The Vine: October 5, 2007
Hi Sars,
I am getting married in about a month and am having a hell of a time coming up with gifts for my bridesmaids. There are five of them. If I didn’t have to take the stupid bar exam next week, I would feel like I had more time to think and look for something nice. Sadly, I’m here with a gross of flashcards and flowcharts, fitting in wedding things in bursts when I have a spare minute.
I know one thing I’m going to give them — but it’s kind of small. I want…something else. I thought about trying to find something fun and girly, like purses, for all of them but the choices are kind of overwhelming. I’m trying to avoid the schlock from theknot.com and its ilk — I feel like everyone is probably at or past capacity on monogrammed mirrors and flip-flops that say “bridesmaid” backwards on the soles.
So, can you recommend anything? Or your readers? I get the sense that your sister-in-law was a pretty awesome bride — any great giftyness from that angle? I’m looking to spend about $50 per ‘maid, if that helps. The women in question are all smart, fun, outgoing, adventurous, et cetera. I would describe all of them as having kicky personalities. I know they’ll all really like the small gift I’m making them, but I’d also like to put something in their hands that makes them say “oh, awesome!” And I need help.
Thank you, thank you. And now, back to torts.
I’d really prefer a different bar, if you know what I mean
Dear Word — You Wait Here, I’ll Get The Car,
…Donors Choose philanthropy certificates? Just kidding.
I actually got a lamp and a clock from Gen and Mr. S as a bridesmaid’s gift, but as the sister of the groom, it’s maybe a little different. (But the lamp is awesome. Even awesomer: they named the lamp “Jack,” and to this day they “greet” it when they come over.)
I was joking about the gift certificates, but bridesmaids would way rather have those, even if they might seem impersonal to you, than a cutesy monogrammed whatever that isn’t really their taste — $50 at iTunes, or gift cards from various stores that the individual ‘maids might like (Williams-Sonoma for the foodies in the crowd, for example, and Borders for the readers).
Another thing my brother and sister-in-law put together for the wedding party was goodie bags, full of little handy things — travel-size Advil, water bottles, pocket notebooks, deodorant, Q-Tips, and so on.
Your ‘maids understand that you have a lot going on and can’t personalize every little aspect of the gifts; anything that’s useful, doesn’t impose your taste on them, and shows you put at least a little thought into it is great.
The readers might have some ideas in your price range, so we’ll see what they have to say.
Tags: Ask The Readers etiquette retail
At my first wedding I gave each bridesmaid a simple gold chain. They really liked them, and I think that that’s the best sort of wedding-day jewelry. A gem or pendant will not always be to someone’s taste, but a simple chain can be dressed up any way they like, or worn all by itself, and goes with everything.
That said, at my recent second wedding we gave gift certificates to Barnes & Noble to every member of the wedding party. They were greatly appreciated!
The two bridesmaid gifts I received that I still own/use to this day:
1. A candle holder (square glass hurricane on a metal base) – simple, elegant, goes with any decor.
2. Beaded evening clutch – each bridesmaid got a different purse based on her personal taste. My clutch happened to go with my dress and I was grateful to have one less accessory to worry about purchasing. Because the bride took our personal tastes into consideration, I have used the clutch on numerous occasions since the wedding. The bride also paid for our pre-wedding mani/pedis.
I did give out wedding day jewelry, but I also treated my girls to a day at the spa (manis, pedis and a neck massage) and lunch the day before the wedding. It was great because everyone got a chance to know each other a little bit.
I definitely echo all the bag ideas. You can *never* have to many bags. My friend gave us kicking gifts at her wedding. At the head table, she had these funky crystal bowls/vases, different shapes and etchings, that we all put our flowers in during the reception, then each of us took one home.
For my ‘maids, I was on a serious budget, with my husband having just gradauted college and neither of us having good jobs. I gave my girls Burt’s Bees foot care kits (socks, cream, scrub, pumice stone, etc) and a set of cute shaped bath beads that matched the wedding theme.
