Dearest Sars,

I tried to pare it down as much as possible, but this doesn’t just involve one boy, it involves two.And they’re twins.

A couple of weeks ago, I went out with B, a guy I know from church.It was a very weird date, because it was a double date with his twin brother (E) and my friend H.Well, that part’s not strange, but how the whole thing came together is.A week before, the four of us left a mutual friend’s birthday party.As we left, H and I headed towards our cars and the Boys headed towards theirs, and B (the slightly cuter one) called out, “Hey, we should take you girls to dinner sometime!””Sure!” we replied, laughing on our cell phones later that we’d be surprised if they actually call us.We took dibs then, saying that I’d take B (he seemed more interested in me) and H would take E (by default, she wasn’t super-interested in either one).

The next day, E approached me at church and asked if Saturday would be a good day.Sure.Then E called me on Thursday night to solidify the plans.Yes, Saturday’s still on.(I was surprised at this point that B wasn’t the one who called or set the thing up, and also surprised when H and I discovered E had called her too.)

The date wasn’t romantic, by any stretch of the imagination, but the four of us had a good time.H pointed out that she thought it was a little puzzling that E was flirting with me as much as B was, which I noticed but was trying not to talk about it, since H was on the short end of the flirting there. (For the record, a double date is traditionally NOT defined as the two of them dating one girl, or the two of them going out with the two of us.It’s usually two couples who go to the same restaurant or movie or whatever.We’re in our mid-20s.Someone should have told them that by now.)

H told me later that since she wasn’t particularly interested in either of them, it was especially amusing to her that they were both spending so much time talking directly to me, randomly touching me, or putting an arm around me.Which would be fine, even great, if it was a one-on-one date, but to have both the twins doing this in the same evening, in full view of each other?It was like a Doublemint gum commercial, except stranger.The evening ended with a “we should do this again sometime” agreement all around.

At our Movie Club the next Friday, they came in and sat on the floor in front of me in my friend’s living room, but when more seating was brought from other rooms, somehow I ended up on the loveseat with B while E stayed in front of me on the floor.Good times, et cetera.

I hadn’t seen or heard from either of them in a couple of weeks until yesterday, when they came over to talk to me after church.Dude, they both kept doing the one-arm hug thing, touching me, flirting, and so on.BOTH OF THEM.EQUALLY.In front of each other.

After a few minutes of pleasantries, E asked me if I had any plans for Saturday, and I said, “None that I know of, but I’ll need to check my calendar.”He said they were thinking of having a BBQ at their house, and they wanted “to make sure [I’ll] be there” before they start inviting others.Nice.

The more I talked to them, the more obvious it is that E is quite a bit more intelligent than B (who stood there like a bobblehead during the BBQ discussion), and E is also less dorky.And this is going to sound strange…I get the impression that E knows that B kinda likes me, therefore, he’s backing off.(He went away and talked to someone else for a minute and left B and I alone, but he didn’t look happy about it.On the date, B asked me to sit next to him in the car and he paid for everyone’s dinner while E paid for the after-dinner activity, bowling.)

B and I talked about work stuff for a few minutes until E came back, E asked if I’m going to an event with our church group tonight, and I answered yes.He got this huge grin on his face and he’s all, “Awesome, I’ll meet up with you there!”I asked B if he is going, and he’s not — he has to work.

So here’s where I could use your input.Right now, I don’t necessarily like one of them more than the other.(Okay, the more I think about it, the more I’m slightly leaning toward E, but it’s too close to call.)But seriously?They’re brothers.I can’t date them individually until I decide which one I like better, which is what I would do in a normal circumstance.If I focus more with B because I kind of already went out with him (and he’s slightly cuter) then I may be missing my chance with his more intelligent and interesting brother.On the other hand, E makes a point to come over and talk to me at church, activities, and social gatherings (we’re in the same circle of friends) but B does not make as much of an effort.And to be honest, E may never ask me out because he knows his brother likes me.

Should I just wait it out?Should I keep flirting with both of them?Should I not flirt with either, because there’s a very real possibility no good can come of this situation?

Signed,
If I were Scarlett O’Hara, I’d skip the Tarletons altogether and get it on with Rhett as soon as possible

Dear Sars,

I am a high school senior getting ready to head off to college this fall, and I have a bit of a dilemma on my hands.I have a smallish group of friends, and so even if we don’t really get along too well with someone, we sort of just keep ourselves from making nasty comments and hang out anyway, because there’s not much room for splitting into multiple groups.The problem comes in with one person in the group in particular — I’ll call her Cheryl — who I really don’t get along with.Now, we’re the type of people who don’t just “say it to each other’s faces,” and rather anyone who is displeased with anyone else will generally talk a little trash to whoever is around, get over it, and move on.Unfortunately, it seems that Cheryl will be going to the same college as me come autumn.

