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Home » Stories, True and Otherwise

The Nause-AA After Hours: Onomatopoll #1

Submitted by on October 31, 2012 – 9:19 PM22 Comments


Hello, everyone! You may remember that, during The Naus-AA proper, we talked about doing a master poll of all the vom sounds we came up with in the comments. Well, what better time than Halloween, when you’ve already gorged yourself on candy corn (hew), and/or presidential-election season with its figurative nauseation, to choose a barfavorite? (Unless you’re really emeto-suggestible, in which case maaaaaybe skip it.)

I’ve got a spreadsheet — I know, right? — of all the sounds and the commenters responsible, and the coiners of the most “popular” (read: revolting) terms will win prizes, which I’ll announce when we get to the finals.

I’ve compiled all the onomatopoeia into a series of three polls; you’ll see all the “HOARF”s and “BRALF”s in alpha order, roughly. You vote for the three (3)…best? Most evocative? How you vote is up to you. The three finalists will proceed to another poll, where we’ll choose the “winner.”

First poll is below. Choose the three (3) best, or most evocative, or whatever positive that isn’t really a positive. Then go lie down.

Onomatopoll #1: Pick your three (3) top barf sounds!

  • (HRRRAAAAALLLFFFF) (13%, 140 Votes)
  • {hooooarrf}  (11%, 116 Votes)
  • (hooooark!) (10%, 107 Votes)
  • (ulp) (gurk) (8%, 88 Votes)
  • (HEWORGH!) (8%, 82 Votes)
  • BLEARGGHGHGH! (7%, 70 Votes)
  • (hork) (6%, 65 Votes)
  • *urp* (6%, 63 Votes)
  • (Bleargh.) (6%, 61 Votes)
  • (huuuuuuurfgh)  (6%, 58 Votes)
  • blarff! (5%, 52 Votes)
  • Blarghh. (3%, 29 Votes)
  • (blorb) (2%, 24 Votes)
  • (HURL) (2%, 17 Votes)
  • BIZZARRLLFFFF!!!1! (2%, 17 Votes)
  • (hunf) (1%, 13 Votes)
  • (hrf)  (1%, 11 Votes)
  • ARRCKERFFFF (1%, 10 Votes)

Total Voters: 369

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  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    Whaaaat in God’s name is that picture?

    Ahrrgh, don’t tell me!

  • Katie says:

    Hey Jen S.10 beat me to it! I was going to ask the exact same thing. What for the love of all that is holy IS that

  • Holly F. says:

    If my horse “HUYUKKKK-blatsplat” is not in one of these polls, I will riot!

    And yes, that picture is disgusting(ly awesome).

  • Sandman says:

    I thinks it’s rice pudding, and I think it’s dead. I don’t even hate raisins (at least until now) but, mother of God…!

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    I believe that was the result of a “goulash vomit” search string. Wait, no, the goulashes didn’t look nast enough so I switched to “food that looks like barf.”

    There will be no shortage of selections for Round 2’s photo, either. Clam chowder alone. Frerfffl.

  • Isabel C. says:

    I would like to note that I came to this page with a cake-flavored-vodka hangover. Thanks. ;)

  • Anlyn says:

    Individually, the sounds don’t bother me. Reading them all at once, though? Blegh. (not my best effort, but it’s early and I haven’t had coffee)

  • Nanc in Ashland says:

    I managed to vote in this one but seeing as I’m a total sympathy puker I think I’m gonna skip subsequent rounds!

    Have you timed it so the final falls on election day?

  • Tylia says:

    Hork is only getting 19% of the vote? I thought that would be so much higher. I’m utterly disappointed in my go to vom sound of choice’s current standing. Let’s make hork happen please.

  • Jen S 1.0 says:

    @Holly, I think that one was mine! Nice to know I have one vote in the most disgusting poll EVAH.

  • frogprof says:

    See, @Tylia, “hork” is what my cats do when afflicted with hairballs. I don’t see that one as a human on-emeto-peia.

  • Elizabeth A says:

    Juuuust felt the need to mention that I clicked over just as I was digging into lunch, and thought “oh, no…no no no.” And went on my merry way until after I’d finished eating.
    At which time, I immediately navigated right back and voted.

  • Maru says:

    I’m sorry to see “urp” so low in the poll. Not that it is particularly realistic, but it’s the word my mom always used when carsickness struck me. Awwww, vomit nostalgia.

  • Tori says:

    One of the most hilarious tricks of theatre is fake live vomit.

    If you have to see it, watered down cream of mushroom soup has caused a house of 149 to recoil and groan out loud the moment it splorshed onstage.

    If you don’t have to see it, but oh god does this one smell like it when you prepare, chunky salsa plus Coca-cola makes a horrible in-trash-can florkchhh that can almost stop a scene in a 229 house, and force the director to cut it because he’s so disgusted.

    The more you know!

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    Sadly, I would like to know more. What’s better for fake frolf: oatmeal or mushroom? clam chowder or pistachio pudding?

    …Where’re you guys going?


  • Grace says:

    That was a first – my three choices turned out to be the top three vote-getters in the poll; the best match I’ve ever had with my taste and that of the TN hive mind is 2 out of 3, and usually 1 out of three. (And yes, I chose to use the word “taste”, as it goes so badly with an assortment of barf sounds.)

  • Nanc in Ashland says:

    Huh, Sars’ question about oatmeal vs. cream of mushroom soup for fake barf reminds me of why I was booted out of Girl Scouts as a cadet–warm oatmeal in the troop leader’s shoes during an overnight. (Her husband thought it was funny–he said so as he drove the we three culprits home a day early).

  • Tori says:

    It’s really the chunks of obviously-not-the-same-as-the-goop that makes it revolting, as well as the sound it makes. Straight cream of mushroom is too goopy, but watering it down just a little gets the runny sploshy bit AND the chunky wobbly bits plorping down in a decidedly gross fashion. Oatmeal may not hold together well enough if you leave it slightly liquidy, and I imagine it congeals quickly backstage, but in a pinch (such as at camp!) I think it might do nicely!

    I actually make a delicious and protein-laden breakfast that involves smooshing together yolky fried eggs, cooked oatmeal, chopped chorizo, and pepper jack cheese and beating it all together in a vaguely yellow-beige mash with bits of red chorizo and cooked egg whites peaking through. Delicious, but, as I found out when I was enjoying it in the greenroom, looks like some particularly disgusting vomit-in-a-bowl.

    My dad swears though that you always need carrots, because for some reason, there’s always carrots!

  • Tori says:

    Oh balls, the other half: Clam chowder leaves that fishy aroma that can really permeate a theatre, so you have to be careful with how you deploy that one, though I imagine the texture, especially New England’s version, would be sublime, though it too would need to be watered down just a little.

    Pistachio pudding might be a bit… green. Everyone thinks vomit is green, but it so rarely is. It can look cartoonish on a realistic stage.

  • Elsajeni says:

    I can’t believe (hrf) is getting so few votes! I guess it doesn’t really sound like an entire vomit — more of a gorge-rising-but-I-held-it-in noise. But it’s so accurate!

  • Robin in Philly says:

    Tori, I cannot tell you how much you’re making me miss the theatre right now. “How can we make realistic stage blood that’s both vegan and can be consumed in large quantities without making actors vomit?”

    (For the curious/not-already-nauseated: our director’s answer was a mixture of chocolate syrup, strawberry sauce, and cornstarch.)

  • Emma says:

    It’s disturbing how many of these show up with regularity in Dave Barry columns. Hee.

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