For my girls, I treated them to professional hair & make-up the morning of the wedding, at the same salon where I was being dolled-up. They all said they were thrilled to go this route vs. receiving a keepsakey kind of gift, and all seemed to enjoy not having to stress over those details. The added bonus was that all looked camera-ready; a make-up artist knows just how much is enough to really pop in photos without looking clownish. We had an assembly line going and had chilled juice & champagn at the ready. It was a great way to get pampered and have some girl time before heading to the wedding site where we had left all of our clothes. The other patrons in the salon had fun watching us all transform, really started the day off with a party feeling! If your scheduled wedding time allows for something like this…you might be able to get a group rate at a local salon to do hair and/or makeup.
If I was the one receiving the gift, I would LOVE to get an Itunes gift certificate. After that, I like the ideas of the Coach wristlets or Philosophy kits. Jewelry? Eh. Not so much.
@Janie: I’m stealing that idea. I would love to wear my ‘maid dress again (although I’m afraid a diet would be called for first), because it’s Crew and very flattering/rewearable, but nearly everyone I know has already seen it, so I’ll need some excuse. Or a party full of strangers.
@Florida: We also got the BB travel kit. It’s been super handy.
Yeah, the elephant in the room with all of this is that (1) bridesmaids are often laying out huge bucks to attend the wedding and to be in it, so in some cases, helping to defray those costs in some non-tacky way, if you can think of one, might be your best bet; and (2) bridesmaids love YOU, but that doesn’t mean they love every decision you make about your wedding and what they have to wear (I’ve worn one bridesmaid’s dress I really loved and one that was kind of…bridesmaid-y, honestly), so be sensitive to doing things that seem like they’re just additional instructions, which “wear this necklace” can totally be. This has never happened to me, as I’ve loved everything I’ve ever been given as a gift, but I know people to whom it has happened.
Whatever you decide to do, I would also say don’t overworry about it, because it’s your wedding, and they love you, and as with the rest of the formal wedding preparations, they’re just not the ones people are going to remember. The fanciest wedding I’ve been a member of, the only things I really remember are (1) the bouquet toss went to a playoff between me and one of my friends; and (2) we all sang along to “Dancing Queen” while the bride danced around in the middle of the circle. Neither of those things was in the program, safe to say.
Totally agree with the Coach wristlet idea. I got one as a ‘maid gift and ADORE it. It’s now taken the place of my wallet — small enough to go inside bigger purses, but cute and totally functional on its own.
My little sister got us great overnight bags with the first letter of our names on them. Mine is the perfect size for a carry-on for weekend flights, and I love it!
I received a “girl’s night in a bag”–cotton pajamas, copy of _Pride & Prejudice_ (the book), chocolates, and champagne. It was a, let’s say, cost-efficient way to pamper each of us without having to pay for spa-time.
There are a lot of good ideas already listed, and I’m sure they’re inspiring more.
Good luck on the bar exam and enjoy your wedding!
Along the lines of the swiss army knife idea, Victorinox, the company that makes the knives, also makes something called a SwissCard, which is essentially a swiss army knife in a sleek, flat, credit-card sized holder. They come in about six colors, can be customized with a name, and are useful and cute. I gave them as X-mas gifts to the 12 women, (all with very different tastes/styles) who work in my office, and they loved them.
I love the idea of tote bags. I know I’m always looking for something to carry all my crap in. One really nice bridesmaid’s gift I got was from my cousin’s wife: an engraved picture frame with a picture of the two of us. If you decide to go the jewelry route, don’t go for the cheap “silver” stuff with CZ that I got for two cousin’s weddings (they’re sisters). The necklaces were tacky looking, and I have no reason to wear them again.
My cousin got married a few months ago, and gave us the jewelry we’d be wearing for the ceremony. This may sound cheesy, but she has good taste and an awesome family connection, so it rocked! I wear the earrings all the time. None of us were offended by the “instruction” element to it (maybe we were just a mellow wedding party?), and it made the mother of the bride happy since we all matched.
