"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

Home » Stories, True and Otherwise

Word Of The Day: "chianteeth"

Submitted by on February 16, 2011 – 9:01 AM9 Comments

chianteeth (kee-ahn-teeth). n. 1. Discoloration of the teeth, lips, and tongue due to consumption of red wine. 2. The relative state of inebriation accompanying said discoloration, and resulting difficulty in denying same. Syn.: "grin-ot noir," "sangio-face."

"Horrified by the rictus of chianteeth she sported in many of the photos from Portia's wedding, Hazel was forced to untag herself in all of them on Facebook."

Be Sociable, Share!



  • Anne-Cara says:

    Oh god, do those wine wipes actually exist? And if yes, where can I get some?

  • Sarah D. Bunting says:

    @A-C: The graphic should be linked, but in case it isn't working:

  • Scarlettb says:

    This is at least 40% of the reason I only drink white wine, not red. (The other 60% involves the high likelihood that I will spill some of it down my front, and my hatred of engaging in stain removal processes.)

  • Rachel says:

    Excellent word! This condition is known as "the purps" around here, though.

  • Kelly says:

    I know the condition as "wineers," like veneers, but after a glass or ten of red.

  • Louisa says:

    I don't know how true it is, but I heard eating cheese before having red wine puts down a film of fat or salt or magical cheese particles that stops the wine staining your teeth. Since I can't tell the difference between wine and vinegar myself, I haven't tested it.

  • Felis says:

    @Scarlettb: For what it's worth, the stain remover of choice which my MIL swears by is blue Dawn (must be blue Dawn for the "power scrubbers") mixed with a little peroxide. Apply directly to stain, wait a couple of minutes to let it work, then rinse. I've tried it and it works! Takes the red-wine stain (or grape juice stain or whatever) right out of the carpet, table cloth, upholstery, you-name-it!

  • Ben says:

    @Felis I totally thought you were talking about using that solution for the chianteeth… not the spilling of wine on garments and such.

  • SaidBlacksmith says:

    Oxyclean. I used this when I worked for Cirque- the patrons would often spill wine on the actors when they ran through the audience.
    I just recently used this when I spilled the last half of a glass upon falling asleep watching a movie… turns green then just fades… takes about an hour, but don't leave it on overnight- it will fade the fabric.

Leave a comment!

Please familiarize yourself with the Tomato Nation commenting policy before posting.
It is in the FAQ. Thanks, friend.

You can use these tags:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>