The Vine: October 5, 2007
Hi Sars,
I am getting married in about a month and am having a hell of a time coming up with gifts for my bridesmaids. There are five of them. If I didn’t have to take the stupid bar exam next week, I would feel like I had more time to think and look for something nice. Sadly, I’m here with a gross of flashcards and flowcharts, fitting in wedding things in bursts when I have a spare minute.
I know one thing I’m going to give them — but it’s kind of small. I want…something else. I thought about trying to find something fun and girly, like purses, for all of them but the choices are kind of overwhelming. I’m trying to avoid the schlock from theknot.com and its ilk — I feel like everyone is probably at or past capacity on monogrammed mirrors and flip-flops that say “bridesmaid” backwards on the soles.
So, can you recommend anything? Or your readers? I get the sense that your sister-in-law was a pretty awesome bride — any great giftyness from that angle? I’m looking to spend about $50 per ‘maid, if that helps. The women in question are all smart, fun, outgoing, adventurous, et cetera. I would describe all of them as having kicky personalities. I know they’ll all really like the small gift I’m making them, but I’d also like to put something in their hands that makes them say “oh, awesome!” And I need help.
Thank you, thank you. And now, back to torts.
I’d really prefer a different bar, if you know what I mean
Dear Word — You Wait Here, I’ll Get The Car,
…Donors Choose philanthropy certificates? Just kidding.
I actually got a lamp and a clock from Gen and Mr. S as a bridesmaid’s gift, but as the sister of the groom, it’s maybe a little different. (But the lamp is awesome. Even awesomer: they named the lamp “Jack,” and to this day they “greet” it when they come over.)
I was joking about the gift certificates, but bridesmaids would way rather have those, even if they might seem impersonal to you, than a cutesy monogrammed whatever that isn’t really their taste — $50 at iTunes, or gift cards from various stores that the individual ‘maids might like (Williams-Sonoma for the foodies in the crowd, for example, and Borders for the readers).
Another thing my brother and sister-in-law put together for the wedding party was goodie bags, full of little handy things — travel-size Advil, water bottles, pocket notebooks, deodorant, Q-Tips, and so on.
Your ‘maids understand that you have a lot going on and can’t personalize every little aspect of the gifts; anything that’s useful, doesn’t impose your taste on them, and shows you put at least a little thought into it is great.
The readers might have some ideas in your price range, so we’ll see what they have to say.
Tags: Ask The Readers etiquette retail
I was having the same problem and finally decided on a gift that would do double-duty: jewelry that my girls could wear to the wedding and then in their day-to-day lives. I ended up getting them individual pieces of jewelry based upon their own personal preferences (two don’t like earrings but love necklaces; one loves bracelets) in a color that matched their dresses: a beautiful copper color that they can wear with most anything else. And they all loved them!
This is the website I used: http://chemistrybridal.com/. I’m sure there are tons of other stores or websites that can accomplish the same thing, but I liked the ease of getting everything in one shot here.
Good luck to the bride!
For the wedding I was in recently, the bride gave each of us a necklace that went beautifully with our bridesmaids dress, and were lovely on their own as well. I’ve seen other brides do similar things with other types of jewelry as well.
An alternative to buying them purses would be to buy each of them a gift certificate to Bag Borrow or Steal (www.bagborroworsteal.com), which is sort of like Netflix for purses. They even have a special “Bridesmaids Thank You” option for gift certificates. I haven’t tried it yet myself, but I love the idea and it is something that I would probably never spring for for myself, but would really enjoy.
On the purse, but not, tip, my sister’s friend recently got her ‘maids monogrammed LL Bean totes–the small ones (http://tinyurl.com/6dcvv). Totally useful and adorable, but because they’re bean bags they’re not revoltingly cutesy and wedding-y. And they’re less than $25 with monogram, so you could throw in a gift card to iTunes or Sephora or something, to personalize it even further to your friends’ individual tastes.
