The Vine: June 25, 2008
Dear Sars,
I’m hoping you can give me a bit of advice regarding a difficult situation at work. I was placed in my current job through a temp agency last summer, and it has mostly worked out just fine. It isn’t perfect, and the pay isn’t fantastic, but I like the hours, the work itself is easy, and it allows me to be at work when I’m at work and forget about it when I’m not at work and living the other 75% of my life. Not to mention that it is an extremely casual, low-stress work environment, which I love. I also work alone and have full run of my shift and don’t have to deal with the practices of any annoying customers or co-workers. In person, anyway.
However, my supervisor (who works the shift opposite me) has gotten into the habit of calling me from home, on the company line, while I’m at work (she hasn’t started calling me at home yet, thank God), to engage in conversations with me that last about an hour and a half on average, though the longest one we’ve had was around three hours long. And when I use the term “conversation,” I am using it loosely. Ninety-nine percent of our “conversations” consist of her screechy, loud, whiny voice telling me about such things as: her medical problems, her children, personal problems she has with our coworkers, her ex-husband, her views on religion, near-death experiences, men, past legal battles she’s been engaged in and so on. The other one percent of our conversations are me offering the occasional exasperated “mm hmm” or “yeah” when she pauses to ask if I’m listening every twenty minutes or so. She has related the same stories to me multiple times. When there’s an appropriate break in her repetitive yammering, I’ll offer something like, “yes, you’ve told me about that before,” but to seemingly no effect. As much as I hate it, this woman appears to love the sound of her own voice.
It is extremely frustrating, and not something that I want to listen to. The problem is that she’ll call on Friday nights or weekends when she knows there isn’t much going on, and I can’t exactly tell her that she’s interrupting my work, because she generally isn’t. There are long stretches of time when I have nothing to do other than read TWoP recaps and look at shoes online. I am in fact writing to you from work right now. She interrupted me earlier tonight while I was balancing my checkbook.
I don’t necessarily dislike her, but it drives me nuts to have to sit there and let the blood drain from my arm while I hold the phone receiver up to my head as she vents into my hostage ear. I have considered going to our boss (also our HR manager) to complain, but he isn’t so great at handling complaints from his employees, when he actually does bother to handle them, and she would be sure to find out I complained about her which I imagine would just lead to her being hurt and making things more difficult for me at work. Not to mention that it seems like sort of dick move on my part, when I should really just find some way to tell her to knock it off myself.
So what can I do, Sars? As I said, I don’t dislike the woman, and I suspect she’s probably just lonely and wants someone to talk to about all of the shit in her life who won’t charge as much as a shrink. But why does that person have to be me? Is there a nice way to let her know that I can’t stand it when she calls me at work about non-work related things? Should I just put up with it since it occurs during work hours anyway and it isn’t really interfering with my job duties? I would greatly appreciate any advice you have to offer.
Maybe I’ll just pretend that an unfortunate iPod incident has left me deaf the next time I see her
Dear Deaf,
It occurs during work hours, but it isn’t work-related; yes, she’s your supervisor, but she’s not supervising you on these calls, so you’re not under any obligation to let them drag on.
Every work environment I’ve been in in the last ten years has caller ID; if yours has it too, start screening, and if she leaves you a message asking you to call back, do so.Ask if she’s calling on work business.When it’s clear she’s not, tell her you have to go, and end the call.Don’t explain why.”Something going on on the other shift I need to know about?…No?Great!Talk to you later!”End call.
If you can’t screen, you can still use this strategy.”Sorry, Supe, I can’t talk right now.”Don’t explain why.End call.”I’m sorry, I’ve gotta run.”To do what?Not her problem.End call.As far as she knows, you have work to do, or a spastic colon, but the point is, she doesn’t need to know why you can’t talk.”Take care!”End call.
She may press the point, at which time you can tell her you don’t feel comfortable spending that much paid work time on personal calls, and it’s certainly a strategy you can try up front: “Supe, much as I like talking to you, I don’t think I should be drawing a paycheck for chatting, so…I’m going to have to go.”At least that way you’ve made it about work, and you can plausibly report it to the HR manager if she gets testy about it.
But if it’s not about the job?End call.
