The Vine: January 14, 2004
Dear Trash,
I am a writer/editor who was laid off from my job of five years just before
Christmas. I found that job, and the two before it, by answering newspaper
ads on a whim while employed. As a result, I haven’t been involved in an
actual job hunt for more than eight years. I’m not finding a lot of writing
or editing jobs to apply for, although I’m confident I’ll find something.
Which brings us to the actual question: In the absence of posted job
vacancies, what’s the best way to go about approaching companies that I’d
like to work for, even though they don’t appear to be looking for help?
Thanks for your time — I hope my question gets picked!
Words In a Row
Dear Words,
I read something a few months ago that said the largest shift in the job search since the creation of want ads has happened in the last few years, and I would have to agree. No longer is it enough to simply respond to a couple of ads out of the newspaper, or to ask your dad to get you a job at his company. What does this mean for you? Well, a couple of things.
First, you should, by all means, approach companies that haven’t posted a job that matches you. It’s a great strategy. It’s also a bit scary or intimidating to execute. The best way to get your foot in the door is to try to get a contact within the organization. Network with everyone you know, asking them if they know anyone who works there. Go to organizations and associations in your field and try to make contacts that way. Research the company to see who is mentioned in articles, who is writing their press releases, and who is writing their web site.
Once you have located a person within the organization, contact them and ask for 15 minutes of their time (and MEAN IT. Don’t go over unless they offer). If you are making a contact through someone else, a call or email from the original contact might help to smooth the way. If you are contacting them cold, telling them how you found them (and hopefully complimenting them on it in some sincere way) can open the communication. But before you contact them, make sure you are prepared with the following:
1) Know everything you can about the business. You don’t want to start things out by asking, “So, how are things going at Enron? Pretty good?” Do your research, read their web site, talk to a librarian, et cetera. Also, showing a potential employer that you are interested in not just any job, but you want to work for THIS company, will go a long way in helping you to stand out.
2) Know what you want from this person. If it’s someone in the communications or writing department, be prepared, have your résumé and examples available, and if they don’t have any jobs, say it’s fine but you would still like to talk. It might be someone who knows someone else who might be hiring. On the other hand, if it’s someone in the purchasing department, you might want to ask more questions about the corporate culture, and to see if they know someone in the actual department.
3) Be prepared to back up what you say. If you tell them you have a portfolio of work available, be prepared with it in case they ask to see it. If you can pull together specific examples of your work that would relate to the potential employer, that might also help.
And then keep at it. Send reminder emails to them after you have met, maybe including an article that you came across that you thought they would like, maybe just a note saying that you are still interested in the company. Nothing too pushy, or they will get annoyed. But a nice email that doesn’t require any action on their part and might be of interest or help to them is fine.
Good luck, and keep that positive attitude. You would be shocked at how much that will help you, and being positive will also make you more attractive to potential employers.
I’ve roomed with “Eliza” for almost two years now. We started living
together in our third year of university, and now she’s graduated and
I…well, I’ve had a lot of problems with depression, anxiety, and severe
lack of interest and have decided that school is not right for me, at
least not now.
When we moved in together, she brought her beloved, elderly cat, and she
decided she wanted to get a kitten too. I was skeptical at first, but she
convinced me, and then she set to checking ads, making phone calls, and
finally, she took a trip out to the suburbs and came back with The Kitten.
I had one moment of dread — and then Eliza put The Kitten in my arms…and
there it was. I’d never had a pet before, and I fell in love with The
Kitten.
We split her first vet checkup/shots fifty-fifty. When the time came to
spay her, my boyfriend chipped in two-thirds of the costs and we split the
rest. She got sick once last summer and my parents, bless them, bailed me
out for the vet visit that time. (It was nothing, just a bad reaction to
the heat, but when your kitty has been throwing up for two days, you want
to be sure.)
At about this time, Eliza decided she didn’t much care for The Kitten. The
Kitten was noisy (she’s half Siamese) and rambunctious and liked to chew
plants and knock things over and attack Eliza’s older cat — general kitten
pain-in-the-ass behaviour. So we decided that because I adored The Kitten
and Eliza didn’t, I would take The Kitten when we moved out.
Well, a year later, my relationship with Eliza has deteriorated pretty
badly. We really aren’t even friends any more, and I can’t even be sure
whose fault it is, and I guess it doesn’t really matter. A couple of days
ago, we decided that we’ve had enough of each other and are going to move
out.
She says she’s taking The Kitten.
