The Vine: June 2, 2000
Dear Sarah,I’ve written to you before about my friend, the one who had been using both myself and the other member of our trio to take up time before her boyfriend was available.
Well, it’s been nearly four months, and the situation has deteriorated rapidly. It’s obvious to us that she doesn’t care for him much, and he doesn’t like us at all. She invites us over to his house quite often, but only when they are alone. And when we aren’t able or don’t want to come and see her while they’re alone, she drinks. Interestingly enough, their alone time has increased as the length of their relationship has increased. Hence, she’s been drinking almost every day for nearly a month.
I worry about her, but she doesn’t listen to a word I have to say. She dominates the conversation with her complaints about her boyfriend, but when I try to offer an opinion, she cuts me off almost immediately. I don’t know what to do here. I want to be her friend and help her, but as long as she’s in this “relationship” I don’t see how I can. Besides which, her boyfriend really doesn’t like me, for reasons I do not know. I’ve tried to be nice to him, I’ve never said or done anything that would insult him in any way.
What do I do? Save the friendship? Jump ship and watch her drown in whiskey?
Signed,
The Ever-Confused Miss M
Dear Miss M,
Sit your friend down. Tell her you’ve got something to say, and you don’t want her to interrupt because you’ll only say it once. Tell her you resent getting used as a placeholder for her boyfriend when he’s not around, and that you’ve grown tired of hearing the same complaints over and over again when it’s obvious that she doesn’t intend to do anything to change the situation. Tell her that the drinking worries you, and that you think she needs therapy, for both her self-medicating and her apparent inability to take charge of her life, because she has problems too big for you to solve.
She’s clearly unhappy, your friend, and I suppose I should feel sorrier for her, but she’s just as clearly unwilling to take charge of her life on her own. Telling her the unvarnished truth about her behavior might snap her out of it, but if it doesn’t, distance yourself. She’s an attention suck, and you can’t help her.
Tags: friendships
