The Vine: October 15, 2008
Hi Sars,
This one is short and sweet. What do you think of housewarming registries? Useful or tacky? I’d never heard of them until recently, when I saw someone announce on their blog that they were changing apartments with a link to their Target registry (which actually has a Housewarming category), and I have to say, I thought it was a little tacky.
I’m asking, though, because my husband and I are about to buy a house. Once we’re settled in, we’d like to have a casual open house for friends and family to come check it out and then hang out in the back yard (we’ll have a back yard!) and eat burgers (and a back yard grill!), but we haven’t been calling it a housewarming party, as we didn’t really expect anybody to even think of getting us gifts. Until recently, that sort of thing just hasn’t been all that common in my little corner of the country, where it’s generally seen as something for city folks and those crazy liberals on [pick a coast].
But, totally unsolicited, a few people have mentioned getting us housewarming gifts and asking me what we need. There are actually quite a few things that we could use that we didn’t get for our wedding two years ago — every day I think of some new thing we’ll need to get because OMG a HOUSE! That we’re responsible for maintaining and fixing! It’s kind of a frightening prospect, really, and it would be a big comfort to know that our near and dear have our backs.
So much for this being short. Anyway, what say you and/or your readers? Should I put together a housewarming registry, or is it tacky? And if I should, then how do I tell people without feeling tacky about it?
Thanks,
Wedding-Gift Etiquette Was Hard Enough To Suss Out
Dear Suss,
I feel about them roughly the same way I feel about wedding registries — it’s fine to have the registry, and to direct people to it if they ask, but if they don’t ask, it’s tacky to include the information anywhere in the invitation.
It seems like people in your life want to buy you things for your new place, and having a registry set up will make it easier on them and you; you can probably even write a little sub-header into it that says “thanks so much for thinking of us, but a visit from you is all our new house REALLY needs” — just so it’s clear that you don’t expect gifts.But if people have inquired, why not make a list so you get things you need?
But again, don’t put it on the invitation; if your guests would like to bring a gift, they will follow up with you.
You can also just call the open house an open house, which I think has fewer implications of the guests helping you to feather your nest than if you call it a housewarming.Either way, building a registry is not in and of itself tacky; mentioning it unprompted is.
Hey Sars,
So, I recently got out of a wretchedly, horribly bad relationship. Calling it “abusive” is being kind — every kind of abuse you can imagine was going on. It lasted a little under a year, and I’m glad to say that I was able to truck it out of there without even having to get a restraining order (though, believe me, in case this person tries to contact me ever again, I have my finger on the button).
My friends are glad to have me back (and are horrified by some of the sketchier details of my ex), and I’ve instituted a sort of moratorium on dating (in general) and conversation (with crazy people). I’m getting back into the routine of life, and getting back into the things I like (both of which I was prevented from doing in this relationship).
I guess my question is…what now? This wasn’t my first controlling relationship, but it’s the first that was clearly, underlined, bold, and italicized ABUSIVE. I’m relatively strapped for money and I don’t have the kind of insurance that will cover a therapist.
The last detail to this is what basically shuts down all my Google searches on the matter: I’m a guy. I was in an abusive relationship with a woman. I’m bi, so I wouldn’t be terribly uncomfortable in a gay space, but either playing the pronoun game or explaining that yes, I was dating a woman are things that I’d have to think about beforehand.
I’m imagining that the average support group is going to be mostly women, particularly mostly women who were in relationships with men and who may well have some (very understandable) issues with a guy coming into their space.
Thanks in advance,
Man, Table for One.
Dear Table,
You’ve gotten yourself out of there, and you’ve taken steps to get right with yourself for a while and track back to center, so — good start.You’ve done the hardest and most important parts, but now I think you want to investigate what led you into the abusive situation in the first place, and how to avoid going there again, which is great, but as you said, it’s a relatively atypical situation, at least in terms of finding institutional support.
But I feel like Googling must turn something up — some sort of online space for men who have survived abuse in heterosexual relationships (which, regardless of your sexual preferences, this one was, and I don’t think you want to have to worry about changing your pronouns all the time), or a nearby group-therapy situation you might look into.It’s rare, but it’s not unheard of; try searching again with various strings of words, and see if you can’t find an online space where you can do some reading and talk things out.