She says The Kitten is hers, because she’s the one who did the research
and went and got her. I point out that I’ve been paying well over half the
vet bills since we got The Kitten. She says it was my parents and my
boyfriend who paid the vet bills, so it doesn’t count. I ask her if she’s
just doing this to hurt me, and she says that she always wanted to take
The Kitten (not true!), but that she was going to let me have The Kitten
because I was her friend. But you see, now I’m not her friend, so why
should she care about me?
I start to feel sick. Sars, I was never 100 percent sure that The Kitten was
going with me when we moved out. I thought Eliza and I would sit down and
talk it out and decide what was best for her. I never, ever thought
something like this would happen. And in my not at all humble opinion,
it’s bullshit.
But I don’t know what I can do. Eliza is bigger and stronger than me and
has family close by, whereas I don’t. Friends have suggested I smuggle The
Kitten out, leave her with a trusted friend until I can come get her and
take her home with me, but I don’t want to put her through that ordeal,
not to mention I’m afraid it could get me in trouble.
I don’t want to just let this go. But I don’t think I can talk this out
with Eliza — she basically handed the judgment down to me as something
non-negotiable, finders-keepers. And I don’t think I have the strength —
physical or mental — to go up against her on this. I will just break down
and cry.
Sars, do you know if there’s anything at all I can do here? Have I
mishandled this entire situation? How could I have avoided it?
Learned The Hard Way: Don’t Share Cats
Dear Hard Way,
As you now know, you should have agreed at the beginning on who would ultimately “own” the cat — who would take primary responsibility for her care and for the expenses, who would take her if/when the two of you didn’t live together anymore. You didn’t. Now Eliza has announced that she’s taking the cat, and you don’t want to stand up to her, so…Eliza’s taking the cat.
What did you think I’d say? You refuse to confront Eliza, and you refuse to make other, sneakier arrangements. She doesn’t have “a right” to do it, really, but you don’t seem inclined to stop her, and if you don’t take an actual action here, she’s not going to just figure out that it’s unfair and do it your way. Frankly, she’s probably going to take The Kitten no matter what you do, but you could at least ask her to discuss it — “bigger and stronger” or not, I seriously doubt she’s going to beat you up over it — and see if you can work something out.
But if you won’t, well, that’s that. Eliza gets the cat, because Eliza is willing to take decisive action to that end, and you aren’t.
To the rest of you: Do not bring a new pet into a roommate situation without making it crystal clear to all parties involved who is “on the lease” as far as the pet is concerned.
Sars —
This is a rather ridiculous question, and I have no idea if hip-hop lingo is
even something you’d be particularly familiar with, but I’m having one of
those “my friends all say I’m wrong” moments and I need clarification. What
does “crunk” mean?
My friends insist it means “really drunk,” but I’ve always thought it means
“having a good time” ever since I heard Mary J. Blige use it in “Family
Affair” (i.e., “let’s get it crunk, come on have fun”). The rap dictionary
at rapdict.org seems to agree with me, as they define it as follows:
crunk
1) (adj) Hype, phat. “Tonight is going to be crunk” — ??.
2) (adv) To get crunk: to have a good time. “Long as everybody get crunk in
the drop” — Lil Bow Wow (Bounce with me [2000]).
But they didn’t buy that. Is there a higher authority on the matter?
Sincerely,
Slightly drunk, but not crunk!
Dear Crunk,
Urban Dictionary says it’s both — that the two definitions kind of go together. It’s more synonymous with “crazy” than with “drunk,” in the sense that a party could get crazy, but you could also get crazy on vodka at said party.
Dear Sars,
I’ve been dating R for about a month and a half now. This is my first time
being in a relationship that’s lasted longer than two weeks, with a guy
who’s NOT a giant tool or a manipulative bastard. (I’m 20, by the way.) I’m
crazy about R and until recently I’ve been extremely happy with the way
things have been going.
However, a few nights ago the shit hit the fan. A female friend of R’s
(we’ll call her “Skankmaster K”) — a girl I’ve always felt a little threatened
by and jealous of because she spends more time with him than I do — told
some of our mutual friends that she and R have been cheating on me since
Halloween. Supposedly they hadn’t slept together, only made out a few times,
but cheating is cheating, right?
I was absolutely devastated to hear this. I thought that R was just as crazy
about me as I am about him, and although he IS kind of a flirt and DOES have
a lot of lady friends, almost everyone I know says he would never do such a
thing to me.
After a crazy night of soap-opera dramatics, I finally talked (well, sobbed)
to R. He told me that what Skankmaster K was saying wasn’t true, that he
wasn’t cheating on me and never will. He said that being with me has made
him the happiest he’s been in a long time, and he wouldn’t do anything to
screw it up. By almost all accounts, R is a stand-up guy and most of the
people I’ve talked to have a hard time believing that the cheating story is
true. So then why is Skankmaster K saying these things?
