“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: January 15, 2008
January 15, 2008 · No Comment

Hiya Sars,
I’m so deeply mired in a squabble with my now-former roommate, I could really use a sane outside voice to tell me who’s right and who’s wrong. The issue is this: when Roomie and …

The Grudge
January 15, 2008 · 13 Comments
<I>The Grudge</I>

“I’m-a get out of this boring movie even if I have to crawl.”
The Grudge gets off to a promising start — the opening sequence with Pullman is startling and effective — but it’s all downhill …

The Caine Mutiny
January 14, 2008 · 5 Comments
<I>The Caine Mutiny</I>

“It’s all ball bearings these days!”
I’m told that Altman’s TV-movie version, The Caine Mutiny Court Martial, is superior to this one; I’ll have to check that out. I read the book back in high school …

Russian Orthodox Guyzmas
January 12, 2008 · One Comment

Actually, I think Orthodox Christmas has come and gone, but it’s my go-to line for stuff that happens in early January — like tonight’s Guyz Nite show, which starts at 10 PM at Crash Mansion …

January 10, 2008 · 12 Comments

“You want the prime minister of Malaysia killed, you can do it your own damn self. Now give me your cell, I’m calling a cab.”
Not an unenjoyable two hours, but Gaslight fell somewhat flat for …

The Vine: January 9, 2008
January 9, 2008 · No Comment

My boss (who is a judge, by the way, thus the legalese) says that the following sentence is correct:
“A conclusion that none of Plaintiff’s damages was caused by the fall is not reasonable, so …

Shut up, Robin Scorpio
January 8, 2008 · 19 Comments

Miss Alli, Joe R, and I reminisce unfondly about the ’80s glory days of General Hospital on the Telefile. We’ve probably started to bore everyone else, but until someone can explain to me why Buzz …

Tears in my ears
January 7, 2008 · 46 Comments
Tears in my ears

(Anyone else remember that song? “I’ve got tears in my ears, from lying on my back, crying over you”?)
I don’t care for Hillary Clinton. I don’t feel as strongly about it as I used to, …

The Vine: January 3, 2008
January 3, 2008 · No Comment

Hey there,
Need some feedback, please. I met a guy at a mutual friend’s party about three weeks ago. We hooked up, but no actual sex that night. It was super-fun. Since then, we’ve gotten together …

Team America: World Police
January 2, 2008 · 28 Comments
<I>Team America: World Police</I>

“Nice brog!”
Had it on the DVR for ages, didn’t get around to watching it until last week. Loved it! I don’t watch South Park, not because I don’t think it’s funny but because I can’t …