Also investigate low-cost counseling options; many therapists will work for an adjusted fee, and it’s not a permanent investment — you can take a few sessions, and see how things go.Even if you had a more “common” problem, you still want to look at what you as an individual have going on; everyone’s baggage isn’t packed the same way.
Keep researching, and see what you turn up; don’t get discouraged by the fact that it’s tough to find a community whose issues seem to fit yours.It’s still worth doing.
Hey Sars,
I’m in the process of going through my wardrobe for the first time in many years and deciding what I’m going to keep and what gets sent to Goodwill. The issue I keep coming up against is tight jeans.
I used to like wearing pretty tight jeans, but a year of wearing khakis for work made me rethink that position. Now I require my legs to have some breathing room. However, I have a bunch of pants that fall into the tight category for the first four or so hours of wear, but have settled into nice and comfy by the end of the day.
I’d like to keep these pants, since they do have it in them to be comfortably wearable, and I feel like buying bigger pants would just mean that those pants wound up too loose by the end of the day, but I hate the hassle of squeezing into them in the morning, and squatting usually doesn’t work that well. I already wash them cold AND hang them to dry.
Any other tips for how to either keep jeans from shrinking at all or stretching them a ton super quick?
Buying New Pants Is Expensive
Dear Pants,
I just wedged myself into a similar pair of cords earlier today — for them to have any shape at all after a couple of hours, I need to buy them tight, but that first 20 minutes is like wearing a vise.
Sometimes, with heavy non-stretch denim, you just have to wait it out and take shallow breaths, but I’ve had good luck with bending at the hips and knees and blow-drying my butt and legs for a minute or two.It’s not going to win me any dignity awards, but I…wasn’t really counting on those anyway, so who cares.
Other suggestions welcome, elegant or not.
Tags: boys (and girls) etiquette health and beauty rando
Life is too short to wear tight pants.
Jeans with stretch are one thing. Jeans that don’t fit are another. Be honest with yourself about which these are.
Pants – if your jeans aren’t getting sweaty and dirty everytime you wear them I suggest not washing them between every wearing. Hang them back up at the end of the day to air out and you can get 2-3 wearings between washings. That will cut down on the re-entry time after each wash.
Pants – how often do you wash your jeans? I find that it is completely unnecessary to wash mine every time I wear them; every 3 to 4 times is more like it. You may or may not be comfortable with that, but it means you get more comfortable time for every few hours you spend stretching them out.
You can also buy pants stretching hangers; you put the pants on them while they are wet and they dry bigger than they normally would. But I think those pretty much only work for the waistband.
This might not work for work pants, but the way I keep my jeans not-tight is by simply not washing them. I’ll wear them something like 10 times (sometimes consecutive days) before I wash them again. I think my record was the same pair of jeans every day for three and a half weeks. Just take them off at night and fold them up like you would laundered jeans.
I’m just now getting the sense that I’m totally gross. So, there’s that.
@Table – Googling “abused husband support” turned up a plethora of appropriate links.
Hee, look. Everyone else says three or four times between washes, and I went with 10. I really am gross!
@Sarah
You’re not totally gross. I tend to wear my jeans until they can stand on their own or stretch beyond comfortable into too baggy. (Barring anything actually spilling on them.)
I wear my jeans for several days before I wash them. Generally no more than 4 times but I’ve worn them for up to a week before. I don’t know how Sarah managed to keep her jeans clean for 3.5 weeks. I generally get my jeans dirty/stained by the 3rd or 4th wear. However, I do have two rambunctious dogs that add to my dirtiness quite a bit.
Etiquette–
My best friend just bought his first house. For the first month or so, his mantra was “HOME DEPOT GIFT CARDS.”
“Can I get you anything?” HOME DEPOT GIFT CARDS!
“How’s that attic project coming along?” Great, thanks to HOME DEPOT GIFT CARDS!
“Hey, is that wall supposed to be–?” Quick, to Home Depot! Grab the GIFT CARD!
Kidding aside, gift cards to places like Home Depot and Target are wonderful for first-time home buyers, since all sorts of things crop up unexpectedly. (We had to buy not one, but TWO crowbars to help rip up carpet. Who knew?)
If there are very specific items you want/need, then a registry is more appropriate, but if you don’t want to put too much emphasis on the gift-giving, tell friends that a gift card is fine.
Arg, I hate jeans. Keep the ones you’ve got for sure or you’ll be swimming in them by the end of the day.