This normally wouldn’t really bother me, as since we really only hang out because most of our friends are the same people I would normally just break it off with her after the end of the year and not really spend time with her at school.I have other friends there already, and I’m sure I’ll be meeting a lot of new people, so I definitely won’t need to depend on someone I don’t really like to spend my free time.There is going to be a problem though, because another girl in our group — Suzie — who is also going to this college asked me last week to room with her.

Now, I had wanted to room with Suzie, and I was planning on asking her if she didn’t ask me, so that isn’t the problem.The problem is that Cheryl really wanted to ask Suzie to room with her, and so now Suzie, to try and appease Cheryl, has suggested tripling.Cheryl jumped on board with this, but when Suzie asked me about it after mentioning it to Cheryl, I naturally said no way.Suzie told me it doesn’t matter to her, and I originally thought that Cheryl was the one who suggested it, but another friend of ours told me that Suzie mentioned to him earlier in the day that she was going to suggest the triple, and so now I feel really bad that I was so blatant about my dislike for the idea.

I know Cheryl doesn’t really want to room with me, and she’s just so happy about the triple thing because it means rooming with Suzie like she originally wanted, so my first instinct here was to just say forget it, let them room together and not put anyone down on my housing form, which I’m fine with, but the fact that Suzie asked me to room with her last week even after Cheryl made it known that she wanted to room with her is bothering me.It obviously means that she doesn’t really want to room with Cheryl, and that this is a peace offering.Cheryl is a killjoy, and spends most of her time complaining, and when it comes down to it, Suzie is the only one who will put up with her and hide how annoyed she is, which I guess is why she made the suggestion of the triple in the first place.

At this point, I haven’t spoken to either Suzie or Cheryl about it since I told Suzie that I don’t want to triple, so I’m not sure how much Cheryl knows of my disdain for the idea.I was honestly hoping not to even have to deal with all of this until after prom and graduation, since if we do have a confrontation, I’d like it to be after all of the major end-of-the-year socializing, but it unfortunately looks like it’s going to blow over now.

I really don’t want to leave Suzie to Cheryl, who will undoubtedly be a huge downer for her, and possibly keep her from making new friends (whether it be by making Suzie hang out with her, or by scaring off prospective friends with her personality) but I can’t stand the idea of having to live with Cheryl myself, let alone the fact that I have never heard about a good situation where people were tripled, especially in a building meant for doubles, which is where we’ll be.At this point, I feel terrible that Suzie is having to try and play mediator between Cheryl and I, even though I offered to talk to Cheryl myself.

And so Sars, in simplest terms, should I just stick it out and go with the triple so I can keep Cheryl from swallowing Suzie whole, or should I get out while I still can and get myself a roommate who doesn’t come with pre-attached high school drama?

Signed,
Dreading Kathy, the Demon Roommate

Dear Sars,

My sister and I were extremely close growing up. We
came from a pretty dysfunctional family and had to
learn to rely on each other. Although she’s five years
my junior, throughout college I always let her come
stay with me in my dorms/off-campus housing. No matter
what was going on in my life, she always came first.

The problems started soon after she graduated college
(summa cum laude) and I got her a job at the crappy
publishing company I worked at, doing admin work until
she got on her feet. Well, before long she fell into
an unsavory office clique. You know the type: guys in
their late 20s, content to work a lame go-nowhere job
to keep their bar tab/pot dealer paid while they
cluelessly think that their frat-boy glory days never
ended?

I have NO idea what my sister sees in these idiots.
Not to mention the fact that this level-headed girl
decides to start playing bar whore when she’s starting
her adult life, and getting married to boot!

Finally, around the time I left that company for a
better job, things came to a boiling point between us.
I found out a few of her “friends” had been saying
nasty things about me, and she took their side over
mine. My sister and I didn’t speak (or if we did
speak, we fought) for months. Through all this, her
friends and I despise each other.

We eventually reconciled, but I still secretly resent
her and the way she lives her life. I recently found
out that a mutual friend offered to hook her up with a
cushy job at a better company, which she declined so
she could continue to hang out with her jackass
friends.

My multi-faceted question is this: How do I stop being
hurt by the fact that my sister has resigned herself
to a life of mediocrity, and has ultimately chosen her
friends over me? And also, how do I gracefully handle
myself next month at the wedding when I have to come
face-to-face with these idiots whom I abhor? I already
have a lump in my stomach just knowing I will have to
see them.

Needs to learn to let go