Tomato Nation

Dear Sars,

I have read your blog for a long time, and I've searched the archives and I haven't seen your estimation of the Best Baseball Movie Ever. Who better than you to make the call?

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"I said GET OFF MY LAWN!"

So, apparently the fact that Joba Chamberlain did a little buggin' after striking out David Dellucci is a big old hairy deal now, to the point where Goose Gossage feels compelled to share his These Kids Today perspective on the incident.

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When almost everyone I know adores a movie, I go into it with a little bit of resistance, not because I have a contrarian streak (although I do) but because I figure it's bound to disappoint. Enchanted didn't. It's not a perfect movie — the ending sequence with the dragon is superfluous, as if the producers looked around and realized they hadn't done enough with the effects budget, and/or Susan Sarandon — but it's very charming.

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But seriously, folks: I only have $45 to go until I reach my AIDS Walk goal. Would you mind donating if you haven't already, to get me over the hump? (Heh; I said "hump.") And if you have already donated, which a lot of you have, I really extra-super-appreciate your support, and your willingness to kick AIDS in the slats.

Want to donate, but some other rad TN reader filled up my money tank first? Please do not hesitate to donate to the Supersnack team as a whole; if we reach our lofty goal of $50,000, we're going to dye our hair. (You can do that by clicking here, if you like.)

Even better — come to the Supersnack team benefit next Friday, May 16th! It's at the Brooklyn Masonic Temple, and features performances from the Mountain Goats, John Oliver, and one Sarah D. Bunting will also read selections from her work, with pauses to kick AIDS in the balls.

Thanks so much for taking the time, and if you're walking this year, congratulations.

Ladies and gentlemen: British Cheddar.

I'll be closing the cheese poll shortly, so if you haven't voted yet — or want to clear your caches and take one more run at it — now's the time.

Thank you all for participating; we really had fun with it.  And — dun! — the fun is probably not over!

Over the course of the NCheeseAA, Keck and I had various inspirations for other brackets we could build: candy; chips; ballpark snacks; you name it.  And Joe R and I still haven't gotten our all-time ugliest/hottest baseball players tourney off the ground after like three years of discussing it, so we could do that too.

What do you think we should bracket next?  Food, people, overrated literary figures — if you've got a bracket idea, I want to hear it.  Email me at bunting at tomatonation dot com with the subject line "next bracket."

Dear Sars:

I've got a sticky situation and I need help coming up with something good to tell my friend. Here's the thing. My girlfriend of almost 20 years has been begging me to come out to her house in the northeast to visit. I live in the midwest. Under normal circumstances I would love to come see her and her family, however things are far from normal over there. They are having serious marital issues.

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Beautiful Cheddar Gorge

(Ready to vote? Click here! The poll stays open until Thursday morning.)

Bunting: I love pizza. I love it so much that even working in a pizza parlor for two semesters couldn't break the bond I felt with one of mankind's greatest culinary achievements. I also love insalata Caprese; when I went to Italy, I ate it every single day, and when I go out for Italian, I order it every single time. Obviously, then, I have nothing against mozzarella, except that it's not a cheese that can really stand on its own: to shine, it needs to go on something, or in something, or with something. Yes, it's a staple, but that doesn't mean I think it belongs in this final. British Cheddar, by contrast, is a great snack with an apple; goes great on veggie chili; and is delicious all by its lonesome. I can't sit here and tell you I wouldn't eat mozzarella straight. I would; I have. It's not a bad cheese, mozzarella. But "not bad" just isn't good enough. The TGR/TN 2008 NCheeseAA Reader's Medal Of Excellence should hang around the neck of a true, sharp champion: British Cheddar.

Keckler: I agree with my esteemed colleague from Brooklyn: mozzarella is good on a pizza. But for me, that's pretty much all its good for. (Can't stand the Caprese in Italy, in a gondola, on the lam — I CANNOT STAND CAPRESE SAM I AM!) Clearly, I'm revoltingly biased in this final match-up, especially since Brit Cheddar is my favorite cheese of all time. I appreciate mozzarella. I understand why other people like — even love — mozzarella. I just disagree with mozzarella. I want a cheese that is more than an ingredient. I want a snacker, a picnicker, a cheese that screams out from the fridge, "It is midnight and you are still up so clearly you need to partake of my sharp, smooth, deep deliciousness! Come, eat me on crackers, eat me with grilled scallions, or just eat me NAKED!" I want a cheese that doesn't give up the rotting ghost if I forget it's hanging out in my crisper. I want a cheese that doesn't sit in its own juice like an old man in his sitz bath. I want a cheese that's a champion, the winner of the TGR/TN 2008 NCheeseAA. I want Cheddar.

(Ready to vote? Click here! The poll stays open until Thursday morning.)

I like a product that is cleverly teeny, and this here bitty bottle of polish is so cleverly teeny that I actually crooned "awwww" at it in the Sephora checkout line (ask Wing, who edged away from me afterwards, and rightly so) before grabbing two bottles.

I didn't really expect much, either, because it seems like, whenever a cosmetics company tries to reinvent the nail-polish-delivery-system wheel, it's a disappointment — like the pens. Brilliant idea, right? Portable, less messy…and insanely clog-prone. The little bottle isn't exactly a quantum leap — it's still a bottle, after all, with a brush — but it's awesome for travel, it won't dry out before you can use the whole bottle (or get sick of it), and it holds up really well to typing, Diet-Coke-opening, you name it. It looks like they've retired one of the colors I got and loved, Cassis, but you can maybe still find it if you go to a physical store.

Reader Lori S. tipped me to International Respect For Chickens Day, which I very dis-respectfully missed (it was yesterday). United Poultry Concerns does have a store, if you would like to purchase a chicken-themed shirt or leggings, but alas, none of their tees have slogans like "Nice Cock" or "That's Fowl." That isn't very respectful either, I suppose.