I’ve lost quite a bit of weight over the last year, and the pants thing is driving me crazy. Old fat jeans? Are a big at the beginning of the day, and at the end I can take them off without unbuttoning them. New jeans that are a size smaller than I thought I’d be getting but apparently a size larger than I should have gotten? Fit nicely in the waist and hips to start, but not in the butt and knees. If that makes sense. Apparently my legs are supposed to be as big around at the knee as they are at the upper thighs.
I’d much rather wear jeans that fit me all over by the end of the day and suffer for a couple hours than what I have now which always make me look shapeless somewhere and eventually everywhere. I also never used to wash my jeans after each wear, and I hate this new world I’m living in where I apparently should. And constantly hitching up my pants is REALLY unattractive.
I just need to pipe in on the not washing the jeans after every wear issue…I used to be that way – maybe 2 or 3 wears before washing, but then I got pets. Forget it. The fur, the dirty paws, dogs inevitably sneezing on you…you can’t win. So, like ‘Pants’, I’m stuck dealing with washing my pants a lot. (You should see me trying to sneak past the dogs when I’m in my work clothes.)
I’m with the not-washing crew. Regular pants it won’t work for, but jeans don’t need washing nearly as often as thinner cloth.
You could also try wearing them undone around the house to start with, say for 20 mins, that will stretch out the butt a bit, before you have to do them up.
Sarah, you aren’t gross. I wear mine until I spill something visible on them.
That’s my solution too, I don’t wash my jeans until they really NEED it. Not only do I ge the comfy fit longer, but it’s better for the fabric, since washing is wat breaks fabric down the fastest. I also tell myself its very environmentaly friendly- less washing=less wasted water and soap in the runoff as well as less electricity for the washer.
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
@Sarah. You’re not gross. I never wash my jeans unless they get something on them or are smelly (from a smoky club/bar or some such other odor). Incidentally, I own enough pairs to clothe the entire state of South Dakota, but none of ’em have been washed as late.
Any other clothes must be laundered on a regular basis. Jeans? Not so much.
Sars, I continue to disagree with you about the wedding registry info on the invitation, but that’s neither here nor there. I must agree with you here that registering for a housewarming might be fine, but definitely not including it on the invite.
This couple is married, they had their chance with people buying them a bunch of expensive shit once before. I’d totally be on board, however, with a housewarming registry (including putting the info on the invite) for a single person buying their first house. A single person misses out on their loved ones buying them things they’ll need in life, like those sweet KitchenAid mixers.
Not that I am bitter or anything. (coughs)
Table For One:
I’m not sure how it works, but I have friends who are studying to be therapists, and they’re always running group sessions and doing therapy sessions as a part of their training. It might be worth looking at local universities/hospitals and asking in psychology departments if there are any graduate student types who might be able to treat you for a reduced rate as well.
To Man, Table For One: Good on you for getting out. I agree with everything Sars says.
Also, I don’t know what kind of work you do, but last year after the death of my mother, I found out that one of the resources our HR department provides is access to (at least) five free sessions with a therapist. I think they have a list of doctors, but you can go to them until you find one that works for you, and that’s not counted toward your five sessions. Your job might have something similar, or at least suggestions on free or low-cost options.
To Man, Table for One:
Some communities have mental health organizations that are funded by charities like United Way, and have very, very reduced fees. They’re a place for newly minted therapists to get some experience and begin to build a clientele. If there’s a university with a clinical psychology or clinical social work program, it’s possible you can find some low or no cost help there with (well supervised) grad students completing internships.
Good luck to you.
Sarah, if you’re gross, I am too. I wash my jeans when… I notice they’re dirty. Or sometimes not even then (because yeah, I am kinda gross). And I don’t necessarily wear them every day (depends on my job dress code, time of year, whatever), so I often lose track of how many times I’ve worn them between washings.
So yeah, Pants, just don’t wash ’em and you’ll be a-ok.
I wish I had something helpful to say for Man, but unfortunately I have more experience with dirty pants. Sorry.
Table, I’d suggest calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800- 799-7233) – they should be able to point you to some better online support groups, at the very least, and may be able to recommend low-cost therapy options as well. Also, if there are any universities in your area, it might worth contacting their psychology or psychiatry departments to inquire about low cost care. I have a friend who is getting very good counselling through a referral she obtained that way. Finally, if you haven’t already, try googling male victims domestic violence. I just did a quick search and it looks like there are some good resources online.