Hi Sars,
My husband’s mother is ill with a disease that is resulting in a very slow but sure decline.Many years ago, she bought into a timeshare program that gives you a certain number of points each year to use for travel.It was a major investment, which is now paid for and just requires annual fees.
My husband and I, as well as his brother and brother’s wife, have all had the opportunity to make use of these points over the years, shared with Mom.Now Mom is unable to travel anymore, so we continue to share and take turns, but she continues to administer them as primary owner.
In her will, she wants to name the guys as co-owners, and leave enough money to cover the fees for several years.After that, we would be responsible to pay the fees ourselves.Simple, eh?Not so much.My husband and his brother are not close.Not geographically and not emotionally.Brother is a judgmental, condescending, rude, insulting jerk who is also a complete idiot with money.He is in a profession that is not high-paying and this is the only way he can take vacations.
Mom’s plan was that after the fee money ran out, my husband and I would essentially pay the annual fees.Brother could lease out the points he was not using and put the money towards his share…but it would be up to my husband to do all that work because brother is “not good with math and money” (Mom’s words).
We do not want this arrangement.We want to split the points down the middle; we are responsible for our share, he for his.We don’t trust him, don’t trust that he wouldn’t a) use them all for himself without paying anything for fees, or b) sell them out from under us.As a co-owner, he could ostensibly do that.
Mom thinks that Brother walks on water, and that we are being uncharitable.She does not know the half of the behaviour he has displayed to us over the years (repeatedly asking how much money we make, how much we give to charity, and when we refuse to answer essentially calling us shallow and materialistic, and that’s just for starters).My husband wants to come clean and tell her the things that Brother has done over the past number of years, including insulting me, that they have no relationship beyond when the family comes together and that he wants nothing to do with him as far as any monetary arrangement goes.
We are both torn, though.Logically, it makes sense to do it.But part of me thinks this will break her heart.I don’t think she has much time left, so it’s urgent that this get worked out.But I hate to think of her coming to the end of her life knowing her sons will likely have no relationship ever again, as she is the only link.
What do we do, Sars?Things like this can sunder the closest of families if they aren’t treated as business arrangements where people’s interests are protected.But she doesn’t see it that way and has this rose-coloured view of how it should be.To tell, or not to tell, that is the question.
It Was A Dysfunctional Family Christmas
Dear Dys,
They’re Mom’s points; it’s Mom’s will.Past a certain point, there’s only so much you can do to influence the decision, so you and your husband have to decide what’s more important to you: letting Mom believe her sons get along during the twilight of her life; or never having to deal with Brother again once she’s gone.
You can have both, though, by just declining to worry about/deal with it until the time comes.I know it’s stressing you both out, but here’s the thing: your husband and his brother aren’t close, and most likely won’t have much to do with one another once their mother is gone.If this were me and my brother, who have a good relationship, I would be extremely concerned that the will spell everything out in pitiless detail so that we wouldn’t wind up fighting over bullshit, but your husband doesn’t want to deal with Brother going forward anyway, so…who cares if there are hard feelings, basically.
The entire set-up sounds like a pain in the ass, one which I don’t get the sense you and your husband rely on, so the most sensible thing to do is probably to wait and see what the will actually says regarding the program, and then get a probate attorney who can advise you on how to get out of it.Again, if the relationship with Brother were one your husband wanted to preserve, I’d advise more care with the lead-up, but I’m sure once the time comes your husband can wriggle out of having to administer his sibling’s vacation-welfare plan.Brother may hate him for it, but it sounds like this is a desired result.
Don’t worry about this yet.
Dear Sars,
I have a writing-related question. A few months ago, I took a job as a personal assistant. A few months later, my boss, who I was assisting, decided he didn’t need an assistant anymore, and my job would become one more about writing and editing various publications he wanted to put out there. With a BA in English, an MA in Linguistics, and about four years of editing and writing experience under my belt, I was thrilled I’d be doing something more in line with my education.
Recently, he wrote a document he wants to publish as a small booklet. He wrote about six pages, then gave it to me for editing. He also wanted to expand some areas to improve understanding. The document is heavy in pedagogical theory and research.
My boss is a terrible writer. He knows this. So when I first looked at the document, not only did it need serious editing, but it needed way more content to fully explain what he was talking about. He jumped into theories about learning, assuming his audience already was familiar with these theories, which they are not. After going through, I wrote enough to more than double the length of the original text. It reads clearly, concisely, and explains these complex theories rather simply. In order to do this, I had to research the theories and understand them in order to even write about them. He complimented me on the work and said I did a great job.