I really want to believe him, Sars, and part of me does. But I have some
trust issues when it comes to guys, as I was lied to about the same sort of
thing in the past and was really hurt by it. I’m a little bit messed up when
it comes to the menfolk, so this situation has been pretty stressful for me.
Anyway, I’ve decided to keep seeing R despite my misgivings, and I’m hoping
everything will blow over soon so we can get on with our lives and go back
to being happy.
R still hasn’t seen or talked to Skankmaster K about why she’s been telling
these lies, so I have no clue as to what her motives were in spreading her
little story. Maybe she wants R for herself and is trying to break us up.
Maybe she wasn’t lying at all and is out to cause trouble. Either way, I’m
so not comfortable with R and K hanging out together like they used to
before all this happened.
So my questions for you are: do I have any right whatsoever to ask R not to
see Skankmaster K anymore, despite the fact that she’s always hanging out
with a group of girls R is friends with (and with whom I have no problem)? I
really don’t want to be That Kind of Girlfriend — the kind who tries to
control who her boyfriend gets to see. Also, should I talk to Skankmaster K
myself and tell her to back the hell off and stay away from my man, Jerry
Springer-style? (Which would be scary, because I’m not the confrontational
type.) Or should I just suck it up and suffer in silence? Clearly, I’m not
the most secure gal in the world, and that last option would eat away at me
pretty harshly.
Please Sars, can you help me out?
Ho, you stay the HELL away from my man, or I’m-a bitchslap yo ass!
Dear Bitchslap,
You don’t mention R’s reaction towards Skankmaster K. You say that he denied cheating on you, and that he reassured you about his feelings. How did he feel about Skankmaster K lying and putting him in that position? Did he get pissed off? Did he say he’d ream her?
It might not mean anything one way or the other, but in R’s position, I know I’d have a few choice things to say about my ex, his mental stability, his momma…maybe R is just extraordinarily tolerant, but it seems to me like he should voluntarily decide not to hang out with Skankmaster K anymore, because she’s a liar and a shit-stirrer and it’s not worth the aggro.
So, here’s the actual advice. Leave it alone for now; stand back and see how he handles it. If he still wants to spend time with her, I think it means one of two things: he did cheat on you with her; or he doesn’t care that a so-called friend of his lied and made you feel like shit as a result. Either way, you don’t need that shit, and you should say so — he’s making a choice, he’s not choosing you, message received, goodbye.
I mean, the relationship is six weeks old and already the drama is off the charts. If Skankmaster K wants him that badly, maybe you should just hand him off.
Dear Sars,
I have two non life-threatening questions that perhaps you could answer for me. Maybe on a slow day at The Vine? If that ever happens.
My first issue is that I find it near impossible to wake up in the morning. I have two alarm clocks and a mom trying to wake me up every day, but this is pointless. I sleep through my alarm clocks morning after morning — I suppose I turn them off in my sleep. I’ve tried varying the times a little and moving the alarm clocks around in my room and cranking up the volume and everything. This is starting to become a problem because a few times I’ve been late to my Saturday-morning babysitting jobs because of my deep sleeping, and late is never good. I’m eighteen and I get five to seven hours of sleep a night, if that means anything. The thought of having to wake up on my own at college next fall is scary. Have you got any waking-up advice for me?
My other question is of the grammar sort. It really bothers me when people say, “She’s a friend of Maria’s.” Isn’t that “of” and apostrophe-“s” construction redundant? Or am I being a snob about this?
Thanks so much, Sars.
Love,
I Really Shouldn’t Live In Texas Because So Many People Speak Incorrectly Here. Arrgh.
Dear Don’t Move To Jersey, You’ll Go Bazoo,
You need more sleep. “But I have all these things to –” Yeah, yeah, but — no. You need more sleep. You’ve tried getting by on five to seven hours a night, but it clearly isn’t working, so it’s time to rearrange your schedule to allow more time for rest. Cut out caffeine after lunchtime, or completely; budget your time so everything’s done and you can get to bed at a reasonable hour. If you drink, stop for a while. Start getting seven to nine hours a night, and see what happens. Maybe you just have a tough time getting up, but I think it’s because you’re just tired.
On to the grammar question. The double genitive gets picked on a lot, but it’s not incorrect, although, as Garner points out, sometimes “it can be improved on.” In other words, if you find it bothersome, just flip the construction — here, to “she’s Maria’s friend” — but it’s not wrong.
Tags: boys (and girls) cats grammar roommates workplace