Congratulations on your new start, and good luck with all of this…
Re: the housewarming registry. My immediate reaction on reading the first sentence was AUGH! I know that’s just one data point, but it was a really strong, visceral reaction. Something in me just hates the idea of another category of thing that people will eventually feel obligated to buy gifts for. And I guess I sort of feel like if you’re in bad enough shape financially that you need people to help buy things for your new house… you bought a house that you can’t afford. And if you don’t need them to buy you things, then why not just ask them to bring the traditional bottle of wine or houseplant?
Sarah, if you’re gross, then I am too. I wash my jeans when either a) I do something particularly messy or sweaty in them, b) they get something on them, c) they start to feel dirty, or d) I can’t remember the last time I washed them. That ends up being every few weeks. I have a few pairs that rotate so I’m not wearing one pair for months on end, and I often wear them for only a couple of hours after I get home from work in the evenings.
There are seriously people out there who wash their jeans ever time they’re worn? No wonder there’s a water crisis in so much of this country – everyone’s doing too much laundry.
For Man, Party of One: I don’t know where you are located, but the National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.ndvh.org, 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) might be able to give you a referral to an agency in your area. I used to work in a related social service agency (rape crisis) and while the majority of our clients were women, we always welcomed men and provided services for them as well. I know some agencies in my area (Chicagoland) provide no-cost counseling and there might well be similar agencies near you.
Also, ditto to what Sars said re: your good work on getting out of the situation. That takes amazing courage.
Another trick for getting pants into the comfy mode if they tend to dry tight…when you air dry, put them on before they’ve completly dried and wear them around. Even if you don’t plan on “wearing them wearing them” just hang out for 20 minutes or so (with an unfortunate damp crotch, but that’s the price) and they’ll settle into the right shape for when you’re ready to “wear them wear them.”
And listen to what Alyce said.
This is for Table, and anyone else who needs some cheap therapy.
Look and see if there’s a university in your area that has graduate programs for psychologists, counselors, social workers, marriage & family therapists, etc. These programs often offer counseling to the community at a drastically reduced cost (one in my area goes as low as $5), as long as you’re okay working with a student, and often, being observed by other students.
I will admit that my most powerful experience in therapy happened with a student that was only in her second semester.
Good luck, Table.
I think Codependents Anonymous is a great resource for folks who have been in abusive relationships. A big city might even have a male-only group.
I do what a lot of you do–I wear my jeans a couple times before washing. And when I do put them on after washing, I tend to put them on when they’re slightly damp (either by drying them right before dressing so that they’re not quite dry, or misting them with water. Yes, it does suck on cold mornings though).
No matter what, they will always shrink back up after washing. That’s just the nature of cotton/fabric in general. But I find the dampness helps them stretch out a little bit faster as you’re wearing them.
Yeah, I was really confused by Pants’s letter because I don’t wash my jeans every time either. People wash their jeans between every wearing? Seriously? I have never met such a person.
With jeans and cords, I wash them after a few wearings, but don’t put them in the dryer when they’re wet. It’s drying them (from wet to completely dry) that makes them tight for a while. Let them air dry, then throw them in for 5-10 minutes to soften them up. It’s a perfect solution for me, although I guess it only works for someone with a w/d. Schlepping everything to the laundromat for 10 minutes of drying would be a pain in the ass.
Off topic: I’ve mostly stopped using my dryer for anything other than fluffing my laundry. I hang almost everything outside on a clothes line. My utilities bills have dropped dramatically, and my clothes are holding up better.
I’ll admit to going more than 10 wears between washing, if that makes you feel better Sarah. Obviously if they begin to look dirty, they go right in the wash, but I find they tend to look better, not worse, after some wear. If that makes me gross, I’m okay with it.
@Table: Maybe look for a support group that’s not just couple abuse–maybe open to family abuse situations so its a mix of men and women and whom they were abused by (do they have those?).
@Suss–A housewarming registry seems…odd. Are there a lot of people asking you about it? Do you having a lot of really specific things in mind? Otherwise, it seems like it might just be easy to say one thing each to the couple people that what you would like (blue bath towels, spatulas that don’t suck, whatever). Unless, perhaps, you have no idea what they could afford or something.