I asked him if I could get an editing credit for the work. He said yes. He gave the me document with some additional changes, which I made, and then I added my name saying Edited by…
Today, he said that he noticed where I “graffitied” my name on there, and we had a talk. He said he didn’t want to feel like he’s obligated to list my name as an editor, because it’s his work and I already got paid. He says he’ll give me an editing credit, but he’s doing it because he’s a nice guy, not because he feels obligated.
As this never started out as a writing and editing job, there was no discussion about how work would be credited. In the future, he plans on having me follow him around, write about his profession and what he does, because he’s good at it, and sell the articles to other people in the profession. These will be published under his name, even though I wrote them.
As a professional writer, how is credit assigned for these types of works. He believes that, because I am employed by the company, my paycheck is enough. My background is in journalism, where giving credit to the original writer and building clips is important. But now I’m thinking he might have a point, and as an employee here, I don’t necessarily deserve editing credits. None of this was addressed before now because it never started out as a writing job.
Still, this bothers me for two reasons. One, he’s passing off work that is so vastly different from what he did and what he can do that I feel ripped off. Almost nothing is the same from the original, as nearly every sentence had to be restructured. Second, he doesn’t pay me even close to what someone with my degrees would normally earn. (My fault for taking the job in the first place, but I was getting desperate for a job. When I asked what the pay was, I was told over the phone “twenty eight hundred.” I assumed this was $2,800 a month. It was $20,800 a year. I didn’t realize this until I had already said yes to the job and signed all the paperwork. My bad.)
A plus is that it’s a family-owned business with lots of flexibility. However, as a family-run business, cash flow is an issue and sometimes the paychecks bounce. I want to make sure that I’m not confusing the issue of an editing credit with the paycheck/pay-scale one. I want to be able to explain to my boss why I feel I deserve an editing credit. I guess my question is, do I?
Non-credited
Let me understand: you signed paperwork without reading it.Is that right?Didn’t check it at all, didn’t look at the figures?And when you realized the salary was a third less than what you’d assumed, you didn’t bring this to anyone’s attention.And you don’t get the salary sometimes because they bounce your paycheck.And it’s…the editing credit you’re worried about.
Ask your boss for the editing credit and a raise that reflects your abilities.If you don’t get both, quit on the spot.Before you do either of these things, though, you should read your contract to see how much notice you have to give and so on and so forth.I do feel that your boss should own the work you produce for him, but that means owning the rights, not the byline; it’s scuzzy of him to let you redact everything he says into readable form and not allow your name anywhere on it.
But it’s not surprising, because you took a subsistence wage without reading the paperwork or speaking up for yourself.He probably thinks he could ask you to wipe his ass for him and you’d do it, and I can’t disagree.I know it’s a bad economy, but it’s not like you can afford jack on the salary you get anyway (…when you get it at all), so it’s time to go.Next time, clarify the job description and the salary before you agree to take the job verbally, much less signing anything.This is not about your boss taking credit; it’s about you not giving yourself any.This is ridiculous.End it.
Tags: etiquette the fam workplace
In that last letter, I was waiting for the bits about “I usually buy him lunch because he doesn’t usually have cash”, and “sometimes he brings his dry-cleaning to the office and I take it for him because there’s a dry-cleaner closer to my place and it’s more convenient”, and “the office has a lot of, uh, protrusions, and uh, sometimes I hit my head on them, uh, sometimes it’s pretty bad and I get black eyes a lot”
For Dys:
Actually, the way to work this is to work with what the mother already knows. The more new information you bring into the situation the more she will shut it down and the less you will accomplish. Simplify. Agree with the mother that the brother is “bad with math and money.” Then explain to her that you and your husband do not have the extra cash flow to cover the whole expense if an emergancy comes up and the brother cannot cover his half. Explain to her that what you need is for her to put in writing the conditions where the brother in responsible for his half in order to protect your husband and you from any potential liability. Or suggest that it may be simpler for all involved to sell the time share and split the money. Don’t bring up anything outside of the time share and don’t blame any of it on the brother–keep it within the realm of what you want, which is an economically safe way to enjoy this time share.