When I got married in July, I gave my ‘maids a set of pearl necklace and earrings (bought on SERIOUS sale, natch), but wanted to do a little something else, too. I ended up finding Vera Bradley travel jewelry cases to put the necklace and earrings into–and they LOVED them.
Now…neither I nor my ‘maids are really Vera Bradley folks, per se, but this item is both useful and attractive, and it’s not like a big VB tote, which I know some people might not love. And it’s only $20, which I thought was super-reasonable.
I loved them so much, I was hoping to get one for my birthday…and my awesome maid of honor (also known as my little sister) got me one! I was thrilled!
You can get there by clicking the link attached to my name up there in the comments info stuff. I can never figure out how to embed links and they’re always so long…
Congrats, and good luck on the bar! I just got married in June and my ‘maids all loved their gifts. I got tote bags for all of them (who doesn’t love a bag?!). I had their names put on, but you wouldn’t have to. I found good quality ones fairly cheap online at logosandgifts.com. Then, I chose different gifts for all of them to suit their taste, but I bought them all from greatergood.com. So, the gifts are individualized, but all help support good causes. I bought from the animalrescuesite for the dog lovers, literacysite for the readers, etc. Best part, they all got a unique gift they loved and I didn’t have to leave the couch! There is a TON of stuff to pick from (8 different sites, I think) and all give part of the proceeds to their cause. On the wedding day, they all showed up carrying their junk in the tote bags I gave them. Fun, helpful, and practical!
We did hip flasks with the date engraved in pretty small letters on the back for both the bridesmaids and the groomsmen. They weren’t too expensive and were quite a hit.
These customizable cuff bracelets are beautiful.
http://www.elsewares.com/commerce/Custom-Silver-Bracelet_MPD468.html
The LL Bean totes are a great idea. I was at a wedding where the bridesmaids got the medium or large ones and I totally coveted them (and all the bridesmaids where using them to haul around stuff).
Jewelry is nice, but sometimes hit or miss. Of the two jewelry pieces that I received, I wear one frequently and the other was only worn for the wedding. It also might be time consuming searching for the “perfect” thing.
I think “personalized” gift cards would be a great idea–especially if you’re already making them something that would be more personal.
Some other ideas may be treating everyone to a pedicure and/or manicure before the wedding (if that would fit into the schedule).
If you’re looking for cute cheap necklaces, there’s Dogeared at http://www.dogeared.com/ — they have an option for weddings (http://www.dogeared.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=CTGY&Category_Code=for-wedding-parties) and their charm necklaces come in a range of prices from about $30 to $100.
Swiss Army Knives. Yeah, I know, not real girly. But how many times do you need a corkscrew, or a nail file, or a pocket knife, or tweezers on short notice? Swiss Army Knives have all of those. Just drop in purse and go.
I gave that for my bridal party gift. My husband did it for the groomsmen. Big hit. And you can have them monogrammed.
Seconds on the LLBean tote bags. I got those as a bridesmaid — actually the gigantic, beach sized ones — and I’ve used it tons since. The bride also threw in some pamper-yourself stuff: bath lotion, a loofah, bath beads. She chose the colors of the bags, and the scents of the bath stuff, based on what she knew of us. It was perfect.
When I got married two years ago, we got my co-maids of honor (my only attendants) sapphire earrings that were a slightly smaller version of what I wore. They were a huge hit and they became part of their regularly worn jewelry. I don’t know where you live, but if it is a big enough city to have a jewelry district – you can find awesome deals there. We go to the Los Angeles jewelry district for everything – you get high quality and great prices. Kevin’s Gems is particularly good.
This probably isn’t an option for you anymore since you are so close to the big day. But, I bought my bridesmaids their dresses. They appreciated not having to deal with the expense of the dress and I was glad to be able to do something for them to make it easier for them to be a part of my wedding.
I second the Swiss Army Knife suggestion. Or books, but that might be just me. A bottle of wine and a nice cheese, chosen individually for each?
