"I wrote 63 songs this year. They're all about Jeter." Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls' Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don't forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: May 21, 2001
May 21, 2001 · No Comment

Here's my story:
I recently moved from NYC to Southern California.While in NYC, I had a triangle friendship with two others (guy and a girl — no pizza place).Everything was cool until I developed feelings for …

Bad Food For Thought
May 20, 2001 · One Comment

I've never understood picky eaters. I'll eat anything — and I mean anything. I've always eaten anything and everything, even as a little kid; I knew from reading the comics pages that kids as a …

A Few Things I've Learned About Shoes
May 20, 2001 · 2 Comments

"Man-made leather" is not leather. It has very little to do with man, or any real "making" as we understand the word. It is not pleather; it is not vinyl; it is not plastic, or …

What Women Want
May 20, 2001 · One Comment

Sarah: So you just left?
Regina: Yeah.
Sarah: Just grabbed your bag and —
Regina: Hell yeah!
Sarah: No explanation. Nothing.
Regina: Dude. He ordered a girl drink. It's not like I could stay there.
Sarah: What kind of girl drink?
Regina: …

Sincerely Your's
May 20, 2001 · 26 Comments

I try not to get snitty about the crappy English usage of other people. I breathe in through my nostrils and slowly out again with my mouth shaped like an "o," reminding myself that not …

The Vine: May 18, 2001
May 18, 2001 · No Comment

Hi Sarah,
Here's some background on my dilemma…there's a woman from college (we'll call her Jane) that I've kept in touch with because we ended up living in the same city after graduation.She's rather high-strung and …

The Vine: May 16, 2001
May 16, 2001 · No Comment

Dear Sars,
I love the Vine and have been a Tomato Nation fan since the days when it was on a site with CyberSleaze…
Just a quick note to about the woman whose mother will be losing …

The Vine: May 15, 2001
May 15, 2001 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I just discovered you write these advice columns and while I really can't believe I'm writing to you about my personal problems I do want to tell you how much I enjoy your DC …

The Vine: May 11, 2001
May 11, 2001 · No Comment

Here's the problem.I'm a senior in high school. I'm also a social pariah, by choice — I've just never gone in for all that typical teen spirit crap, and that's fine by the cheerleaders.Now, I …

The Vine: May 10, 2001
May 10, 2001 · No Comment

Hi Sars
How do I tell a girl politely to get lost. She totally screwed up my life; she used me like a bank machine and taxi service. I left university and I moved 90 miles …