The only circumstances under which Dysfunctional (or her husband, more properly) should discuss this with mom is if mom is very sophisticated and is setting up some kind of trust to receive her time-share and thereby impose her will on how the points are handled after she dies. If she’s just leaving the time-share (or whatever you want to call it) to her sons in her will and expressing a desire for how it be handled, I agree that Dys should just wait until it’s an issue. At worst, refusing to honor her wishes will cause more bad blood with brother after she dies — but you won’t have added to her stress while she’s still alive.
(And be sure to consult with a lawyer when she dies — there may be a way to arrange the paperwork so that the brother can’t sell his half out from under you and leave you sharing with a stranger.)
Non-credited… You deserve more money, period.
I don’t know where you’re from, but I’m in Oklahoma and only a lowly Library Tech and I make more than you. And I don’t have any formal training or schooling.
Demand more money AND demand credit for what you do. You deserve it!
I have a similar situation to Non, except my boss isn’t such a jerk. But he is a self-admitted awful writer. He writes the bones, then I rewrite and elaborate and make it better. He completely acknowleges my contributions to the point where he wants to list me as an author. Here’s where Non and I differ. I refused this. Most of what we publish is in medical journals, and I am not an MD. I feel like it looks forced, like a boss who just wants to give his assistant something. Instead, I put a mention in the acknowlegements for “significant editorial assistance in the writing and preparation of the manuscript.”
So, you have a B.A. and an M.A. as well as four years writing experience and you’re working for $20,800? That’s insane. I would quit this position immediately, because it doesn’t sound like anything is going to change and contact your local university or community college and seek a position as a teacher or administrative assistant.
In a previous life I did PR for various companies, and as part of my job I wrote articles that were bylined by all sorts of people, with no credit to me. In situations like that, it’s not unusual for the actual writer to get no credit–I was not an expert in those fields, so nobody really cared what I had to say. My clients had the credibility, so they got the byline. This is pretty common in the PR field.
When it was time for me to leave that position, I still used the articles in my portfolio, and subsequent interviewers and employers understood the arrangement.
That said, this guy sounds like a real jackass. I agree, the credit is the least of your problems.
Sars, as someone who lost my mother and then had to go through incredible difficulty because her estate was not carefully planned, I have to disagree with your advice to Dys. Dys, if your mom really is expecting you to administer the vacation plan and do the paperwork, just ask her to leave it to you solely and promise her you’ll make sure Brother gets to take vacations. If you don’t want to ruin her rosy view, just make it about being straightforward in the administration. Even if you really loved your brother, this arrangement would be a nightmare. If her decline has been long and you as a family talk about her estate planning, please, please, PLEASE for your own sanity encourage her to do the more straightforward thing (like leave the vacation plan outright to you, and something else outright to Brother, rather than splitting items down the middle).
To Dys: Maybe you can find a way to preserve your mother in law’s feelings and avoid a nightmare situation by pointing out what Sars says –even with siblings who are close, it’s good to have everything very clearly legally documented to avoid confusion or arguments in the future.
To Non-credited: It’s amazing how much a bad economy and some human self doubt can create a bad situation. It sounds like you did an amazing job with that first piece –he needs you more than you need him. Good workers are damn hard to find. There’s a good chance that if you stand your ground, he’ll buckle like a …um thing that buckles easily. And if not–take a second look at positions that are out there. There are companies that appreciate their employees appropriately–you could be working for one of them instead. Good luck!
Non-credited:
Life lesson here: You can’t respect someone who kisses your ass, you just can’t.
Our work does not have caller id (ancient phones). Do you have speaker phones? I just imagine saying, “Hold on, I’m putting you on speaker” and then crank down the volume and let her ramble, occassionally grunting in response.
Or, if she calls, you can dominate the conversation. Talk over her if you have to and ramble about your lunch, the weather, you commute, etc. If she only likes to listen to herself, she’ll get tired of listening to you.
But really, the grownup thing would be to curtain the calls. It seems like if you cut her off at the pass a couple times, as suggested, you may train her into realizing that calling you isn’t fun now. If she launches into a story, maybe cut her off with a, “That’s too bad, I really have to go, catch you later. Bye” and hang up. Seems rude, but you did say goodbye, right?
