The Vine: March 20, 2001
Dear Sarah,
I love your site, and your advice seems on target to me, so maybe you could help me out.
Here’s the situation: I’m in college, and I’m sharing a house with four other people. I’m starting to really like one of my housemates beyond the friendship we initially established. I’ve dated a lot of guys, and “Pete” is different than many 21-year-olds — he is honest, direct, and focused on his goals. A few sources say that he likes me, too. I’m mostly worried about a potentially messy break-up, and then we have to see each other every day for our two-year lease. Also, I think it would be difficult, if not impossible, to control the inertia of a relationship, given that we see each other so often. My friends are divided: some say “Hook up! Easy access, why not?” while others insist “House-cest! Miserable break-up,” et cetera. What do you think? Do the benefits outweigh the potential cost?
Thanks,
Unsure
Dear Unsure,
You know, I’d planned to tell you that I think you need more than “starting to really like” and “a few sources say” to move forward here, and that you should consider the potential ugliness should things not work out, blah blah blah proceed-with-caution-cakes.
But then I thought to myself, “Why? Just because she lives with him? Even if they didn’t live together, a break-up would suck. Even if they didn’t live together, they’d feel awkward if, say, they slept together but then nothing much came of it after that. If they didn’t live together, what would I tell her?”
If you didn’t live with the guy, I’d tell you to go with the flow, so…what the hell. Go with the flow. Yeah, the living situation could make things weird later, but it’s better to regret the action taken than to regret the one not taken, in my opinion, so if you like him and he likes you back, what’s the harm?
Well, you know the harm, but that’s the beauty of falling in love — grinning like a fool and saying, “Well, then, bring on the harm.” See what happens.
Tags: boys (and girls) roommates
