Dear sir,
The next time you find yourself wearing sunglasses indoors, ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I the leader of a cult?
2. Am I either John Munch or Bono?
3. Have I recently undergone surgery on my …

I remember my 17-year-old body — not well, because I had it half a lifetime ago, but I remember it, and my only regret about it is that I had to use it at a …

I wish WNYC.org had some sort of code that let me skip the pledge-period haranguing now that I’ve already donated. Every time I have to restart the audio stream, Brian What’shisnuts is giving me guilt …

It’s from an old-ish issue, but I just yesterday ran across Time Out New York‘s Con Ed Awards For Bad Service.   I think they went too easy on Duane Reade — zombies aren’t usually …

Hello again, gentle readers.Please accept my heartfelt apologies for leaving you without recourse to caustic complaint for so long — but I have returned, just as fond of the sound of my own voice, and …

PRELUDE
When I moved to New York, my father offered me two pieces of advice — don’t leave the cap off the toothpaste because the roaches will hop on your Crest, and don’t register to vote …

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store.I don’t like to go to the grocery store, for several reasons.First, most ofthe other shoppers assume that nobody else in the store has anything better to do than …

Well, you probably missed it.It didn’t appear in your Dayrunner’s list of bank holidays.Hallmark neglected to promote it.And while you may have inadvertently celebrated, you probably didn’t mean to.That’s right, folks.I mean National Masturbation Day.
According …

This week has progressed fairly uneventfully.I would have to say, aside from heat and humidity so thick that the miracle of evolution has begun in the primordial soup of my towel rack, that this week …

It’s like a breakup, it really is. You know it’s for the best, because the relationship doesn’t make you happy anymore, but as soon as you decide to end things? All you can think about …