Wow, what a trio of letters today. My blood pressure shot up just reading them. It’s so sad there are so many a-holes in the world.
To Deaf: I’ve been there. Unfortunately the only thing to do is what Sars said. It sucks, but at some point, no matter what, you’re just going to have to put your foot down. You can fake a bladder infection that requires bathroom visits every 10 minutes, you can fake a call on another line, etc. But at some point, she’s going to need that wake-up call (pun def. intended) that her phone calls are unwanted. It sucks, but man up! Do it!
And to Non-credit: Get a job paying what you’re worth! There are so many reasons to not stay at that job! You’re better than that! Man up! Do it!
Wow – that last letter is a joke, right? Please tell me it’s a joke? No? Okey dokey. The editing credit and attendant agita is the LEAST of that writer’s problems. With the credentials Non claims to have, there has got to be a job, ANY job out there that pays more than 20K. Filing pays more than that.
On the last letter, I totally agree — it’s not about editing credits, it’s about finding a job where you’re treated like a professional. It sounds like the letter writer has a bad relationship with the boss on every level.
I work in the nonprofit world, writing grants, reports to funders, reports to our board, newsletter articles, etc… and it’s rare for my name to be listed anywhere near most of what I help write; it’s all a collaborative process, and usually unless you’re the director, your name doesn’t wind up on the product. But this is the nature of the profession I’m in — I don’t sweat it. At work, I’m respected, well compensated, and appreciated for my writing abilities regardless of the “credit” — and any future employer is going to glean that from my resume, cover letter and references.
Yes, clips/publications are important if you’re a journalist, academic or freelancer… but ultimately, as a writer in any field, producing good writing is really what counts. Sounds like the letter writer needs to come to terms with this, and to find a better job.
“Non-credited” is just the weirdest letter, because…there are, like, FOUR MILLION reasons not to have that job or work for that dude, but the editing credit is…one of the more ambiguous. Furthermore, while you are totally being taken advantage of at work, you also really seriously need to start looking after yourself better. Not asking what “twenty eight hundred” means when somebody cites that as a salary is hard for me to believe, and if you don’t stop doing that kind of non-boat-rocking, things like this will keep happening to you.
But! While I agree that credit is nice, you don’t really need an “edited by” credit, which…frankly, I’ve hardly ever seen. Really, what you’re doing is co-writing these pieces with your boss, so really, the proper credit would be “By [Your Boss] and [You].” Clearly, your boss isn’t going to do this.
If it were just editing — improving unreadable work to make it readable — I’d frankly tell you that editors who do that are usually not credited, and that’s what editing means, and if you edit, that’s your life, so…que sera sera. (I say this both as someone who has edited and someone who has had my work vastly improved by good editors who have received no credit.) But the thing is, you’re doubling the length of the piece, and you’re contributing to the research, and that shouldn’t really go without acknowledgment.
The kind of arrangement your boss wants, which amounts to having a ghostwriter, isn’t inherently unethical, and there are plenty of people who use writers like that. But not everybody wants that deal, and you certainly don’t slide from “personal assistant” to “ghostwriter” without discussing your job and your salary. It’s like hiring a personal assistant and then being like, “Oh, okay, instead of a personal assistant, now I’d like you to be my doctor.” It’s a different job; you gotta renegotiate. Possibly with a new employer.
Deaf:
If your work has multiple phone lines, here’s what I suggest: when the supervisor calls and is yammering away, call your work from your cell phone. Where I work, at least, the ringing of the other line is audible to whoever you are talking to. “Oh, Supervisor! The other line is ringing! Gotta go!” *click*
@Sarah said “it’s not about editing credits, it’s about finding a job where you’re treated like a professional.” I agree, but would add that it’s also about showing up to said job *acting* like a professional. That includes, as Sars points out, carefully reading the paperwork and getting all the clarification you need to feel comfortable and informed with respect to salary, benefits, job description, etc. before accepting the job. Professionals do not expect someone else to watch out for their best interests in the work arena – they guard their own interests carefully and act as their own best advocate. Honk your own horn.
And while you’re at it, take the time to read the next apartment lease/credit card app/warranty/etc. you enter into. Really.
Tell Mom that since Brother has less money and other opportunities for vacations, she should leave the time share to him in full. Forget about it. Go on your own vacations. That way, what Brother does with the timeshare in the future doesn’t have to be any of your business, either.
