"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: March 28, 2001
March 28, 2001 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I really admire your writing and generally agree with your advice, but I think you were, well off the mark, with the advice to the Not-So-Newlywed Bride. You did say — accurately in my …

The Vine: March 22, 2001
March 22, 2001 · No Comment

I've been with my girlfriend for more than two years. I'm happy, but lately I have been acting retarded. She is super cute and charming and she took this class, and met this guy. He …

The Vine: March 21, 2001
March 21, 2001 · No Comment

Dear Emily…uh, I mean Sarah,
I'm in dire need of some wedding-gift etiquette.
My husband and I got hitched in the summer of 1999, and our best man gave us the gift of a voucher for several …

The Vine: March 20, 2001
March 20, 2001 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I love your site, and your advice seems on target to me, so maybe you could help me out.
Here's the situation: I'm in college, and I'm sharing a house with four other people. I'm …

I Don't Look Fat
March 20, 2001 · No Comment

An entire cottage industry of humor — or, more accurately, "humor" — has sprung up around the following apocryphal sequence of events: woman emerges from dressing room, bathroom, or other outfitting alcove; woman strikes pose …

All That Glitters
March 20, 2001 · No Comment

Oh, Jack. Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack. How could you do this to me? For weeks — weeks — leading up to the Oscars, I despaired. I agonized. I lay, sleepless, staring at the ceiling, …

Please Please Mr. Postman
March 20, 2001 · No Comment

Dear IRS,
I just have a couple of questions here, because it's a lot of money, and I'd just like to clear up a few things before I lop off my right breast and sell it …

King Of Pain
March 20, 2001 · No Comment

Last Friday night, midway through the fifth hour of a six-hour drinkfest with Jonesey, I did something stupid. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I ordered a Budweiser. And another. Aaaaand another. I don't know why I …

The Vine: March 16, 2001
March 16, 2001 · No Comment

Hey Sars.
My boyfriend and I broke up after over a year last November. I did the breaking, because I thought I could have with anyone what I had with him. It didn't work out with …

The Vine: March 15, 2001
March 15, 2001 · No Comment

Okay, here's the deal. Once upon a time in the land of college there was a group of close "Friends." Phoebe had a roommate named Monica and they lived happily together for three years. Phoebe …