Baseball

“I wrote 63 songs this year. They’re all about Jeter.” Just kidding. The game we love, the players we hate, and more.

Culture and Criticism

From Norman Mailer to Wendy Pepper — everything on film, TV, books, music, and snacks (shut up, raisins), plus the Girls’ Bike Club.

Donors Choose and Contests

Helping public schools, winning prizes, sending a crazy lady in a tomato costume out in public.

Stories, True and Otherwise

Monologues, travelogues, fiction, and fart humor. And hens. Don’t forget the hens.

The Vine

The Tomato Nation advice column addresses your questions on etiquette, grammar, romance, and pet misbehavior. Ask The Readers about books or fashion today!

The Vine: May 22, 2000
May 22, 2000 · No Comment

Here is a little problem for you. My mother didn’t have much to do with raising me after the sixth grade, due to her wanting to having a second childhood and moving out on my …

Because I’m So Perfect
May 19, 2000 · No Comment

I bitch about clichés for a living: movie clichés, television clichés, clichés about the supposed differences between men and women. Still, clichés enter the language – and stick around long after we’ve tired of hearing …

Focus, Straight Boy-san
May 19, 2000 · No Comment

Ernie and I had a lengthy conversation the other day, as we do almost every day, because we can never just get by with the “hey, how’s it going” check-in and have to complain about …

The Mother Of Invention
May 19, 2000 · No Comment

I mentioned in an article last fall that, one day, I’d like to invent something. At the time, I didn’t know what in particular I wanted to invent; I just knew that I wanted to …

Bring On The Fauna
May 19, 2000 · No Comment

I must stop watching Animal Planet. Every time I flip to Channel 86, it puts ideas in my head about acquiring kooky pets that have no business sharing a Manhattan studio with a human and …

The Vine: May 19, 2000
May 19, 2000 · No Comment

Hello Sarah,
A couple of days ago, I received a very unexpected call from an ex-boyfriend. I haven’t spoken to him in a year, and haven’t seen him for nearly two. However, we had a very …

The Vine: May 18, 2000
May 18, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I want to SKULL-FUCK my best friend’s fiancée.
Okay, maybe that’s a wee bit extreme. I don’t really want to cause her any harm in the literal sense, but I do want her to cease …

The Vine: May 17, 2000
May 17, 2000 · No Comment

Sarah,
Here is my problem, I have been friends with my best friend for about fifteen years and we have been through a lot together. Lately, it seems we have nothing in common anymore. She is …

The Vine: May 16, 2000
May 16, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I guess it’s pretty straightforward. I ended a six-year relationship about two to three months ago. I have been over the relationship for at least a year, so I’m not having any residue sitting …

The Vine: May 15, 2000
May 15, 2000 · No Comment

Dear Sarah,
I’ve recently been directed to your site . . .
Your articles on the behavior of men and women were both insightful and clever, but here’s the problem: 1) guys who act like the perfect …