Another option is to think about what you would get each for her birthday or a holiday, and get that. You don’t have to get the same thing for everyone. :)
Just to play devil’s advocate, I’ve been a bridesmaid who has gotten jewelry to wear on the day of the wedding, and I can tell you that I’ve never worn that jewelry again. That gift feels to me more like something for the bride, as she gets to customize the ‘maids a little more, rather than for her attendants.
I was quite envious when the best man to my maid of honor received a nice tool set, but obviously that won’t work for every bridesmaid!
I second Dana’s Swiss Army Knives idea. You can even get them in pink! Well, maybe not the name brand Swiss ones, but a friend of mine has one and it always comes in handy. I have to remember to ask for one for Christmas.
We were on a serious budget, so stuff like jewelry was right out as a gift for the ‘maids. I went to a cute little spa boutique and bought some of those cloth makeup bags, then filled them with a “bridesmaid’s survival kit”: breath mints, Chapstick, tissues, notepad and pen, etc etc. It was fun to make them, inexpensive, and they all liked it.
Best bridesmaid gift I ever got was a gorgeous, silky bathrobe. All the bridesmaids got one in their favorite (or most becoming, probably) color; that wedding was 15 years ago and I still wear the robe.
Agreed that day-of jewelry is kind of hit or miss. I’ve gotten some that I’ve worn, and some that I haven’t. Same for bags. It’s really a matter of taste. The gifts I’ve appreciated most are things that defray the day-of costs, like offering to pay for updos or makeup or manicures. Big ups to the bride who paid for the dress!
I also like Sarah’s idea of personalized gift certificates, but honestly I always feel so nickle-and-dimed by weddings that I’d rather just knock some of the cost off the front end rather than recieve something afterwards. That’s probably really ungrateful of me and defeats the point of a thank you gift, but I have both too many monogrammed bracelets and too much credit card debit from buying wedding-related stuff.
We bought our whole wedding party nice books that were specific to their interests – a coffee table book on Chicago for the one who had recently moved away, a fancy Williams-Sonoma cookbook for the one who loves cooking, a book on the history of UMich for the rabid UMich alum… to be fair, we sort of had a book-themed wedding, but our wedding party seemed to enjoy opening these gifts and talking amongst themselves about why their respective books were appropriate for them (which also made it a good getting-to-know-you for the ones who didn’t know each other well yet).
I love the idea of the totebags, but I would like to second a cautionary note on the jewelry. My cousin’s wife — after torturing me through most of the wedding planning process, which I’m sure you’re not doing because you sound thoughtful — got us these cheesy beaded bracelets and earring to match the dresses, and all I thought was, ‘Great, I dropped a ton of change on you and my ‘gift’ is really to help us match better?’ Also I was bitter. But for serious, watch out on the matching jewelry front.
What about a gift certificate for a mani and/or pedi at a local spa for all the girls to use the day of or day before?
Oh, and best wishes for the bar and wedding day. You are a brave woman preparing for both at the same time!
having been a bridesmaid 6 times in 3 years (yes, really. my closet will make you cry), I can say hands down that the LL Bean tote bag trend is great. You cannot have too many totes, especially if you pick a basic bag with a fun accent color. My sister-in-law filled her bridesmaids’ bags (not monogrammed) with a bottle of wine, a spa-quality towel/wrapper thing, and a pedicure kit.
All very very awesome stuff!
My cousin gave us black purses – simple, small and go-with-anything, so it’s become my default bag for the many many weddings I attend each year – and monogrammed key chains. Both simple, sweet, and probably took about 20 minutes total at thingsremembered.com & macys.com
Good luck on the bar! Online shopping can be a nice study break – and the power of guaranteed express delivery can soothe an overstressed bride/law student’s nerves!!!