Nah, it’s not gross. Or if it is, then I’m joining the gross club, because I wear jeans many, many times before washing. If you’re just sitting at a desk all day, how dirty do they really get?
House:
I’m sorry you went through that. Having been in quite a few different abuse-therapy situations, hopefully some of these suggestions might help.
In a run-of-the-mill post-abuse group, don’t worry about being in women’s space. You went through the same things a lot of them did; you have every right to be there. There were almost always 1 or 2 guys in my groups. Some women were a bit scared of them at first, understandably, but were able to voice their fears, and it was used as a healing tool. The fear will settle with time as they realize that you are there as a survivor, not a perpetrator.
If you come up with a lot of women’s-only places, contact them and see if they can refer you to another group or individual therapist.
With GLBT places, the B is there for a reason. Cities/places are different as far as how open the gay community is with bi-folk, but are usually very accepting in a therapeutic setting. I went to a gay women’s group shortly after I came out, so most of my relationships had been with men, and I didn’t hide that. I never felt the least bit out of place.
It can be daunting to find low cost/free services, especially for the vastly underrepresented group of men abused my women, but it’s out there. Good luck.
Man,
Have you looked into low-cost counselling at your local university? Every university I’ve been involved with, especially those with graduate psych programs, offers low-cost programs. The counselors will be grad students, but they’ll be supervised by licensed professionals. I got my grad degree (not in psych) from a school that had a community clinic. We offered low-cost (sliding scale) therapy to community members from all walks of life. Good luck. You’re worth it!
I must be gross, too. My jeans go at least 5 times between washings, but the miracle of Febreeze keeps them from getting too funky. I try putting them on for the first time on a weekend morning when I can sit on the couch and deal with the tightness in relative peace so that they’re at the right fit by the time I want to wear them in public and/or move normally. I work in a lab which requires me to assume some pretty strange positions and get by fine with my system.
Yeah, my mom used to yell at us if we put our pants in the laundry after less than three wears, because laundry soap cost money and so did more pants so we could wear a brand new pair every day. So I pretty much wear the one pair of jeans all week and then the other on laundry day, and for the following week.
@Table: In my city, the LGBT center had a program that provided therapists’ visits at a drastically reduced cost. I don’t know HOW strapped for cash you are, but combining the center-pays-half deal with the individual therapist’s sliding scale, I paid only $35/visit. I never had to hedge pronouns with that therapist. Though I’m not a man, I am bisexual, and the women I met at the center were pretty cool about that–and according to some of the studies I’ve read, gay men are more prone to be tolerant of bisexuals than lesbians.
@Suss,
If I were you I’d create a wishlist of stuff that you need for the house – not for anyone else, but for you so that you can keep track of everything that you’ve remembered that you’ll need. If someone wants to buy you something, then you can send them the link, or ask for gift cards from the retailer that you’ve set up the list with.
I don’t think 10 wearings of jeans is gross; I have a dog, so 4 is generally my limit, but if I could go longer, I would. :)
@Table:
Thank goodness for the anonymity of the internet. My boyfriend was in a relationship just like that – he got out a couple years before we got together. I don’t think a man being abused by a woman is as uncommon as some might think. My boyfriend is in great shape now – balanced, healthy, sweet. You will be in great shape someday, too, because you want to be, and that’s what matters. He and I live together now and life is bliss, so you can have this too. Slow and steady does it, I think. I was raped by a boyfriend and have had to recover from that, too. I think the thing is, most people have been roughed up to a certain extent, and there’s a system out there to help people get over it, even for the broke people like us, and you’ll find it. My heart goes out to you – good luck.
While reading the comments, I started teared up a little, suddenly remembering the gym class exchange in this cartoon:
http://www.homestarrunner.com/tgs14.html
I agree that Pants doesnt’t necessarily have to wash jeans ever…yday.
Table, I know two men who were abused by female partners. It was many years ago and I presume they were not in your city at the time — but I wanted you to know, your problem may be rare but it is not unique.
I’m with @Molly on the housewarming registry issue. Here’s the part of Suss’s letter that rubs me the wrong way: “It’s kind of a frightening prospect, really, and it would be a big comfort to know that our near and dear have our backs.”
