"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: December 6, 2000
December 6, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I was best friends with a girl for 17 years. She was going through a tough time, and I tried to be there for her. One day out of the blue, she stopped talking …

The Vine: December 5, 2000
December 5, 2000 · No Comment

Hey hon…
Can I jump in with an addendum to your advice for Frustrated and Confused…?
You told F&C that she should call up her church pastor (the one who failed to blow the whistle on S's …

The Vine: December 4, 2000
December 4, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
First of all, I have been reading both your site as well as Mighty Big TV for a while now and find them both vastly amusing.Just thought you might like to hear that.
Anyway, here's …

The Vine: December 1, 2000
December 1, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
My dear friend Shawna told me about your site so I just had to check it out. Good stuff. But here's my problem: I'm currently pregnant with my second child and my husband Mike …

The Vine: November 29, 2000
November 29, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I know I probably know the answer to this question, but I figured I might as well explain the situation to you anyway, just for the hell of it.
I am close with my older …

The Vine: November 28, 2000
November 28, 2000 · No Comment

Hello Sarah!
You are probably sick of hearing about Canadian border stories, but here's one more if you are still interested…
I lived in Niagara Falls, NY for a while and never experienced problems crossing over or …

The Vine: November 27, 2000
November 27, 2000 · No Comment

Hi, Sarah.
I've been reading your site for quite a while, and enjoy your writing very much.
You wrote: "The customs authorities want something, anything that proves that you have a permanent address in the States. That's …

The Vine: November 22, 2000
November 22, 2000 · No Comment

The girl who wrote the vine signed "Confused, not desperate" may be dealing with someone with a neurological disorder. Sounds like the guy is either High Function Autistic or has Asperger's Syndrome. They are both …

The Vine: November 21, 2000
November 21, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
There is a socially retarded genius who works upstairs from me, and we have become friends over the last eight months or so.We've had an odd friendship which has involved him (for no apparent …

The Vine: November 20, 2000
November 20, 2000 · No Comment

Hey Sarah,
I'm "Waiting's" girlfriend. The plot is a tad bit thicker than my girlfriend may have led you to believe. It isn't as simple as just having her birth certificate with her…that wouldn't help. She …