Second Ashley’s rec (dude you read TN too??) on the LL Bean totes. I was the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding last month and she got us each a monogrammed little LL Bean tote, put in a bar of organic chocolate, lip balm, a cute little notebook, and a sterling silver Celtic knot necklace to wear with our dresses. Loved it. When I got married a couple years ago, I gave my bridesmaids sterling silver love knot bangles that I got at Macy’s. They were around $50 each. I liked them because they went well with the dresses, but they weren’t fancy rhinestoney/only wearable to wedding jewelry, they were really pretty even with jeans…they looked similar to this: http://www.pleasureboatmarine.com/stsikncahobr.html
I can recommend a site like Etsy.com, where you can find all sorts of handmade gifts.
I’ve seen pretty great stuff at Etsy (I’m a seller of bridal accessories myself). I was thinking that your bridesmaids may enjoy a hand-made stationery set, which is very chic and also a thoughtful gift. One of my favorite sellers is http://www.Heatherjeany.etsy.com
Check out the paper goods section for more ideas: http://www.etsy.com/category_top.php?top_tag=paper_goods
Good luck! :)
It’s like this column is speaking directly to me. My fiancee and I started looking for attendant gifts last weekend. I had more or less decided on jewelry for my bridesmaids, but now I’m not so sure. Would it be less of an imposition if I had them pick it out? It doesn’t help that they’re at completely different life stages…my best friend has been out of college a few years, one sister is in college, and another is in high school. Maybe I’ll just abandon the idea of coordinated gifts.
I went through this six weeks ago, and settled on getting them a (fake) Tiffany necklace and earrings set (www.tiffanyzone.com), a monogrammed miniature pink flask, and some airplane bottles of liquor, and I packaged it up in the small tote bag from Lands End (basically the same as the LL Bean ones, but I liked the colours better). I like the gift certificate idea, though – the only reason I didn’t do that is that one of my bridesmaids was American and I couldn’t figure out how to get a gift card in USD. I’d also caution on jewelry that you expect them to wear on the day – that’s not so much a present for them as it is a present for you, since you’re the one who wants them to match.
When I did this whole wedding thing, I got my two maids each a Pashmina from ebay, and then a travel jewelry case for my maid of honor. I can’t remember what I got my bridesmaid, but it was my husband’s teenaged sister and she was so sour throughout the whole wedding that I might as well have gotten her a lemon. (turns out later she didn’t want to be in the wedding, but her mom wouldn’t let her tell me…..meanwhile another friend was pissed she didn’t get to be IN the wedding….you can’t win!) But I got the travel jewelry case off eBay as well, I think it was a Coach so it was actually quite nice.
Depending on how much you like your maids, Red Envelope also has VERY nice gifts. You could certainly get people jewelry intently NOT to wear at the wedding. I bought my best friend a wishbone pendant necklace from Red Envelope and it is one of the few jewelry pieces she frequently wears.
Good luck on the bar AND with the wedding! And remember–the wedding’s just one day, the marriage is the rest of your life–as long as the marriage is a good one, the wedding is just icing on the cake!
I don’t know how common an idea this is, because my experience with weddings is limited, but when I was a bridesmaid in my college roomate’s wedding, she bought everybody silver charm bracelets. She put a few charms on ieach bracelet that were individually tailored to each bridesmaid – she actually managed to find a little microscope charm for me. I guess it all depends on how your bridesmaids feel about jewelry in general and bracelets in particular, but I thought it was a fantastic present.
I agree with the posters above re: wedding-day jewelry — I’ve received it as a bridesmaid gift, and it felt both like a cop-out gift (because it’s really *for* the wedding, not to say “you’re awesome — I love you!”) and like something I’d never wear again.
A different friend gave each of us a Coach wristlet (about $50) as a gift, and I have to say I love mine. I’m the LAST person to care about brands or trends or what have you, so it was less about the Coach name and more about having a cute, fun accessory that I never would have bought for myself. I’ve used it everywhere from weddings to Vegas. Not perfect for everyone, maybe, but an idea we *all* loved.
Congrats on the wedding & good luck on the bar!
