Midtown Humanity On Parade, Vol. 4
Dear sir,
The next time you find yourself wearing sunglasses indoors, ask yourself these questions:
1. Am I the leader of a cult?
2. Am I either John Munch or Bono?
3. Have I recently undergone surgery on my eyes?
If you cannot answer “yes” to any of these questions, you are, I’m afraid, a douche, and your failure to recognize this fact is making the rest of us uncomfortable. And by “the rest of us,” I mean “your fellow passengers on the D train,” which, if you enjoyed the sort of rock-star fame you affect with your overpriced spectacles, you would not have to take. This is not one of the suh-weet trips to Vegas with your buds to see a title fight which you have no doubt bored countless blind dates to distraction by recounting. It is, rather, the morning commute. Nobody cares about your watch or your smoothie regimen, and you are not Jim Jones. You can take the sunglasses off, or you can take a cocaine-white limo to the modeling agency from now on. Those are your choices.
Ew,
Sarah
Tags: city living curmudgeoning
I see more women than men wearing sunglasses on the subway.
Can someone please explain to me why it’s obnoxious to put your sunglasses on top of your head? I only do it for a few minutes, like when I’m inside a store. I rarely carry a purse so my only other option is to hang them on my shirt, which gives me too much cleavage. I’ve never understood why people find this to be an annoying practice.
I have a sometimes cowlick right where one lens in my sunglasses nestle so I’ll wear them on my head (even in cloudy weather) if I’m just running errands and haven’t been able to tame the beast that day. Handier than hair gel.
I also came from a small town where few of my high-school classmates shook the dust from their shoes and got out as quickly or as thoroughly as I did, then bleached the experience from memory. So when I’m visiting the folks and am picking up groceries or something, I’ll wear sunglasses inside to avoid eye contact with someone who might remember me, but whose name is gone from my head. It also gives me a chance to try to dredge up a name if I spot him/her first. But I feel guilty and witness-protection-programmy when I do it. And I guarantee I’m neither striking a pose nor wearing anything expensive and fashionable.
Since I was about 14, my eyes have become extremely sensitive to light. I have trouble indoors (especially if I have to talk to someone facing a window with no blinds) and even with artificial lighting. I can’t physically function outside without wearing sunglasses, so I wear them all the time, spring/summer/autumn/winter. Even on grey days, which, because of the cloud cover, are sometimes worse for my eyes because the clouds reflect the light more.
Currently, i’m having a very hard time because at work, I need to be able to function and I also want to make eye contact and not look out of place…. up until now, i’ve been too self conscious to wear any kind of eye protection indoors, but i’m going to have to get some tinted lenses. One of my worries is that people will think I look like a ‘douche’ as you put it. But my symptoms are so bad (intense pain, have to bow my head to avoid light, migraines) that I feel that I look like more of a douche having to avoid all of the situations that my eyes can’t tolerate without protection.
I envy people who don’t have to worry about their eyes, but think about how much you use your eyes in a day. All the time… everyday i’m faced with situations that make things very uncomfortable for me.
I would just like to ask people, if you saw me wearing some tinted glasses (nothing fancy, just like normal glasses but tinted) would you automatically think that i’m an arsehole?
Also, if you were to ask me and I explained that I need them to function, would you then just forget about it?
I’m at a point in my life where I now realise that people waste so much of their lives worrying what other people think. People may fleetingly think you look like a douche, but the majority of their time will be spent worrying about themselves, and what you think about them.
I will continue to wear my sunglasses whenever I am outside. My quality of life has vastly improved since I started doing so.
Another thing…. when I finally do explain to someone why I wear them all the time, they end up feeling like the arsehole because of their swiftness to judge.
On the other hand, I think people who wear their sunglasses indoors for no reason other than to look cool ALL THE TIME, do look like douches. It also pisses me off a little bit because I literally HAVE TO wear mine. I wish I didn’t.
I WAS NOT TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WITH OCULAR MALADIES, MY FRIEND.
I know… I guess the problem is that I am not going to explain to every person I meet that I have an Ocular Malady. So I will get lumped into the category of ‘pretentious’ or ‘asshole’ person, when it’s for legitimate reasons. I don’t think I care what other people think, I care what I think…. and I feel like an idiot. I guess the answer is that yes people might think I look like a douche, but they will feel like a douche when they realise i’m not in love with myself or a pretentious asshole. I’m actually a brit living in the U.S. so I should really say ‘arsehole’