Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Unsolicited Advice
March 17, 2003 · One Comment

As you probably know, I write an advice column, in which I counsel petitioners on everything from the rules of English usage to break-up etiquette to whether gout is contagious (it isn’t). But over the …

The Vine: March 12, 2003
March 12, 2003 · No Comment

There’s a car commercial running right now — don’t know what the car is — wherein Jeff Goldblum says, “Pretty impactful, huh?”
Chaps my ass every time.
Also, an unrelated but interesting thing: According to my dictionary, …

The Vine: March 11, 2003
March 11, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I’m being stalked by a cat. A big gray cat who is most definitely owned by someone in my neighborhood, as it has a collar, but I don’t know who the owner might be. …

Rock, Tree, Fish
March 10, 2003 · No Comment

Madeline went out into the lane in front of the house, turned right, and began to walk down it, off to find Charlie. It was the kind of cold day that didn’t feel all that …

The Vine: March 7, 2003
March 7, 2003 · No Comment

Hi Sars,
All the grammar talk in the Vine recently has reminded me of
something that has bugged me for a while. It seems to me that when I
first met the phrase “free rein” way back whenever, …

The Vine: March 6, 2003
March 6, 2003 · No Comment

Sars,
I just got a cat
about eight weeks ago. She was a poor cat that had been abandoned when her
owner had died, and whoever came to take the woman away didn’t realize the
woman had this cat. …

The Vine: March 5, 2003
March 5, 2003 · No Comment

Sars,
I have a cat-related question, and thought you might be able to help.
I recently moved into a new house with four complete strangers. Surprisingly, that’s not the problem. We all get along quite well. The …

The Vine: March 4, 2003
March 4, 2003 · No Comment

Hey Sars,
I hope you can address a grammatical issue for me and my advisor. It’s about the article before an abbreviation. One abbreviation that we commonly use in our business is MIC (mean inhibitory concentration). …

Enfants Terribles
March 3, 2003 · 20 Comments
Enfants Terribles

In honor of International 9.02.10 Day, a trip into the archives with Dylan and his fugly duster. I also recapped the pilot for TWoP, if you think you can take it (or read Wing’s version …

The Vine: February 28, 2003
February 28, 2003 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I have noticed how much you despise the word “irregardless,” and I also
have a word pet peeve. I have a severe dislike — no, hate for the words
“flammable” and “inflammable.” I mean, what’s the …