I was just maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding this past weekend, and she bought me and the bridesmaid the best gift: Philosophy’s bath gel set – The Wedding Party. http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P194909&shouldPaginate=true&categoryId=3866
So cute! And all three scents smell really good.
Like many others here, I gave different necklaces to each bridesmaid. They all ended up being different versions of one style from Red Envelope, of all places–gold chains for some girls, silver for others, and different stones depending on taste and, for a couple, birthstone. They all really liked them. (BTW they didn’t wear them with their dresses. Well, maybe a couple chose to but I can’t remember and I certainly didn’t ask them to. I really didn’t want to give them something that I expected them to wear for the wedding.)
I had planned to search eBay and antique stores for vintage jewelry for each, but I didn’t end up having time.
I tried to find something I thought my gals would love but might consider too much of a luxury to buy for themselves. I wound up getting them satin PJs from Red Envelope, which were a big hit (I also made sure to get gift receipts in case I got the wrong size).
(Oops, and I forgot to add in that I found great little stacking leather boxes in chocolate brown or pink and ended up getting those to put the necklaces in. Again, color choice was according to the tastes of the friend.)
I’ve been in a few weddings now, and while jewelry is nice, it’s just kinda boring. One wedding I was in though, the bride got each of us 4 wine or martini glasses, that were the wedding colors. They were awesome and funky and I use mine all the time and think of the happy couple. which I guess is the point.
I second Kate’s comment above about Red Envelope. You can search specifically for gifts in your price range (best bets under $50 is one of the categories) and what I like about their products is that everything feels kind of luxurious – very nice wrapping and high quality. The kind of thing you would never really get for yourself, but feel totally honored to receive. I’m given lots of things from their site and also I have the personalized purse mirror myself and I think it’s awesome.
Good luck with everything!
At the wedding I went to most recently, my friend got all of her bridesmaids Coach wristlets. They were cute, useful (they could be used during the wedding to hold some essentials – cash, ID, lipstick, and afterwards to do the same thing when going out to, say the bar), and the ones on the website range in price but are available starting in the $40-something price range.
And they’re totally not “bridesmaidy” which is the best part.
I was in wedding last month and since we ranged in age from the young (20) to the very, vey old (me – 39), the bride didn’t want to try and find something generic we all liked. She ended up getting us each some matching jewelry to wear on the big day, but then got each of us something (or a couple things) that fit us best. My other gifts were a gift card for sephora and a cute leather wristlet.
I agree w/Ang! When my best friend got married a couple years ago she gave us Coach makeup bags and we all were totally thrilled – something I LOVED having but wouldn’t have bought myself, which makes a great gift. Coach has a TON of cute, useful wristlets on the website under Women’s Accessories in the $50 range. Also cute keychains and even Ipod Nano holders that are pretty sweet. If there’s a Coach outlet store near you, they tend to always carry those for 20% off the retail price. Good luck and congratulations!
Let me agree with others about wedding-day jewelry: I’ve gotten it 2x as a bridesmaid, and I really haven’t worn either of the necklaces again. My best bridesmaid gift was a large LLBean tote, monogrammed in my name, with a fleece throw, scented bath gear, and monogrammed stationery inside. I loved it, and use all of it frequently.
For my bridemaids, I did medium-sized monogrammed LLBean totes (tip: if you get the LLBean Visa card, the monogramming is free), with pashmina shawls and a split of champagne for each inside. Seemed to be a big hit, and I’ve seen at least 2 of my bridesmaids wear the shawls again (they were black, so versatile; I got them here: http://www.boutiquejewels.com/purepashminas.html).
When I was a bridesmaid this past summer, each member of the wedding party received a card from Oxfam stating that a donation had been made in our honor. The cool thing about Oxfam is that we each got something specific–one person “received” an alligator she had saved, another got 5 acres of trees, I got a share in a fair trade coffee cooperative, etc.
They put the cards in gift bags with a bottle of wine and a framed picture of each wedding party member and the bride or groom. It was incredibly thoughtful and lead to several drunken jokes about one of the groomsmen and his new environmentally friendly Malaysian toilet.