No. If you are going to take on the responsibility of a house, you have to have your own back….both for your mortgage and for your towel matchiness. Believe me, I sympathize on the unbelievable foxholes of expenses that are hidden in every nook and cranny of a house, but that’s something you have to factor into the overall cost when you figure out what you can afford. As for stuff to go in the house, I guess I just don’t see why changing one’s address promotes wants to needs. People who really want to bring a gift will figure something out without a list. To me, this is really different from a wedding registry – moving into a new house isn’t a scenario that typically brings about more than a token gift, whereas people usually give something more substantial for weddings. Since big gifts aren’t the norm, a registry for a housewarming seems to indicate that the recipient expects a gift in line with the nature of the registry, if not from it.
Yay, I’m totally a member of the gross club! I wash my jeans once a month or so, unless I do something super dirty or sweaty in a pair.
For reals, I will even re-wear shirts as long as they’re not stinky/wrinkly.
One of my favorite things is when I realize I’m seeing none of the same people on consecutive days, so I can just wear the same awesome or comfy outfit I wore the day before. :p
For Man, Party of One:
I also thing Codependents Anonymous is a great place to start working on your concerns. In you neighborhood, or online.
No one local – you can start your own – all you need is the basic book. If you need the group, so do others.
You could also check to see if Yahoo Groups has an online group that fits you. No? again, you can create one easily.
there is no question that there should be a group for men who were abused by women. If you have to start it, i think you might be amazed at how fast it would grow.
This all makes me so nostalgic for the pre-toddler and pre-dog days of jeans-wearing! I would wear mine for weeks at a time, and then invariably my roomie would pick them up off the floor and wear them for another week or so. In fact, my boyfriend at the time jokingly categorized women into two categories – either you were a Clean Jeans Girl, or not. Still use that one, actually. Applies to lint too – either you’re linty, or you’re not.
Anyhoo, now I have to wash my jeans all the time, since toddler uses me as a napkin, and dog, is well, doggy. Plus, I’m a slob. And I stopped showering, so clean clothes is the only way I can pretend I’m normal.
For Man, Party of One:
take 2
i used this Google search:
“abused men” “self help” OR “12 step” group
and got 3600 hit.
sure, most are books, but many are groups. Even if none work for you, i think it is proof there there are plenty of people out there who would join you.
there was a quote i liked
“”Violence should not be a gender issue – it is a human issue.” ”
Please consider starting a People who were abused ( but have not been abusers) group.
the truth is, both groups are needed, to help them heal. But most abused people will never come back to a group that openly included the abused who have also been abusers.
Table:
Lisa already said it, but it bears repeating: if your city has any sort of services for abused women, and most have at least a phone number you can call, it’s likely that the people working there have spoken to men in your position before (because as so many have said, you are not alone in your situation, though I can understand it feels that way). They will be able to offer a sympathetic ear and certainly direct you to resources, therapy on a sliding pay scale and groups in the city that include men or are even male-specific.
I recommend phone or e-mail as the best way to contact these organizations, though, as many of them (certainly the one I worked at) have unlisted addresses and probably maintain a women-only office space. The group I worked for ran a men’s group for discussion of abuse, but had to run it off-site, purely because the office served as a therapeutic and safe-haven space for women who had suffered sexual violence, often very recently. So don’t feel singled out or slighted if these organizations can’t invite you to meet with someone on-site; it’s just a policy, and it’s in no way an accusation towards or comment on you.
I wish you the best of luck in finding what you need, and I promise you, it’s out there.
@Molly – I completely agree. House, call the party an open house and let your guests stock your bar, bring you flowers, bring you little soaps for the guest bathroom. Let’s not validate Bed, Bath, and Beyond’s marketing decision to create yet another event for which friends have to buy gifts. I agree with your initial reaction. Maybe it’s not tacky, per se, but registering seems a little…greedy? You did already get to register for wedding gifts, whether or not you received everything you wanted. I know you said that you didn’t expect gifts when you planned the event. Serve some burgers and show off your awesome new house and killer backyard, and leave it at that. By the way…congratulations!!!
Everyone here has made me feel so much better on the jeans issue. I thought I was the only one.
I put on my cutest jeans for my 10-year high school reunion, and when I later saw the pictures, the jeans had loosed enough to give me a baggy crotch. I felt so betrayed.
Just so we’re clear, I have to buy my jeans too small, wear them long enough to stretch them out, then launder them as seldom as possible to achieve appropriate comfort/cuteness? THANK YOU ALL!