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“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

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Donors Choose and Contests

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Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

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Articles tagged with: hilare

No, really: What of our hens?
May 5, 2008 – 8:52 AM | 10 Comments

Reader Lori S. tipped me to International Respect For Chickens Day, which I very dis-respectfully missed (it was yesterday). United Poultry Concerns does have a store, if you would like to purchase a chicken-themed shirt …

“Why did I have to be the to-mah-to?”
April 29, 2008 – 6:26 PM | 11 Comments

Thanks to Reader Anne S. for tipping me to the new Film Four ad — in which Ewan McGregor is wearing a tomato costume! Looks pretty cute in it, too, although I think the hat …

Jacked
April 9, 2008 – 9:00 PM | 46 Comments

Our shoplifting friend is finally back.

“…Puns Escaped Unharmed”
April 3, 2008 – 10:38 AM | 3 Comments

‘Tis the season once again for headline fun with the word “bunting” — but while today’s does have a baseball subject, the bunting in question is not the effecting of an infield hit, but the …

I love Simon Tofield
March 5, 2008 – 8:46 PM | 32 Comments

The genius behind “Wake Up Cat” is back with “Let Me In.” Miss Alli had it on in the bullpen, and I heard that distinctive “mrow” and without even looking up asked her, “‘Wake Up …

Hendemonium
February 12, 2008 – 10:55 AM | 35 Comments

Hee. (Well, as long as no chickens were harmed.)

File under “U” for “Un! Comfortable!”
January 15, 2008 – 2:43 PM | 42 Comments

In case you haven’t seen the Tom Cruise Scientology-recruiting clip show that’s circulating these here Webs of inter-ness, you really owe it to yourself to check them out.Erin (or, as I like to call her, …

This American Hen
November 30, 2007 – 10:04 AM | 28 Comments
This American Hen

When it hens, it pours: reader Ken R. hepped me to the This American Life episode from a week ago called “Poultry Slam,” and I haven’t listened to it yet, but I can’t wait to …

Tomato Dance: The Video
November 5, 2007 – 12:21 AM | 74 Comments

Woo hoo!
Super-thanks to my bro for cutting the footage so fast. Super-non-thanks to my chins for…being myriad, and to myself for not wearing makeup in the morning. Man is that hat unflattering.
The dance itself is …

Updated Tomato Stats
November 2, 2007 – 5:28 PM | 15 Comments

people not named Will Forte who thought I was an apple: 5
people not named Will Forte who asked if I forgot what day Halloween is/was dressing up late: 6
times Will Forte did each of those …