Really, this is not worth worrying about, and you might as well excise it from your lives altogether.
NonCredited – forgive me for being blunt, but I’m an executive assistant working on getting an associate’s degree, and I make more than twice what you do! You can make more money doing temp assignments than working for this “family-owned” business! And there’s no excuse for “checks bouncing.” Either you can pay your employees or you can’t. If you can’t, you should have employees!
As Sars said, if you have a contract, get it out and read it closely ASAP. Also, do yourself a favor and look up the employment laws for your state. Feel free to drop me a line if you like (salsamivida@yahoo.com) – I’m not a lawyer (yet!) and I won’t give you legal advice, but I can help you locate the laws for your state and figure out what may apply.
And start looking elsewhere! I don’t know anyone who would settle for $20k a year!
Okay, I meant “shouldn’t have employees.” Sorry. Got a bit worked up there. I hate seeing people get cheated.
To Non-Credited:
Check your local labor laws, because in NY, at least in 2004, it was illegal for an employer to bounce a paycheck. It might have been updated since then but it gave me a leg to stand on when I was having similar problems. I’m not saying sue the guy, I would just toss it casually into the conversation about your salary negotiation for your new role.
Given the history, he’ll probably get blustery and be an a-hole and you’ll wind up quitting anyway, but at least you’ll have stood up for yourself and gotten your point across.
To Non-Credited:
Linda, above, is right–editors can do enormous amounts of work to a manuscript and never see their names anywhere. That’s just the way it works. Editing isn’t just about adding commas and fixing grammar–I’d say a non-fiction book is maybe only two-thirds finished (sometimes much less) by the time I receive a “final” draft from an author. After that point I’m adding new material, removing old material, rewriting, reorganizing, you name it–and among my coworkers I’m known as having a relatively “light” hand. Some publishing houses will put “edited by” on the CIP page, but that’s about it as far as credit goes. If you want to be a professional editor, it’s important to accept that at the beginning.
Unfortunately, if Non-Credited is under contract, he/she is probably an independent contractor, not an employee, and most employment laws/protections will not apply. It falls under contract law then. Do they withhold payroll taxes on you?
That said, he has probably violated the contract by bouncing checks (which is illegal, period-its just rarely prosecuted unless there’s a huge number or amount). You may be able to get out of it that way.
Hey all,
I’m Dys….all the advice is really good. As it happened, we approached mom with the “it just makes good business sense to lay it out, regardless of the fact that it’s family” argument without getting into brother’s issues (beyond those she already knew). In the end, we succeeded in convincing her to split the points down the middle – he has his, we have ours. The lawyers for the T/S helped her work that out, so I guess it’s possible. Peace reigns; everyone is happy, especially mom. In the meantime, she remains in fairly stable health for the moment, which is nice. Thank you all for your input and wise counsel as always!!
I cannot disagree more with the advise to Dys. DO NOT under any circumstance assume that you can leave this until later. On top of other things, a very close friend of mine’s previously tight-knit family was torn apart by a will in which joint control was left to the siblings. Probate attorneys can be expensive, and even if you don’t care much about the actual vacation share, you’re locking yourself into a lot of legal obligations in probate that will cost you time and money when you’re also going to be grieving. Your mother in law is talking about a plan that gives your husband a lot of responsibility; you have to know what those responsibilities are, and to what extent you will be liable for your brother in law’s share if he doesn’t come through.
One thing your mother in law is concerned about was one of my grandmother’s worries; that is, she is afraid that her sons will lose track of each other when she is not there to hold the family together. It may help to make it very clear that this set up will likely cause greater rifts; “Stormy’s” suggestions might be useful in this regard. That said, you should be careful not to exert any undue influence on your mother in law about her decision. It’s her decision to make, you just need to make sure that she has the full information to take to her own lawyer.
To Dys,
In line with what SorchaRei said: Either tell MIL that Brother should get the whole thing, or, after her death, refuse it.
Just because someone leaves you something in their will, does not mean you have to accept it.
Talk to a lawyer.
Dys,
Yay for you!
Deaf,
What Sars said. And: do you have trouble saying No to people? You didn’t mention that you were afraid for your job if you didn’t listen to her, so why the heck are you?