You learn something new on tomato nation everyday – i had no idea it was normal for american brides to make their ‘maids pay for everything! Being from Australia I’d would expect the bride to be at least covering the cost of the hair/makeup on the day, and at least some of the dress if not all. From my own experience this rule doesn’t really change based on the wedding budget, it’s just y’know, how it’s done, and scaled up or down depending on the money involved.
The Bride is afterall playing grownup dress up with her friends, with her own tastes/wants/fantasies since 7th grade in mind, why should the ‘maids have to pay for their whims? Way to give a backhanded compliment – I love you so much I want you in my bridal party, now pay for the privilege! It’s an odd point of cultural difference :insert thinking music:
Anyhoo, Bar sounds like a sensible lass so I vote for paying for their hair/makeup on the day to help cover the costs of their bridesmaidhood. If she’s doing that already… i vote for the swiss army knife thing or a donors choose voucher.
I’ve been in two weddings, and I have jewelry from both that I’ve never worn again. Unless it’s very simple or tailored to the maid (or bought from a cheap store like Claire’s, as suggested above, and paired with something else) don’t do it.
If someone would’ve given me a gift certificate, a wristlet or a fun gift bag, I would’ve been over the moon. I love the idea of a small monogrammed LL Bean tote with a little gift cert. inside (and the champagne split!)
Best of luck with everything!
I think the spa day is a good idea, everybody relaxes a bit…My sister gave everybody a wooden box with a picture frame in it, and she put a picture of herself with the bridesmaid in the picture frame (although it could be swapped, clearly), and then also goody bags. I think everybody was happy.
The Swiss Army knife suggestion can be good, but if you’ve got people flying in do not give them knives unless you’re sure they will have checked baggage on the return flight.
I think it’s best if the gift shows that some personal thought has been put into it. I was in a wedding where I wasn’t sure why the bride had picked me as bridesmaid if, judging by the gift, she knew so little about me. A coffee-table book on Chicago?? (Please, I live in Toronto, and had never indicated a particular interest in Chicago, though I know it’s an awesome city, or at least so says my cousin who lives there). She had obviously bought it at a remainder sale, and it’s long since gone to my college library’s annual book sale – hope they got a few bucks for it. On the other hand, the truly hideous dress has a place of dishonour in my mum’s cedar closet – a friend’s daughter loves it to play dress-up, so at least it’s had some re-use.
On the other hand, I marched for a close friend who a) paid for wedding-day manis, pedis, hair & makeup (yes, I know you’re “supposed” to do that, but I still appreciated it, since I was horribly broke that year), b) bought all the ‘maids their wedding-day handbags, c) bought us all diamond studs to wear day-of (and who can’t re-use diamond studs? Even my boyfriend of the time was jealous), and, c) best of all, also gave each of us 2 5×7’s of the informal group photos – a nice one of just her & the ‘maids, and one of the whole party mugging it up with wine prominently featured. They’re now nicely framed & on the wall in my front hallway, and are the best memento of a truly fun wedding & great friends.
I think it`s funny that @mcm mentions giving coffee table book on Chicago to a bridesmaid as an example of a great gift, and cayenne has it on her `bridesmaid gifts i`ve hated`list! wonder if it`s the same book… goes to show you, there`s really no way to be sure. Some people rave about LLBean totes while others hate them, or hate monograms… Some will love having jewelry while others will gag.
Personally, I`m with whoever said it doesn`t really matter what the gift is, and the memories are what`s important.. I`ve gotten a framed picture of myself (just me, no bride) which is sort of odd, I don`t really display pictures of myself in my apt… but I still appreciate the thought. The second time I was a bridesmaid, the bride didn`t give us a gift at all! eh. I noticed but didn`t really mind, although they`re both good friends so it`s no biggie. If a cousin or distant friend asked me to be a bridesmaid I might be less forgiving.
If I had gotten a tote, a bracelet, a Swiss army knife, a magazine subscription… anything would have been pretty sweet!
