"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Tulsa Diaries
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

My father woke me up at 5 AM and we trucked to Newark Airport.I boarded the plane and fell fast asleep despite a pre-flight cup of coffee that had the potency (not to mention …

Truth In Advertising
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

The other day, I strolled over to Blockbuster to return a video.On the way there, I wondered to myself how I should address The "Hi" Problem.The "Hi" Problem arises whenever I enter Blockbuster.Apparently, one of …

The Too Much Information Desk
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

In his excellent piece in March's Vanity Fair entitled "The Death of Shame," Christopher Hitchens related David Letterman's attempt to interrupt Howard Stern in the middle of an orgasm:
"Letterman, who I'm sure would rather die …

Take Five…Please: Why So Many Hate The Spice Girls So Much
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

A few years ago, the sister of a friend of mine came up with an interesting theory about Hootie and the Blowfish.I don't know remember how she devised this hypothesis — the mind of a …

StairMaster To Heaven
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

Every morning when I wake up, I turn on The Today Show.I do this partly to drown out the meowing of a hungry feline; partly to find out what the weather is doing, since finding …

The Smokies
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

For weeks before taking my vacation — and I have, as of this writing, fled my sweaty Manhattan digs for the more relaxing and cat-hair-free pastures of Cape Cod — I pondered how to write …

Rolling Stone'd
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

Last weekend, I went out to brunch by myself.I tucked my smokes into my back pocket and my Rolling Stone under my arm and headed around the way to the Gemini Diner.I wanted to read …

The Pod People
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

A couple of weeks ago, an old friend and I headed to a bar for its weekly Ladies Night.We found the concept of Ladies Night — undoubtedly devised by a sly heterosexual male in order …

Playing By The Rules
March 11, 1996 · One Comment

Last week, on one of my perambulations through the aisles of Barnes and Noble, I spotted a little book that had caused quite a stir both in the self-help community and among feminist folk for …

Perspective Check
March 11, 1996 · No Comment

I spent most of this afternoon on my back on the kitchen floor.My air conditioning unit is installed in the kitchen window, so I stationed myself in the kitchen with a book of short stories …