers.”

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Miscavage’s beagles had Sea Org uniforms! WTF!

  • Todd K says:

    Mine is on the way; I hope I can read at least some of it while the discussion is ongoing. I like the idea of having all of this information within one volume, but I’m curious as to how close to its own publication date the book goes. I know that some developments like Dr. Joan Wood’s death and the defection/harassment of Placido Domingo’s son came after the book’s release. But does Reitman acknowledge that epic New Yorker piece and the fallout from same (even if only in an epilogue)?

    The author of the New Yorker article has a book of his own in the works, I believe.

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    There’s a mention of Paul Haggis and the New Yorker piece. I can’t say whether that was added to the audio version, but it’s in there.

  • Sandman says:

    “Release the hounds! Rel – what do you mean ‘No hounds’? This is Sea Org! Of course we ha – fine! Release the beagles! In their Sea Org T-shirts! Behold my wrath and tremble, o mine enemies…”

  • The Ronbot Hunter says:

    Always find the true and real source of all illnesses—The GOD RON lies.

    THE RONBOT HUNTER
    ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  • Todd K says:

    Have you seen that leaked music video on YouTube, “We Stand Tall”? I will pause so you can make your own too-easy height joke about a couple of noteworthy CoS men. Okay, done? Moving on. The processed 1990 inspira-pop is hard to listen to (it isn’t a clam story that’s making my jaw clench until it hurts; it’s that percussion track), but it’s worth a look for fascinating sing-along footage of DM, his then-lieutenants and his wife. Because almost everyone standing near him has either vanished or flipped.

    I finished Reitman’s book tonight, with mixed feelings. It was like an extended magazine article in both good and bad ways — a brisk, easy, compelling read, and yes effectively dispassionate in tone, but not as wide or deep as I would have liked. Part of my problem may be that while I was waiting for it to arrive, I got engrossed in Tony Ortega’s blog at the Village Voice, a resource highly recommended to anyone with an interest in this subject, as it is updated constantly and covers everything that hits the radar. I get that Reitman had to separate essential from nonessential lest she wind up with a 1200-page tome weighed down by 60 years of CoS controversies. I’m still surprised at not a single mention of, say, Bob Minton (the millionaire activist who was the group’s biggest thorn in the post-McPherson years…until they “got to” him somehow and neutralized him, a stunning reversal) or Heber Jentzsch (the CoS’s actual president, in name only; reportedly a target of frequent abuse; whereabouts now unknown).

    Still, because it’s up to the minute for 2011 and it’s written in an accessible and reader-friendly way, and makes an effort to be even-handed, Reitman’s book becomes the leader in its field for now. I’ll definitely read Lawrence Wright’s too.

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