Well, I got married at city hall for $25 (and boy, were my parents surprised when they found out!), and I’ve never been a bridesmaid (which makes me unsure if I’ve got great friends or crappy friends!) but… a woman I knew about 10 years ago gave her ‘maids the “hardware” for the wedding day — gift certificates for Victoria’s Secret. I dunno why, that always just struck me as hilarious. If hilarity would be appreciated but isn’t necessarily your direct aim, then I say definitely, go for the all-girl spa day.
Maybe its a New England thing, but every wedding I’ve been in or to, the bridesmaids wore matching jewelry that the bride picked out, and its common for the bride to pay for that jewelry so the bridesmaids don’t have to. I had a friend make pearl and swarovski crystal necklaces, earrings, and bracelets for all six of my girls (and saved a ton of money), and I put them in engraved jewelry boxes from Things Remembered (do NOT fall for the ‘gift’ box option). The girls all loved the jewelry and the boxes. I also gave each of them a gift certificate to get their hair/nails done. That they definitely appreciated.
Siobhan, I completely agree. I’ve never understood the whole “I love you so much I want you to empty your bank account so I can be a pretty pretty princess” mentality. I think the best ‘maids present would be to pay for at least part of the dress (or go the “just get something flattering in this color, hope you find a great sale at J Crew or whatever” which is a brilliant idea) and for a mani/pedi/spa day. I’d be more than happy to help make my friend a pretty princess for her big day if I wasn’t going bankrupt in the process. That being said, man those totes are cute, and I’d love a flask or a swiss army knife. Y’all have some great ideas!
I got married last year and had a hard time finding something I thought was useful for the ladies in our wedding as well as pretty and special. I ended up buying each of them large leather business totes from http://www.ebags.com (I picked the style based on their personalities.
It can serve to hold a laptop or as a pretty briefcase. The girls loved them and I like to think of them remembering the wedding whenever they use it.
I agree with the jewelry recommendations. If you want your bridesmaids to wear matching jewelry, get it somewhere cheap and don’t include it as part of their gift. The last wedding I was in the bridesmaids gifts was some very expensive, very hideous jewelry that I will never wear again. Another wedding I was in we got jewelry, but it was the cheap kind. The bride also paid for our updos, and since I was the maid of honor, I also got a mani-pedi. Since we were all still in college, and broke, this was extremely helpful. In addition, after the wedding, we each got some professional photos from the wedding – one of the whole wedding party, one of us with the couple, and a few candid shots from the reception. The shot of me with the couple was put into a nice frame.
Hey! I know it seems tired to give flip-flops, but I wanted to throw in a vote for them. You are going to take your shoes off to dance anyway, so why fight it? My best friend actually got us all red jeweled flip-flops to wear at the reception (they matched our red jeweled dresses!), and they were a huge hit. She got herself white jeweled flip-flops for the reception! I still have my red ones and wear them often because they are so cute and fashionable. She also gave us each monogrammed tote bags and jewelry to wear in the wedding, but the flip-flops she chose were a stroke of genius. My other brides have always given jewelry to wear in the wedding — in fact, I sort of expect it at this point. Tote bags are always useful…hip flasks and crystal bowls, not as often.
Let’s face it, though — the best bridesmaid gift is the fact that you want your bridesmaids to stand beside you on the big day. That, and the fact that you are not putting them in poofy peach taffeta…I hope!
Adorable chocolate handbags:
http://chocochocohouse.stores.yahoo.net/handbags.html
I’ve been a bridesmaid twice and both times, the bride paid for half the dress and hair/makeup the day of in lieu of a gift.
I really, really like the swiss army knife idea. I’d go with that or the fuzzy warm bathrobe idea. Or cute, comfy slippers they can put on to walk around in when they give up and take off the uncomfortable shoes?
I think the best gift a bride can give her friends is letting them come to her wedding without requiring them to wear a dress they DON”T get to pick out but DO have to pay for. I value the individuality and variation in my friends’ personalities, and think it’s a weirdly insulting throwback to make all of them subsume their distinctiveness as a prerequisite for attending a party I’m throwing.