When my best friend got married two years ago she gave the bridesmaids gift cards to restaurants & stores local to them (she did it all by mail, since she was in a different state than most of us). It was so thoughtful and helped me explore new neighborhoods AND give some business to my community.
She also gave magazine subscriptions unique to the ‘maids interests, running the gamut from US Weekly to Smithsonian Magazine. I liked the idea b/c it was a fun reminder of her when the mags would arrive and it was a nice thank you to be recognized as individuals with varied interests.
This site has a ton of ideas is a variety of ranges…should be able to get some ideas…
http://www.bridalpeople.com/bridesmaids-gifts/page001.asp
When I first got married I was totally broke, so my ideas aren’t expensive. I found jewelry boxes with a picture frame cover, and I put a picture of me with each maid in there– and assumed they would later replace it with whatever. I also made earring holders– I took 2 or 3-panel picture frames (the ones that are hinged together) took out the frame stuff and glued in window screening. You can stick the earrings through and keep them up where you can see them, instead of in a box or something. I still use mine.
I (having been in 6 weddings in the past three years) echo in general the idea that matching jewelry for the wedding day is a bit more of a gift for the bride than I’m sure the bride means it to be (…just like every bride wants me to love and wear my bridesmaids dress again, but even if the dress is pretty, they generally only appear at the Oscar party developed by another friend as an excuse to rewear bridesmaids dresses.) But I was in one wedding where the groom’s family was Polish, and the bride gave us all slightly different amber necklaces (amber is a big thing in Poland, apparently)–that was very meaningful, I thought, and she didn’t expect us to wear them on the day of the wedding.
I’ve also been in a wedding where the bride paid for part of the dresses (which, although not as touching, is still awesome, because bridesmaidshood is expensive), jewelry bag things/totes (which are okay, and it’s nice that they are useful, but I’m pretty monogram-phobic, so I always have to face my totebag so that my initials are not showing to the world), fancy underwear, and scented candles.
I love the book idea, think the gift certificate idea is great, and also–what about a magazine subscription? That falls in line with the gift idea that you can pick something for each individual person but it’s not so labor intensive that you have to go to twelve different stores…just go to a big bookstore and buy one issue of each magazine. It seems nice to be able to actually give them a copy) and sign them up for a subscription.
Good luck on the bar! And I’m sure your maids will love whatever you choose–you sound like a very thoughtful bride!
At my wedding, we gave each attendant a “gift certificate” to use with the photographer. Our photographer actually offered a formal little folio with space for two 5×7’s, but I’m sure you could mock up a gift certificate yourself. In every wedding I’ve been in, I’ve wanted one of the professional photos, but have balked at spending $20-40 a pop for a photo from someone else’s wedding.
After the wedding, we just included the attendant’s orders in with ours, and then distributed the photos ourselves. Who doesn’t like lovely formal photographs?
I once got a big, fuzzy comfy white robe with my initials on it, with some personalized notecards stuck into the pocket. Both items were cute, useful, and thoughtful. Each maid got a different accent color.
Also, I agree about nixing the jewelry idea. If you really want them in matching necklaces, get them from Claire’s and then get them another “real” present. In that vein, I am not a huge fan of scented gifts, such as lotions, candles, and so forth. I’m personally not a huge fan of vanilla scented items, and have a huge stockpile of vanilla gifted items just stuck in the back of the closet. Unless you know their favored scents, beware.
Well, I got my bridesmaids necklaces, but they chose them (and were told beforehand that if they’d rather have something else, just say).
I was a fairly hands-off bride, though. They also chose their dresses, and I paid for them (isn’t that normal? It is in the UK).
I’ve never been a bridesmaid, but I wouldn’t want or use a bag. I already have a bag, I don’t need two… and I’m not sure I’d feel good about accepting expensive jewellery if I didn’t REALLY love it. I think I’d much rather have the Borders token.