Welcome to AFS 435: Advanced Foley Studio. AFS 435 is an independent-study unit for sound-design students looking to build their ambient-noise portfolios. You will receive one grade for the semester, based on your ability to replicate various sounds common to, and annoying to the residents of, an apartment building in Brooklyn. (NB: Sticking a boom mic out the window will result in an automatic incomplete.)

Prerequisites — AFS 313: Feline Foley Studio; AFS 315: Sound Design for Earplug-Wearers; AFS 373/PSY 239: Repetition Lab

Iiiiii, iiiiii, iiiiii, iiiiii, iiiiii, wrrrrr, iiiiii, iiiiii, iiiiii. (subtle, “The Yellow Wallpaper”-ish hum of ceiling fan)

Haaaaaahhhhhhhhhnnnnnk. Hahnk-haaaaaaaaaaahhhhnk. (eighteenth fire truck of the evening, because apparently the few citizens of Park Slope who aren’t falling asleep smoking in bed or hibachi-ing indoors are driving up 4th Avenue with their hearing aids turned off)

“Rhubarb watermelon, rhubarb watermelon, rhubarb watermelon.” (poetry slammers working the kinks out on the sidewalk in front of the spoken-word café downstairs)

Rrrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrrrrrr, rrrrrrrrrrrr, skkkkrrrrrhhhhheeeeee, rrrrrrrrrrr. (garbage trucks on cardboard collection day)

Keh-LONK! (neighbor dropping 15-pound weight on floor)

Hhhhhhiiiihhhhhhhh? (plumbing reacting to flush elsewhere in building)

“Aaaaaaiieeeeeeee!” (resident in shower reacting to flush elsewhere in building)

HHHHHIIIIIIIIIIHHHH! Blrbb blrbb blrbb blrbb blrbb…fffshhhhhhh. (on-site flush)

“Rreh rreh rreh? Rreh?” “Wah!” “Rreh ooo yah yah rreh!” “Wah wah wih wih!” [Pif plonk whump pif whump.] “RREH? RREH?!” “WAH WAH WAH!” (shoving fight at subway entrance)

Woooiiiip! Wip wip? Wip! Wooooooo-ooooo-iip! (police car’s “move it along, you two” siren)

Shhhoop…shhhoop…shhhoop…shhhooop. (every window on block opening for better eavesdropping on fight between two drunk guys that apparently required five cop cars, the paddywagon, and eighteen uniformed officers to break up)

P-p-p-p-p-pit! (cat patting small insect to death)

Boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch boom-ch. (neighbor likes a drum and a bass, oh yes he does)

Blat blat blat blat blaaaaaaaaat bl-blat blaaaat, blat blat blat blat blaaaaaaat bl-blat blaaaat, hehn hehn hehn hehhhhhhhn, h-hehn hehn hehn hehn hehn heeeeeehhhhhn. (neighbor taking a run at the Sanford & Son theme while practicing the trumpet)

Skedefump skedefump. “Fffft!” Skedefump… skedefumpskedefumpskedefumpskedefump…fump fump fump. “Reh? RREEEEHHH!! … Mee?” Fump fump fump fump fedebump fumpfumpfump bink! (cat fight)

Pfffffffffffffffffff. Pffff. Pffffffffffffffffff. Pff. Pf pf pf pf…pf…pf? PFFFFFFFFFFF! Clink. Pf. Clink. CLINK PF CLINK. …Pff. (radiator)

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-RRRRRRRAAARRR rrrrmmbbrrrrrmrrrrrrr RRRBBBRRRMMMRR mmrmmrrrmmbbb PPPCCCHAU PCCCCHAU PKRWWWWW prrrrrkrkkkwww. (neighbors watching war movie with full surround sound)

…ssssss. (plaster filtering gently down from ceiling after particularly thrilling battle sequence in Hamburger Hill)

Fwump stomp stomp stomp ffffwump stomp stomp stomp ffffwump stomp stomp stomp ffffwump stomp stomp stomp ffffwump stomp stomp stomp ffffwump stomp stomp stomp. …FWUMP. Kebonk. (neighbor coming home with laundry)

Blat blaaaaaaat blat blaaa-aa-aa-aaaaat bl-bl-blaaaaaaaaat blat blaaaat? …At-at-at-at. (neighbor embroidering “Auld Lang Syne” on trumpet…while, apparently, in bathtub…at one-thirty in morning…true story, folks)

eeeeeee BRRRSSHHPRENG (cat knocking over bicycle)

wffwffwff? pip pip wffwffwff (neighbor’s cat’s paw coming under door, getting pounced on by on-site cat, coming under door for one last swipe)

gedunk gedunk gedunk gedunk gedunk sprreeeeeeee gedunk gedunk gedunk gedunk gedunk sprreeeeeee gedunkdunkdunk (neighbor carrying bicycle down stairs)

Scccrrmp crmp crmp crmp crmp ffssssffsssfssss crmp crmp. …Crmp. …Crmp. Scccrrrmmmp crmp. (cat in litter box)

krrrrt krrrrt krrrrt “Dammit!” krrrtrrrrt wwhhhwssssss plenk (burnt cookie refusing to evacuate cookie sheet, then sailing in parabolic post-surrender arc out into living room)

fl-fl-fl-fl-fl-fl-fl-fl-flllllssspppp (precariously balanced armful of mail hitting the deck after losing fight with sticky door lock)

February 14, 2005

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