Because I’ve had to wear a couple awful dresses, I let the bridesmaids pick out whatever dress they wanted, as long as it came in the red color of the wedding. I bought them their shoes (but let them pick those too, since I also have dyed-to-match awful shoes I never wore again…) too, but I still felt the need for a thank you gift. None of the groomsmen or ‘maids had an iPod. Problem solved! iPod Shuffles all around! And note that this was only feasible because we only had 4 attendants total. We’re really doing ourselves a favor, too, since now we can just get everyone iTunes GCs for Christmas!!
As an American, and a wedding planner, I’m always a little horrified when brides don’t at least pick up the hair and makeup costs. I have friends in the UK who tell me that the bride and groom pick up the cost of the formal wear, which to me makes sense.
One of my brides had a basket company put together martini glasses filled with a bunch of stuff, including jelly beans, drink mix, and gift certificates to spas in the city where the girls were from. They were huge hits.
If her bridesmaids are local, or are staying in the area for a while, she can plan a bridesmaid luncheon, which is pretty popular these days. She would host a casual get together for the girls, where they can chat, eat, drink, and just have a great time.
And I know that people don’t like gift certificates, but they are great when you don’t know what your bridesmaids would like. American Express sells gift certificates where you can use anywhere.
I recently had a bride in your shoes … taking her bar one week before her wedding. My advice is this: focus on your work, and once it’s done, relax for one day (you’ll need it!), and then focus again on your wedding. If you have a wedding planner, he or she is handling everything for you while you’re unavailable.
Best of luck!
I, too, bought my maids their dresses (and, within the confines of store, fabric, and colour, let them pick the ones they wanted), and then I took them out to Spaghetti Factory and got them all overfed and drunk. My mother bought them their lingerie (none of them had a strapless or a bustier), which is another good idea if your bridal squad isn’t too squicked by it.
Mine is 50-50. I loved two…hated one, but for a good reason. The pink, leopard-print Madden slippers were AWESOME and came in handy for dancing and foot-resting at the reception (and are still in use to this day, many years later). Also loved the wristlet, which matched our dresses and was great for toting wedding-day needs such as mascara, tissues, etc., without lugging a giant purse and worrying about its whereabouts or nosy nellies. However, it was tremendously embarrassing to be the only one whose neck was too fat to wear the “gift” necklace everyone received the night before the wedding, told that we needed to wear them and match. I ended up having to change the “required” hairdo to cover all the safety pins used to extend the necklace (out of town wedding in the middle of nowhere…no stores). Ugh. And then got scolded for being “different” later. Also: to the brides who all insist that their gifts were big hits? With all due respect, nobody is going to tell a happy–if somewhat stressed–blushing bride that the gift is so not them. Especially when we know that you are under a ton of pressure and trying to be nice and thoughtful. It’s just bad manners to do so. We will always rave and act as though it’s the best gift EVER, even when we know that it will sit in a box in our closet for the rest of our days. No offense meant, but I would take the advice of the former “maids” before that of the bride (read the Chicago book comments above for further proof. Heh). I am not hurting for cash, but I spent over $3,000 in my one stint as a bridesmaid and that was SHOCKING. It did include a bridal shower, catering, shower gift, engagement gift, wedding gift, two dresses, hair, makeup, shoes, hotel, etc., etc., so offsetting some of those costs would be a really nice gift, too, even when the people you invite are well-off. Sorry for the length.
Good luck on the bar! As if you don’t have enough to do the last weeks before your wedding. You probably have made your decision by now, but if you haven’t- may I suggest some stylish decals adorned with their monogram? These stickers can embellish anything that can’t be embroidered- they can monogram your CAR, lampshades, candles, acrylic trays, flowerpots, mailboxes…you name it- anything looks more jazzy with a pretty monogram. Check out http://www.electrasmonograms.com/ and see all the cute things they offer! Good luck!