Uncredited,
I once quit a fairly high-paying job in a small firm, and when I gave notice I told my boss I’d be willing to stay on for six months as a consultant to train my replacement. Then I quoted an hourly rate that worked out to nearly double what I was making. My boss did the math, and said “What makes you think you’re worth it?” I said “I think the important question you should be asking is, am I worth it to YOU?” I knew the answer already, and so did he. He paid me, and I wondered why I hadn’t done it sooner.
My point? Employment isn’t a one-way deal where somebody tells you what you are going to be earning, it’s a negotiation. Of course, you have to be prepared to walk if you don’t get your terms, but seriously – could you do WORSE?
To Deaf: Does she actually argue if you try to take a non-specific way out? “Hey, always good to hear from you, sorry to hear about that thing you said, gotta run!” If so, she’s the one with the problem, and that problem is that sooner or later someone’s going to tell her “Let me off the damn phone, I have to take a dump.” In general, I’d say that unless you’re really abusing the escape clause privilege, like cutting her off the second you realize it’s her or something, it’s absolutely reasonable for you to head her off at the pass, and even to hang up before she’s finished arguing about whether you really have to go or not.
Deaf,
Still what Sars said. However, I had a wicked idea that kind of tickled my fancy. Next time your boss calls, you could try doing the same thing to her that she does to you. The second you hear her voice, before she has a chance to wind up and start talking non-stop, say “I’m so glad you called! I want to get your advice about something.” Then start adlibbing some really complicated over-the-top story full of incredibly boring details. Is she a cat person? If not, talk about your cat if you have one. When she tries to interrupt you to start telling you HER story for the umpteenth time – and she WILL try to interrupt you because she has absolutely no interest in you except as a receptacle (think Portnoy’s Complaint – you’re the liver) – then just interrupt her back immediately and continue your story. If she can’t drag the conversation back to herself, you will find that she cuts the phone call short. Do this every time she calls! She won’t have a leg to stand on because even an insensitive clod like her will recognize that turnabout is fair play and you’re entitled to talk about yourself occasionally. No, she won’t sit still and actually listen, because she really doesn’t care what you have to say…but she won’t dare call you out on it – and she won’t realize you’re doing it on purpose.
“think Portnoy’s Complaint – you’re the liver”
Fired!
Hi everyone, Deaf here. Thanks for the great advice, Sars et al. I have fortunately found a new position with a new company since writing that letter and thankfully I haven’t heard from my old supervisor since. The cell phone trick Another Sarah mentioned sounds like it would be a really great suggestion for any sane, normal person you wanted to find an escape from, but there were several occasions when the other line would ring while I was on the phone with the supe, and so I would hang-up to attend to that actual business-related call, but she would just phone me back 5 minutes later. There were also times when I just wouldn’t pick up (we did have caller ID) hoping she would think I had explosive diarrhea or something and not call again after two tries, but to no avail. The main problem with my old job was that it was in the guard shack of a factory, and I wasn’t allowed to leave for more than 15 minutes at a time. And so my main fear was that if I kept not answering, she would think I was skipping out of work and get me in trouble with our boss. And so fear for my job was part of it, but I do have trouble saying no to people as well, as Serendipity suggested. Sars’ suggestion to tell her that I wasn’t comfortable making personal phone calls at work probably would have been my best bet since she was already under the impression that I was a bit of a goody-two-shoes, but then live and learn and so on blah blah blah retrospect fishcakes.
Deaf and Dys both responded in the comments! Where the heck is Non-credited? Hopefully off somewhere growing a backbone.
@Serendipity, Word! I wish I had known how to negotiate better when I entered the private sector. After working for the federal government for most of my career, I didn’t really get the idea of, you know, asking for more than I was offered. (The federal pay scales are set by schedule, so you get the schedule rate – no negotiation is possible.) Several years later, and after learning that I was majorly hosed by two former employers (who I let underpay me by at least 20-30% of what I should have been making), I’m at a job where I’m paid what I’m worth, and where my bosses respect me.
Non-Credited, ask for what you’re worth, and if you don’t get it, leave. Your boss is never going to do right by you, and you’ll be miserable if you let him keep screwing you on your compensation. (I would have walked after a paycheck bounced; that’s a deadly sign.)